


Stupid

by below_zero



Series: Small Town, Long Story [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst and Romance, Bisexual Bros™, Cigarettes, First Meetings, House Party, Illegal Activities, M/M, Marijuana, Mild family issues, Nakamoto Yuta is a Good Friend, Nothing serious, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Small Town Shenanigans, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Suh Youngho | Johnny Has a Nice Mouth, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Markhyuk, bear with me hah, because i'm a sad gay, cars and sports and shit, i don't smoke much lol, jaehyun works at walmart, johnny drives a tacoma, like a lot, they have some issues, this turned into a shitty teen movie, this whole thing is just heated eye contact sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24173377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/below_zero/pseuds/below_zero
Summary: When Jaehyun met Johnny, he almost called the cops. I mean, if you saw a suspicious-looking teen in a drug rug trying to get into a locked Tacoma, you’d be worried too, right?Or, Johnny and Jaehyun's relationship through small-town adventures and illegal shenanigans.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: Small Town, Long Story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936645
Comments: 74
Kudos: 153





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo, hope ya'll are safe and well. this was super fun to write, but it's open to constructive criticism! i wanna make sure it sounds natural and makes sense, yay. 
> 
> a bit of background, this is set in the northeast somewhere cause that's where i'm from so don't get butthurt if you think 40F is cold it's not that cold!! be quiet, don't cry 
> 
> not sure how long this is gonna be but we'll see, i'll do my best to update quickly for you all!
> 
> wash your hands, donate and sign petitions, we'll get through this together <3

When Jaehyun met Johnny, he almost called the cops. I mean, if you saw a suspicious-looking teen in a drug rug trying to get into a locked Tacoma, you’d be worried too, right? 

Honestly, he thought about that day a lot, probably because it was one of the best days he’d had in a while. It snowed that morning, his boss gave him more hours meaning he was getting paid more, and he found a pack of cigarettes buried under the passenger seat of his car. He always told himself good things came in threes. Jaehyun had been smoking said pack outside the loading area of the Walmart he worked at when he'd seen Johnny.

The guy had walked right up to the truck and looked around, not seeing Jaehyun. The truck looked reasonably new and was parked close to the bay, and Jaehyun could make out the guy's face and hair color pretty well, dark and kind of messy, framing his forehead. He had tried to open the driver’s side door, without success, before nervously circling the truck to try all the doors. At that point Jaehyun was interested. 

After trying all the doors, he peered through the windows before literally dropping to his stomach to look under the car, Jaehyun guessed for keys. The guy still looked agitated and circled the truck to try all the doors again, his breath making clouds in the air. Jaehyun had no idea why, if it was locked the first time it would be locked the second. He wondered if the truck was even his.

The guy had wiped his palms on his sweatshirt and started furiously pulling on the door handle when Jaehyun seriously started to wonder if he was trying to steal the truck, and he nervously took the cigarette out of his mouth. The guy looked around the back parking lot again before making eye contact with Jaehyun. He could see his eyes widen comically before he slowly let go of the door handle.

“I--It’s not what it looks like,” the guy said, his deep voice carrying across the lot despite the distance. Jaehyun jumped nervously at being addressed, his fingertips tingling a little from the cold and the nicotine. 

“Um, okay, what is it then?” He tried to school his features and look calm, leaning back against the concrete building and pulling his jacket tighter around him. He wondered for a second if the guy would try to jump him for being a witness.

“This is my truck, I promise. I just locked the keys inside by accident before I went in,” he said, gesturing to the Walmart. Jaehyun noticed the plastic bag laying against the tire and guessed he had gone in when Jaehyun had gone out on break. 

The guy put his hands in his pockets and sighed defeatedly. “Seriously, I think I’m locked out.” He let out a scornful laugh, his breath making more clouds. “I can’t believe this.”

Jaehyun could see the crushed look on his face and decided he was probably telling the truth. Besides, cars only got stolen in the area, like, every few months, so the chances of that time being one of them were low. Plus, he probably would have run when he saw Jaehyun.

“Do you need help?” he asked, pushing himself off the wall and starting to walk across the lot. The guy looked at him, a little sheepishly, before sighing. 

“I don’t think so, I should probably just call one of those locked car people, you know the ones with the machines that open your car from the window?”

Jaehyun reached the truck and stood next to him, nodding. “Yeah, that makes sense. There’s probably a number online somewhere.” The guy was taller than him, maybe by a few inches, and up close he could tell his hair wasn't dyed. He didn’t look much older than him, maybe in college.

“Right, I’ll look.” He pulled out his phone and started scrolling, meanwhile, Jaehyun moved closer to the truck to peer into the window. It was kind of a mess, but Jaehyun didn’t expect otherwise. He could see clothes and some Dunkin’ cups carpeting the floor, along with part of a bong sticking out from underneath a blanket. Jaehyun smirked. This was definitely his car.

Johnny held the phone up to his ear and started talking to the person on the line, probably the car people. Jaehyun took a drag of his cigarette while Johnny explained his situation and gave the location, watching him from the corner of his eye. He was definitely in college, probably a few years in or maybe in grad school, though that might have been pushing it.

Jaehyun had to admit he wasn’t bad looking, despite looking a bit disgruntled and probably high.

Johnny got off the phone and grinned at him triumphantly, his eyes crinkling up as he shivered a little from the weather. “They’re on their way.” Jaehyun grinned back, lowering the cigarette and nodding his approval. 

“I’m Johnny, by the way.” Jaehyun blinked at him before remembering they were strangers standing in the middle of a Walmart parking lot. 

“Oh, nice. I’m Jaehyun,” he answered, suddenly feeling a bit awkward.

Johnny grinned wider at him, his eyes flicking down to Jaehyun’s nametag and back up to his face. “I know.” Jaehyun looked down, realizing he was still wearing his uniform. 

“Oh, right.” He laughed softly. Suddenly he remembered he was, in fact, still supposed to be working. “Oh shit, what time is it?” he asked, patting his thighs for his phone. “My break is probably over.”

It was over, and Jaehyun wished Johnny luck before hurrying back inside the Walmart to continue his shift. He quickly looked behind him when he got to the door and saw Johnny leaning against his truck, watching him with a bright smile. Jaehyun smiled to himself. What a weird guy. When Jaehyun returned to the parking lot that night after his shift, the truck was gone.

\---

The next time Jaehyun saw Johnny, he had walked right up to his register. He wasn’t wearing his drug rug that time and had switched it for a university hoodie, navy blue. Jaehyun mentally patted himself on the back. Johnny was typing away at his phone while putting his things on the belt, not looking up.

“Hey, you’re the guy who tried to steal that truck. Johnny, right?” Jaehyun grinned wickedly as Johnny’s head snapped up, his eyes wide. When Johnny recognized him, his eyes stayed wide but the corner of his lip quirked up. 

“Dude, what the fuck,” he whispered, looking from side to side. “Jaehyun, I told you it was my truck, I wasn’t lying!” Jaehyun laughed at the whine in his voice.

“I know, I’m just messing with you. Did you get it unlocked okay?”

Johnny finished putting his items on the belt and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, everything worked out. I almost forgot you worked here. How’s your shift going?”

Jaehyun hummed as he scanned the items. It was a little weird talking with people his age at work, especially when he was ringing up their things, but Johnny’s grin was somewhat irresistible. “It’s going alright. I mean, like, I work at a Walmart, so…” 

Johnny laughed, his eyes never leaving his face. They kept light conversation as Jaehyun finished bagging, awkwardly handing Johnny the bag when he finished. Johnny kept smiling at him as he took it, and Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair as he waved goodbye, Johnny waving back. 

Before he could put either hand down, Johnny hesitated and turned to stare at him curiously. Jaehyun stared back with an awkward smile, not sure if he was going to say something or just stand there in the middle of the walkway. 

“You’re fun,” Johnny said after a second, tilting his head slightly. “I like you, we should hang out.”

Jaehyun opened and closed his mouth, a little stunned. “Um,” he started, watching Johnny’s ever-optimistic expression. “Sure?” They’d only ever spoken twice, but it’s not like he could just say no.

Johnny’s eyes sparkled as he nodded, turning and walking out the automatic doors. Jaehyun watched him go, still confused but oddly excited. Johnny was interesting, he had to admit, but he was kind of exciting, unpredictable. He also hadn’t given him a phone number or anything, so Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. 

He turned back to his register at the impatient cough of an elderly woman, smiling apologetically before scanning her first item, Johnny’s grin lingering.

\---

The third time Jaehyun saw Johnny was also in a Walmart, the same one. He guessed it made sense, as he spent most of every day there and it was the only place he and Johnny had ever seen each other.

Jaehyun was checking prices in the cereal aisle when Johnny had turned the corner, earbuds in and basket swinging. Jaehyun almost didn’t register it was him, but when he did his jaw dropped. It was his outfit. He was wearing a white button-down with fitted, black slacks and dress shoes, his hair slicked back away from his face. He looked like a completely different person.

Johnny began grabbing numerous boxes of Lucky Charms off the shelf, completely oblivious of Jaehyun ten feet away. Jaehyun continued to gape at him, taking everything in. Without his oversized layers, Jaehyun could tell he was fit. Like, really fit, with broad shoulders and muscular thighs. 

With at least seven boxes of Lucky Charms in his basket, Johnny turned, finally noticing Jaehyun standing there. He pulled out his earbuds, a grin spreading across his face.

“Oh, hey man!” he said, walking closer, and Jaehyun almost had to step back at the sheer power Johnny exuded. He could have passed as a CEO or something.

He made eye contact, smiling in response to Johnny’s smile. “Uh, hey,” he said softly. He probably sounded a little winded. “You look…Nice?”

Johnny looked down at himself before letting out a laugh. “Oh, yeah. I just came from a party.” Jaehyun looked at him incredulously. It was February, what kind of party meant formal attire? Johnny must have noticed his confused expression and laughed again. “My dad’s friend is retiring, so he threw a whole event thing. My dad wanted us all to dress nice, so the whole family looked like this I guess,” he said, gesturing to his getup. 

Jaehyun hummed airily, eyes moving back up to meet Johnny’s. Johnny was grinning at him like a little kid, his basket of cereal hanging in front of him. They just stared at each other for a minute, a comfortable but loaded silence between them. He really wasn’t sure what feelings were curling inside him, but they were definitely there.

Jaehyun heard himself speak before realizing it was him who’d said it. “Can I have your number?” Johnny’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly, but Jaehyun noticed. “I mean, you want to hang out, right?” He could feel himself losing momentum. “We should, um…You know…”

Johnny giggled, he actually giggled, before pulling out his phone and handing it to Jaehyun. Jaehyun was in the middle of entering his contact info when Johnny asked, “Do you smoke? Weed, I mean, I know you smoke cigs.” 

Jaehyun looked up, handing him back his phone. “Yeah, sometimes. Why?” Johnny smiled at him and then down at his phone, typing something. 

“We should smoke together. If you want, I mean. I always have weed, so…”

Jaehyun felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his phone, a text from an unknown number reading a bunch of smiley emoticons. He grinned. “Yeah, sure.”

“Sweet,” Johnny said, putting his phone away. “I don’t want to keep you, you look busy,” he said pointing his chin to Jaehyun’s barcode scanner.

Jaehyun scoffed, his work embarrassment kicking in. “I guess, yeah.”

Johnny told him he would send him a text sometime and they could get together, and Jaehyun had nodded, still unsure if this was really happening. He kind of felt like he was in a weird dream. Johnny had left, his basket swinging and his shiny shoes glinting under the fluorescents.

\---

Jaehyun got a text from Johnny later that week. Part of him was surprised at how soon he’d reached out, but part of him wondered why it had taken him so damn long. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he thought about Johnny a lot. He was the only interesting thing that had happened to him in a while, and Jaehyun was a little hooked. He wouldn’t describe himself as a venturous person, though he definitely wasn’t boring, but his usually mild self was giddy at the thought of adventure.

He was on his back porch, cigarette in hand, when he got the text.

 _Jaehyun! What r u doing this weekend??_ it read.

Jaehyun ignored the lurch in his stomach to focus on the fact that Johnny texted like a highschooler. It was cute.

 _Hey_ , he replied right away. _I have work sat until 5, wanna do smth after?_

He took a short drag of his cigarette and looked out into the woods that lined his parents’ house. It was still cold, and he was wearing a couple different layers to stay warm. Jaehyun liked the cold, it was refreshing. They hadn’t had too much snow that year, but the winter still made everything feel fresh and other-worldly. Johnny’s response came quickly.

_Sure! I can pick u up? Behind in the parking lot?_

He was talking about the one they’d met in, the back lot by the loading bay, and Jaehyun wasn’t sure why he thought Johnny wouldn’t remember that. He responded affirmatively and Johnny sent back more smiley emoticons.

 _Do u want me to bring anything?_ he asked, knowing Johnny would know what he meant.

Jaehyun didn’t have any weed on him, but there were some beers in the fridge and he knew some people. 

_Nah i have plenty, unless u want anything else_

Jaehyun said he was fine and Johnny asked what else they should do that day. He thought about it, realizing he hadn’t really realized he was going to be spending a whole evening alone with Johnny. Whom he’d met maybe three times? What would they do other than smoke, and where would they smoke? What if Johnny was actually a car-stealing criminal who would take Jaehyun into the woods and kill him via marijuana consumption? Jaehyun leaned against the porch railing and huffed out a laugh. It was probably time to put the cigarette out.

He told Johnny he didn’t know and then asked where they would go to smoke.

 _There’s some space in the woods near my house_ , he responded. _If it gets colder we can just hotbox my truck :D_

Jaehyun smirked, typing back.

_How do i know u won’t just kidnap me and leave me out there :(_

_:O i would never! Besides it’s no fun if u know its coming_ , Johnny responded. 

Laughing, he and Johnny finalized their plans. Jaehyun expected their conversation to just end there, but Johnny kept it going.

_Hows it going, did u work today_

Jaehyun told him about his shift, going on a rant about some guy breaking a whole carton of eggs in the dairy aisle and then refusing to pay because he “hadn’t wanted them in the first place.” It wasn’t even a funny story, but Johnny responded enthusiastically nonetheless. 

Jaehyun asked him if he worked and Johnny told him he had an unpaid internship in town for his major. Jaehyun found out Johnny went to the university in the next state over, whereas Jaehyun went to college a few towns over and commuted. 

_So do u drive all the way out here a lot for work? Where’s ur house, do u live around here or near school?_

Johnny told him he grew up really close to town and his parents lived there, so he stayed with them when he was required to work on-site a few times a week. Johnny’s job sounded industrious.

 _It’s like 20 mins from ur walmart but from school its like an hour and a half, but i dont mind_ , he typed.

They continued to talk about commuting and a few workplace stories, and before he knew it Jaehyun’s cigarette was out and he could see the sun beginning to touch the treetops. The temperature had dropped a bit and he checked the time, realizing it had been over half an hour. He pulled his jacket sleeves over his knuckles, curling into the railing.

 _Hey i have to have dinner with my family soon, talk later?_ he asked, tossing out the cigarette.

Johnny agreed, using a lot of smileys, and Jaehyun put the phone away to open the sliding door back into the house. He tried to tone down his grin a bit, though he doubted it worked much. Johnny seemed cool and was honestly really funny, and even though he'd only met him a few weeks ago, Jaehyun liked talking to him. 

Not to mention, he needed more friends. Most of his friends had gone out of state for college, and while they stayed in touch, he hadn’t seen most of them in months. Meeting someone new was a little exhilarating.

Jaehyun wouldn’t tell anyone this, but he resented not being able to afford a better college. He had wanted so badly to go as far away from home as possible, maybe see parts of the country he’d always wanted to. But circumstances were circumstances and you took the hand you were dealt. He worked hard and was doing well, and that was all that mattered. 

Walking up to his room, he realized he’d never asked what Johnny’s major was. It was probably something interesting; Johnny seemed to surprise him at every turn, showing new layers of himself each time. _Like an onion_ , his lightly buzzed brain supplied.

The thought of him in his drug rug, huddling against his Tacoma in the cold with a grin made Jaehyun smile. He had Saturday to look forward to.

\---

Saturday did not, in fact, come quickly. The week dragged on so long Jaehyun was almost convinced he was trapped in some weird time glitch. He complained about it to one of his coworkers, Jeno, one of the few employees younger than him. Jeno was all innocent smiles and sympathetic expressions, which was the opposite of what Jaehyun really needed out of consolation. He felt antsy and impatient, and wished he could just turn the days forward instead of being stifled by the passage of time. 

“That’s, like, really poetic, Jaehyun, maybe you should go into poetry,” Jeno said, smiling brightly despite the dull atmosphere. Jaehyun loved Jeno, but sometimes he wondered what he spiked his cereal with. Maybe he should give it a try.

When Saturday finally came around, Jaehyun managed to keep his nerves in check, much to his own surprise. He was usually pretty collected, but the past few weeks had felt like a rollercoaster of new things--new faces, new feelings, new experiences. He rushed to change his clothes after ending his shift, taking out the outfit he'd admittedly spent too much time thinking about. At least what he’d picked was warm.

Johnny was waiting in the parking lot, his Tacoma running in the cold and churning out hot exhaust. He was leaning against the side with his hood up and hands in pockets, though Jaehyun didn’t know why. He knew what car it was and it was pretty cold, barely 40℉. 

Jaehyun jogged up to the truck and a grinning Johnny, and they exchanged daps and “hey man’s” before hopping into the truck. He liked how natural it felt, though he could feel his nerves buzzing as he settled into the seat, the kind of rush he usually got from nicotine or maybe long-distance running.

The truck was warm, and he felt himself sinking into the warm seat. It was also a little cleaner, he noticed, and he smiled to himself as Johnny put it in gear and started pulling out.

“Dude,” Johnny said, bouncing up and down in his seat slightly. “I’m so excited.”

Jaehyun looked over at him, laughing. “I thought you smoked, like, a lot. What’s so exciting about this?” Johnny looked back at him, the lights from the road and other cars reflecting onto his face as they picked up speed.

“I do, I do, I’m a bit of a stoner, heh. But like,” he paused, looking back to the road. “It’s been a while since I’ve smoked with someone else, most of my friends have been busy with midterms and vacations.” He laughed lightly, mumbling the rest of the sentence. “And…I dunno, you seem cool. And I don’t have to smoke alone, so.”

Jaehyun watched him more closely and could see he was nervous. Jaehyun wasn’t sure why he thought Johnny wouldn’t be, they were both little more than acquaintances. Plus, Johnny had spontaneously invited said acquaintance to do illegal things, so Jaehyun guessed it made sense. Johnny always seemed so animated and zealous, but Jaehyun liked getting to see more of how he ticked. 

Then had texted a lot leading up to Saturday, almost every day. Mostly small things, like work updates and assurances that plans were a-go, but they had also gotten to know each other a little better. Johnny had told him he was majoring in architecture, which both surprised Jaehyun and didn’t. It was definitely interesting and industrial, but also reflected the more serious side of Johnny he hadn’t seen yet. He thought it suited him, though, and apparently he was doing well at his internship.

Jaehyun had opened up about being at community college, but surprisingly hadn’t felt compelled to give the “I’m saving money” or “it’s just a stepping stone” spiel to Johnny. Johnny hadn’t even mentioned it, and didn’t even give the usual “Oh nice, you know my niece is in community college” response, which Jaehyun much appreciated. School hadn’t come up much after that.

The sun was starting to set over the horizon, and Jaehyun watched it through the trees as they drove.

“You wanna put music on, I have an aux,” Johnny said, handing Jaehyun the cord.

Jaehyun took it hesitantly, never really one for handling playlists. “Um, sure, is there anything you want to hear? I kind of listen to everything.”

Johnny shrugged and suggested some artists, mostly rap which Jaehyun was good with. He put on some Lil Tecca and qued up some Drake and they settled into the Tacoma’s deep bass.

“So,” Johnny started, wiggling his eyebrows at Jaehyun, “how was work?”

Jaehyun scoffed at him and rolled his eyes. “I think you care more about my job than I do, man.”

They laughed and Johnny shrugged. “It was fine, I guess. I mean, it’s always fine,” he answered. “Honestly the only interesting things that happen are the people there, Walmart attracts some wack-ass people.”

Johnny laughed, throwing his head back slightly. “Bro, you’re not kidding!” Jaehyun watched his grin go from a seven to a ten, his teeth impossibly straight. “One time, at the Walmart near my campus, I saw this old guy walk in wearing a speedo. Just the speedo, literally nothing else. I shit you not, not even shoes!” 

Jaehyun cringed as the image forced its way into his mind, and he cackled alongside Johnny. “What the fuck, are you serious? How did he even get in without shoes?” 

Johnny made a noise that translated to “hell if I know,” and they laughed together with the music in the background. Johnny’s laugh was really nice. Jaehyun didn’t know why he noticed, but it was deep and filled the whole space. 

He snuck another glance to his left and made eye contact with Johnny, quickly flicking his eyes back to the road ahead. Well, shit. Now Johnny might think he was uncomfortable. He wasn’t, he was more than comfortable. Why did he look away, he hadn’t needed to.

Johnny left the interstate to drive down a quieter road. They must have been getting close, and the sun was getting even lower in the sky.

“We’re almost there,” he said, flicking on his high beams. “Really, though, I’m pumped. This’ll be fun!” Jaehyun hummed in agreement, watching the landscape change from wooded to more populated. He had driven through there a few times but had never stayed long.

They passed through a small town center with restaurants, a post office, and a theatre before continuing on into a more rural area. The houses looked pretty nice, not huge, but well-kempt. Johnny pulled into a dirt driveway that led to what Jaehyun assumed was his house, and they parked on the grass. “You ready?” Johnny asked, smiling at Jaehyun intently.

Jaehyun could read behind the smile; Johnny wanted to make sure he was still down, which he appreciated. “Yeah, man, let’s go.”

Jaehyun walked beside him with his stuff as they trekked around the side of the house and towards the woods. “Nice house,” he said amicably, more out of respect and to break the silence that had started to stretch on. He was serious though, it was a nice house.

“Ah, thanks. My parents aren’t home right now, I’m honestly not sure where they are.” He chuckled and Jaehyun smiled, digging his hands further into his pockets. It was definitely chilly, and he was glad he had gloves in his bag.

They didn’t walk far into the woods. Johnny brought them to a fallen tree that was about bench height, and he could see the house not too far away. The log had two-by-fours built securely into a platform on top, and Johnny swung himself right on top and sat with his legs crossed. It was obvious he was really comfortable with the place.

Jaehyun joined him, and Johnny grinned at him excitedly as he pulled stuff out of his bag. “I thought pre-rolled would be easier, so here,” he said, handing Jaehyun a joint out of a tin. Jaehyun thanked him and took it, taking the lighter that was offered right after.

His fingers shook a little from the cold, but the first hit felt like most first hits do, and he let the familiar feeling roll down his spinal cord and into his muscles. He let out a long sigh and Johnny smirked at him, his eyes never leaving his face as Jaehyun took a second hit. He passed the blunt over and Johnny took it, leaning back and exhaling slowly into the air. He looked really relaxed. He bet he did, too, even with both of them bundled in hoodies and coats.

“Um, you smoke here a lot?” Jaehyun asked, playing with the hem of his sleeve. Johnny quirked an eyebrow at him, taking another hit. Jaehyun watched the smoke leave his mouth and nose as he answered.

“Is that your way of asking if I come here often?” he asked, teasing.

Jaehyun jostled his knee with his own, groaning. “Johnny, you know what I meant. I know you smoke a lot, but like. How often, I guess? I was trying to ask?” He trailed off as Johnny passed him the blunt again.

Johnny snorted at him, tucking his hands close to his chest. “Um, I smoke most weekends, I guess, and maybe…Half the times I come out here a month I’ll probably smoke too. Not like every day, though, that’s a little much even for me.”

Jaehyun nodded, the smoke in his lungs beginning to send tingles through his limbs. “That’s cool. I honestly haven’t smoked much since highschool, but I have fun when I do,” he said, raising the joint in a sort of toast, to what he wasn’t sure, and Johnny grinned back at him.

They passed the blunt back and forth for a while, and Johnny filled the silence with jokes and a couple of questions about Jaehyun. He answered, his body getting looser as the minutes ticked by. He had to admit he was very content. 

After the first joint was finished, Johnny fished out a second one and lit it up, passing it back and forth between them as they talked. It was almost completely dark now.

They both jumped as a squirrel leaped from one tree to another a few feet above them in the darkness. Jaehyun watched it, jaw slack, as it clamored up the trunk and disappeared somewhere. He looked back down at Johnny, an equally dumb expression on his face, and Jaehyun hid a smile behind his sleeve-coveted fist. They stared at each other for a minute before Jaehyun burst into laughter, Johnny’s hazy expression making a small “o.”

“Dude, are you laughing at me?” he said, gawking at Jaehyun bent over. Jaehyun put his hand over his mouth but couldn’t stop, and soon Johnny was laughing with him, the two of them leaning into each other and snickering. 

Their hot breath mingled with the smoke from the glowing joint still in Jaehyun’s fingers. It ended up somewhere on the platform between them and Jaehyun swore, still grinning and out of breath as he scrambled with numb fingers to pick it up again, his eyes straining.

“I got it,” Johnny mumbled, carefully picking it up with his thumb and forefinger. He twisted his hand and held it out for Jaehyun to take. He did, looking up to meet Johnny’s eyes as he brought the blunt to his mouth. They'd ended up closer together than they'd been earlier, maybe a foot and a half between their faces. 

Even in the darkness, he could make out Johnny’s face and the outline of his shoulders, the glow from the blunt reflecting in his eyes. Johnny held their eye contact, his pupils dilated, and Jaehyun probably couldn’t have looked away if he tried. 

He inhaled the smoke slowly, his brain speed reduced to a crawl from the high. The world seemed to lag around him in the darkness, Johnny’s face coming to the forefront of their own personal dimension. He watched as Johnny’s eyes flicked down to Jaehyun’s mouth as he lowered the blunt and exhaled slowly, letting the smoke curl slowly between them. It filled the space, lapping at Johnny’s sweatshirt and just reaching his face before dissipating. 

Johnny’s eyes came back to meet his own, and Jaehyun could see a shiver run from his shoulders down his back. They stayed like that for a minute, the air around them impossibly intimate as Jaehyun tried to wrap his head around too many thoughts at once. He focused on one.

“You’re cold. Are you cold?” he asked quietly, jarring them both out of their trance. Johnny blinked at him slowly before pulling back slightly, accepting the dying joint from Jaehyun. “Ah, I guess a little,” he answered, taking a hit and meeting Jaehyun’s eyes again. “I honestly forgot we were outside.” 

Jaehyun smiled at him and sat up straighter, arching his back in a stretch as he willed his mind to stop spinning. “Wanna go back to the truck? We can finish it there if you want.” He gestured to what was left of the joint in Johnny’s hand and he nodded. They packed up their stuff, fumbling a little in the dark, and set off towards the house. 

Johnny almost tripped over a branch and Jaehyun laughed at him, far from stable himself. Leaning on each other and still passing the joint back and forth, they managed to make it back to the truck, Johnny starting it and putting the heat on full blast. They both melted into the seats as they waited for the heat to come on, looking over at each other and grinning in their shared drug-induced haze. 

“Dude, you look so baked right now,” Johnny said, his eyes half closed. It took half a second to register the words, and Jaehyun exhaled smoke as he huffed out a laugh, his features twisting incredulously. “Speak for yourself, John, you look like you might fall asleep.”

Johnny laughed at him, an eyebrow twitching upwards. “Dude, I might actually though.” Jaehyun turned to look out the window and hummed in satisfaction and agreement. “Can’t, though, gotta drive you home and come back.”

Jaehyun looked back at him, nodding and blinking slowly. “Yeah, what time is it? It feels so late, but it's probably still early, right? Winter time is wack.” Johnny nodded, pointing his chin at the dashboard clock showing it wasn’t even nine o’clock. They had been out there for a while. Thinking back, Jaehyun realized they had spent a lot of the time talking, the joint forgotten in someone’s hand. He tried to remember what they’d talked about, but that required more brainpower than he felt necessary at the moment. He hummed and passed Johnny what was left of the joint. He took a last hit before rolling the window down and tossing it onto the wet grass. The car was beginning to get warm and Johnny sighed back into the seat.

“I don’t want to move, this feels so nice.” Jaehyun nodded and let his head fall back and his eyes close. He felt so relaxed, more so than he had in a while, and he wanted to savor the moment. His head swam lazily, his legs tingled, and his fingers were starting to defrost, all good things. The whole day had been good, really. 

He hadn’t really had expectations, mostly just reservations, but Jaehyun had genuinely enjoyed hanging out with him. Johnny, with his long-ass legs, goofy smile, and bad jokes. He really did smile a lot, maybe Jaehyun should more as well. Johnny’s smile appeared behind his eyelids as he basked in the heat blasting over him. What a weird guy, good weird though. Jaehyun thought of himself as weird, too, so he guessed he meant it as a compliment. _Shit, I'm really high_.

He shifted in his seat, realizing he’d gotten lost in his thoughts for a minute. Maybe longer, as he didn’t have great time perception when he was high. He opened his eyes and looked over at Johnny, only to find him looking right back at him. They held charged eye contact for a couple of seconds before the corners of Johnny’s lips turned up and he said “hey.” Jaehyun smiled back before turning his head to stare ahead, his heart leaping slightly. 

“You’re interesting, you know?” he said after a moment, Johnny’s eyes not leaving his face in his peripheral vision.

“Well,” Johnny started dramatically, “I would sure hope so. Boring people are boring.”

Jaehyun chuckled and nodded along. “Boring people are boring.”

Johnny stretched and pulled out a water bottle, checking his phone as he drank. “You wanna head out soon? I don’t want to hold you hostage in the middle of nowhere for too long, someone might come looking for your ass.”

Jaehyun grinned at him, pushing himself back up. “Hah, like who, my manager? Creepy fucker.”

Johnny barked out a laugh, his eyebrows almost disappearing under his hair. “I sense a story, lay it on me, man.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes as Johnny put the car in gear and started pulling down the driveway. “Too many. You good to drive?” he asked, though he knew they were both fine. Johnny hummed in affirmation, and Jaehyun started on about the time his manager had asked multiple female employees for nudes last year and how his dad was some important Walmart higher-up so he never got fired. 

“He also has this gross-ass mustache. Like, I don’t hate the job and everyone else there is fine, but Jerry, man. Fuck.” Johnny cackled, and they both spent the next minute trying to get each other to stop laughing.

Johnny dropped him off soon after, and Jaehyun successfully avoided his family for a bowl of cereal before secluding himself in his room to ride off his high. He felt fantastic. He felt light and fantastic and a little giddy, and it filled him up completely. He focused on the lingering tingle in his legs as he lay sprawled in bed, an involuntary grin spreading across his face. 

He really wasn’t sure what was so exciting about Johnny. He was just a guy with a truck. A guy Jaehyun’s age with a truck and who had a nice laugh. Jaehyun’s phone vibrated and he felt for it, tapping the screen to see a text from Johnny. 

_Just got home, thnks for letting me smoke u up!! :D_ it read. Jaehyun grinned wider. What a dork.

 _Ofc man_ , he typed back, _10/10 would smoke up again_

Johnny responded with a laughing emoji and Jaehyun ignored the tightness in his chest. He had a feeling this was going to be a good winter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey we're back! i saw a lot of bears this month so i thought i'd add that, haha. enjoy!

The woman checking out at Jaehyun’s register had two toddlers, one crying and the other making the first cry. Jaehyun felt sorry for her, giving her an empathetic smile as she apologized, frantically pulling out her card to put into the machine while chastising both kids. 

He let out a breath as he watched the woman shuffle off with her screaming children, the ringing in his ears getting quieter. He looked back to the register and his eyes widened when Johnny’s cat-like grin filled almost all of his field of vision.

“What’s up, man,” Johnny said, leaning against the counter as he put his things on the belt. It took Jaehyun a second to compose himself before answering.

“Hey. Not much, you?” Johnny shrugged, placing down three or four quarts of milk.

“Eh, same old. So also not much.” Jaehyun smirked and then raised an eyebrow at the milk as he scanned it, giving Johnny the same look. Who the hell drank that much milk? Fuck, what if Johnny was one of those people who drank milk by itself? 

Johnny gasped quietly and dramatically placed a hand on his chest. “What, are you judging my purchases?” he said in mock horror. “I’ll have you know I’m a paying customer of this fine establishment, I think I’ll have to speak to your manager.”

Jaehyun laughed, rolling his eyes. “Oh, yeah, Jerry’d get a kick out of you.”

Johnny’s eyes widened and he brought his hand up to grin into his fist as Jaehyun laughed again, remembering Saturday’s conversation. Johnny eyed over his shoulder suspiciously, leaning in. “Fuck, I forgot about Jerry. Is he even here today?”

Jaehyun grinned wickedly, pointing behind Johnny to where his manager was leaning against the door to the office, phone in hand and looking greasy as ever. Johnny whipped around rather conspicuously before turning back to Jaehyun, his eyes even wider. “Oh shit. He looks exactly like I thought he would.” 

Jaehyun barked out a laugh and slapped a hand over his mouth, remembering Jerry was twenty feet away and was responsible for his paychecks. Johnny cackled at him and they both hunched over maliciously as they tried to control their laughter. After a minute, Jaehyun straightened up and cleared his throat, trying not to laugh again as Johnny grinned at him. “So. Milk?”

Johnny shrugged, taking out his card. “What can I say, I eat a lot of cereal.” Jaehyun nodded, remembering when he’d come in dressed like a CEO and bought, like, eight boxes of Lucky Charms.

“Same, man.” Johnny paid and Jaehyun started putting the things in a plastic bag. Now that he thought about it, he only ever seemed to meet Johnny at Walmart, this Walmart. It wasn’t exactly close to Johnny’s house, and he knew there were closer places to buy milk and cereal. 

His heart did a little jump kick in his chest and he was feeling bold. “Careful, if you keep showing up I might think you’re coming here for me,” he said, shifting his eyes up briefly to look at Johnny. 

Johnny held his gaze and shrugged, one of his eyebrows quirking up like it did when he was teasing. “Hmm, who knows,” he said airily, taking the bag from Jaehyun. He was still staring. “This is a nice Walmart. It’s got a lot of things I like.” 

Jaehyun just blinked at him and watched the corners of his mouth curve up. Johnny threw up a hand in a wave as he left and Jaehyun waved back, the Deja Vu hitting him hard as he turned back to the register.

That wasn’t…No, definitely not. He could feel his heart beating in his chest and he wanted it to stop. He couldn’t just assume every overly friendly guy was flirting, that’s not how it worked. He would know, he was usually the overly friendly guy.

_Okay_ , he mouthed to himself, _what the fuck_.

\---

Johnny texted him the next day. He’d be back on campus the next few days but later that week he’d be around for his internship. 

_U down to hang again?_ he wrote, following it up with: _math talk w old guys is getting boring nd i need some good company :D_

Unsurprisingly, Jaehyun had agreed with a grin and asked if he was free Wednesday, as he had a day off and only one class in the morning. Johnny asked if he needed a ride and Jaehyun knew he wouldn’t have his own car around for a while and said yes, hoping it wasn’t too out of the way.

_Its totally fine i like driving! Besides ur a good dj_

Jaehyun laughed because he really wasn’t, but he gave his address and Johnny asked what time he wanted to come. He had an essay he should probably start thinking about, but there was plenty of time for that another day. Smoke first, think later. Johnny proposed a time and Jaehyun told him that was fine.

That was definitely fine. Actually, that was good. He and Johnny had texted a bit since that first Saturday, and he'd been meaning to bring up going to smoke again but hadn’t worked himself up enough to do it. He didn’t want to sound too eager and come across like he just wanted free weed, because he genuinely enjoyed the company. He felt like he kept telling himself the same things over and over, but Johnny seemed really solid. 

Solid enough to break up Jaehyun’s routine and create a wave, even just a little one. Johnny seemed to be taking up a lot of his thoughts those days, and Jaehyun would be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed. He wondered how he looked in Johnny’s eyes. Jaehyun didn’t pay much attention to how people saw him, but he wondered what kind of impression he had made on him. 

He thought about his own impressions of Johnny, from the parking lot and the truck. He could picture it, Johnny pressing the phone to his ear and himself peering into the messy Tacoma. Johnny’s larger than life figure and smile tucking itself away in his mind like lecture notes, waiting to be gone over after class or something.

A new text notification brought Jaehyun out of his thoughts, and he unlocked his phone to a picture of a very large black animal on a porch deck, Johnny’s deck to be exact. Jaehyun squinted his eyes at it and realized it was actually two large black animals, one behind a porch screen and the other on the deck.

_My dog found his twin!!!_ the text read, and Jaehyun did a double-take.

In his defense, the picture was a little blurry, but now he could differentiate what was definitely a dog in front of the screen and what was definitely a bear on the other side. He grinned again, typing a response. 

_Holy shit thats a big bear is it there now?_ he said before realizing he hadn’t known Johnny had a dog. _I didn’t know u had a dog, hes huge!_

From this perspective, the dog was almost as big as the bear, and Jaehyun bet he was probably close in real life. Big dogs were great.

_Yeah he just showed up on the porch a second ago, scared the shit outof me lol_ , Johnny texted back. _And yeah weve had him forever hes a big old man, we love him :) The funny thing is his names actual bear lmao_

Jaehyun smiled. People always thought big dogs were scary, especially with names like Butch or Angus or Bear. Jaehyun wondered if Bear got his soft side from Johnny. 

Jaehyun hadn’t seen a bear around since last summer, though he knew there were a lot in the area. Black bears were pretty common and most people just left them alone, they were pretty shy animals.

_Aww thats cute maybe the bear thinks hes family haha_ , he responded. _Isn’t it early for bears tho like dont they come out in the spring?_

_Shit ur right maybe smth woke him up lmao. Its been a little warmer this winter maybe thats it_

Jaehyun agreed and asked for more dog pictures, which he got immediately along with some smiley emoticons. Johnny was in some of them, along with some other people Jaehyun assumed were Johnny’s family or friends.

_Wait u have to meet him on wed!! You’ll love him i promise hes the sweetest_

Jaehyun told him he’d be honored to meet his giant bear and Johnny responded with more laughing emojis.

_Rlly tho, and u can come in and hang out inside if u want? i wanted to ask last time but wasnt sure ud be down_

Jaehyun blinked down at the text and his fingers wavered. Johnny was inviting him over, like _over_ over, to hang out. In his house. Where he lived and breathed and ate cereal. 

Jaehyun wasn’t sure why that made him hesitate, as this probably would have come up sooner or later. He could practically feel Johnny’s own hesitation through the phone, and he pictured Johnny nervously hunched over his phone in his room or maybe his truck, the thought making him a little less nervous.

_I have a playstation and a switch, we can play cod or mario cart or smth if u like games? U dont have to tho im super down to just smoke too_

Jaehyun thought for half a minute before responding. This was good. Video games definitely sounded good.

_No that sounds really good im boss at cod and also mario cart lmao_ , he replied.

_Dude sweet, im totally gonna kick ur ass tho_

_Bro u wish_. Jaehyun grinned. _Cant wait tho, see u wed?_

Johnny responded with multiple thumbs-up emojis and it was settled. He put the phone down and laughed at himself quietly--he needed to stop being so dramatic. It really wasn’t such a big deal, and he wasn’t sure why he was making it out as one.

Jaehyun spent a lot of time at various friends’ houses, and there was always a first visit. This wasn’t any different, it was just an upgrade from Saturday. _A Hang Out+_ , his brain supplied. _Hang Out+, no fuss_. Maybe it was time to brush up on his Call of Duty skills.

\---

Johnny picked him up and they drove the same way to Johnny’s house. It felt as natural as the first time, Jaehyun being handed the aux again and playing something similar to the previous trip, with a few classics mixed in. 

It was warmer than usual, maybe around 50℉, and Johnny looked relaxed in a flannel and joggers. His hair was still a little wet, and Jaehyun watched him try and pull his fingers through it to straighten it out and keep it out of his eyes. Johnny caught him looking.

“Sorry, I was at the gym before and just took a shower,” he said, and Jaehyun had no idea what he was sorry for. 

“Dude, why’re you apologizing,” he said, glancing at him with a smile. Johnny shrugged, smiling back. “I haven’t been to the gym in forever, there’s not one near my house so I keep forgetting,” Jaehyun continued.

Jaehyun could see Johnny watching him from the corner of his eye and he pointedly ignored how that made him feel, instead scrolling through some playlists on his phone. “Still, you look like you work out. There’s a gym near me if you ever want to come with.”

Jaehyun felt his pulse jump and he looked up at Johnny calmly. “Definitely, yeah, that’d be cool.”

\---

The woods behind Johnny’s house looked different in broad daylight, and he told Johnny as such. He agreed, and Jaehyun felt like he was going there for the first time when he saw the platform perched on the log. The tree perpendicular was a big pine, and Jaehyun bet he could reach the bottom-most branches and scale it pretty easily. He wondered if Johnny’d ever done that.

They passed the blunt back and forth and Jaehyun asked him about his internship. “Yeah, it’s going well,” Johnny said, leaning back and exhaling the smoke into his lap. “I’m working in one of the design offices right now so I get to help out with some of the plans and blueprints. Honestly, I thought it would be a lot of drawing, but it’s mostly math.”

Jaehyun laughed and Johnny passed him the joint again. “That’s good you like it, though.” 

Johnny nodded and Jaehyun took a hit, slouching further into the platform. His mind was starting to slow a little, his reactions more delayed, and the platform was slightly warm from the sun, though it was hidden through the trees. Jaehyun thought sunlight in winter was one of the most underrated things. Something about hot and cold together was really satisfying.

“Wait, how old are you?” Johnny asked suddenly, and Jaehyun looked up.

“I’m nineteen. Actually, I just turned nineteen earlier this month. I’m a sophomore,” he added, not remembering if he’d told Johnny or not.

“Oh cool, I just turned twenty-one this month too!” Johnny grinned at him as Jaehyun passed him the blunt.

“You’re a junior, though, right?” he asked, watching Johnny inhale smoothly. He hummed and nodded.

“Yeah, I took a gap year to work with my dad. It was good, I’m glad I did it.” Jaehyun nodded in appreciation. He’d considered a gap year to work, but he would have worked anyway so he’d just gone straight to school.

“How’s being twenty-one, do anything fun on your birthday?”

Johnny nodded through the smoke as he relit the joint. “Yeah, some friends and I went to a bar, it was pretty cool. It was funny though, cause only one other friend had a real ID and everyone else had fakes. I’m older than most of them 'cause of the gap year.”

Jaehyun laughed and called him an old man. “Old man John,” he said teasingly, and Johnny kicked him. They passed the joint between them a few times until it was out. Johnny lifted another joint out of the tin and held it up as if to ask “another?” Jaehyun lifted his chin in agreement, and Johnny grabbed the lighter.

Jaehyun watched him as he did his thing, his fingers moving deftly around the lighter. It was probably a Zippo lighter, but it had a lighthouse and ocean design. Jaehyun lifted his eyes to Johnny’s face, his bangs hanging over his eyes and his hair shining subtly in the dull light. 

Johnny lifted his eyes to meet his, placing the joint in his mouth as he put the lighter away. They held eye contact and Johnny smiled around the joint, surprising Jaehyun by being the first to look away after a few seconds. Johnny exhaled and Jaehyun watched the smoke leave his mouth and nose, his mind forward-stroking through his high. 

“Nice lighter,” Jaehyun said, mostly because he could feel an awkward silence coming on. Johnny looked up excitedly, going on about how he’d seen it in a gift shop in Cape Cod a bunch of years back and persuaded his older cousin to buy it for him. Johnny told him about how much he loved the ocean, and Jaehyun agreed, telling him about the first time he’d been to the Cape.

They talked about the ocean and the East Coast, and Jaehyun asked about Johnny’s family. Johnny told him about his parents and his younger brother, Mark, who was a senior in highschool. “He’ll probably be home later, you can meet him,” Johnny said, his eyes half-closed as he leaned on one hand, his body stretching in an attractive line.

Jaehyun hummed slowly and remembered their conversation about Johnny’s dog, Bear. “And your dog, I wanna meet him too.”

Johnny nodded distractedly and then nodded again, more alert. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You can meet him now if you want, we can go inside. This is almost out, anyways,” he said, raising the blunt before passing it to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun nodded as he took a particularly long hit, watching the lit end glow and shrink. “Yeah, let’s go.” He took one last hit before tossing the butt onto the damp ground and stepping on it. He always felt like he was in Terminator or something when he did that. He could see remnants of a few others littering the ground as well, but it was all organic matter so it was probably okay. 

He and Johnny trekked back out of the woods, the daylight making the short journey easier than it had been before. They walked up to the back of the house and Jaehyun recognized the deck from Johnny’s picture of the bear. He could also see the Tacoma parked in front, still the only car in the driveway.

Johnny led them through the backdoor and up some stairs, and soon Jaehyun was standing in Johnny’s kitchen. The house was just as nice on the inside as the outside, with dark mahogany furniture, granite counters, and interesting vases on tables. The house felt relatively masculine, with darker colors and leather furniture, but the decoration was definitely feminine. Jaehyun remembered Johnny’s mom was an interior designer.

“Wow. This is really nice.” Johnny looked at him briefly as he put some things on a table and smiled.

“Thanks.” He looked almost shy, it was cute. Jaehyun wondered if that was the weed talking.

His thoughts were interrupted as he heard the jingle of a chain and something heavy, and he looked over to see Bear coming down the stairs like a black bowling ball. He lumbered over expectantly, his wrinkly face grinning up at him. He wondered if everyone in Johnny’s family had nice smiles. 

Jaehyun bent over as Bear crowded into his space, giving him a good sniff all over. “See, he’s the sweetest,” Johnny said, leaning into Jaehyun’s side and patting Bear’s side aggressively. 

Jaehyun could feel Johnny’s body heat pressed into him and the dog’s warmth in front, and it spread through him like fog over water. His legs tingled from the weed and he just smiled, Bear’s weight pressed into Jaehyun’s thighs like an anchor.

Johnny moved further into the kitchen as Jaehyun dropped to a knee to further appreciate his new friend. “You hungry? Cause I’m, like, starving,” Johnny said, and Jaehyun looked up to see him rummaging through both the fridge and a cabinet at the same time. Johnny was taller than the fridge by a good few inches.

He nodded before realizing Johnny couldn’t see him. “Fuck yeah, I’m always hungry.” Johnny laughed and held up a box of cereal in question. Jaehyun grinned back and gave him a thumbs up.

They ended up on Johnny’s leather couch in front of a massive TV, both with bowls of chocolate Lucky Charms and PlayStation controllers in hand. They were about fifteen minutes into Modern Warfare and Jaehyun had to admit Johnny was good. But he was better. 

Johnny swore again around a mouthful of cereal as he died again, and Jaehyun chuckled when Johnny pushed him away with a socked foot. “What the fuck, stop being so good at this. We’re on the same team, you’re supposed to help me.”

Jaehyun eyed him from where Johnny was still shoving him with his foot. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t exert my superiority over you. And don’t spill my cereal, asshole.”

Johnny stuck his tongue out as he tried to get back to where he was in-game. “Dude, I didn’t know you were so competitive. You look so calm on the outside, you’re like a big puppy--”

It was Jaehyun’s turn to shove him, and he grinned as Johnny yelped, shielding himself with the controller. “But you’re really just a big meanie.” Jaehyun laughed at him and they settled back into the game, Bear sprawled haphazardly at their feet.

After a while, Jaehyun heard a car pull up the driveway and Johnny craned his neck to look. “That’s probably Mark. He’s early though, he usually has like seven extracurriculars, not including sports.”

“Ah,” Jaehyun responded, though he was focusing on the game. “I know the type.”

Johnny scoffed. “I know, right? But it’s like his thing, so, kudos.”

The front door eventually opened and Johnny greeted him with a “hey, bro” when Mark made his way into the living room. “Hey, what’s up,” he said back, before noticing Jaehyun on the couch and waving. He was shorter than Johnny but had the same bright smile and strong features.

“This is Jaehyun, I met him in a Walmart parking lot and now we’re friends.” Mark’s eyebrows shot up but he laughed, and Jaehyun nudged Johnny with his foot, muttering “what the fuck.”

“What?” Johnny asked, grinning wickedly. “That’s what happened!”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and looked over at Mark who was taking things out of his bag as he watched them. “Um, he’s not wrong. But yeah, I’m Jaehyun.”

“Mark, nice to meet you, man,” he said, coming over to grab his hand in greeting. He leaned on the back of the couch and watched them play as he responded to Johnny asking about school. 

Jaehyun noted his high was starting to wear a little as he multitasked, continuing to work on the quest and listening to Mark as he talked about some of his day. Apparently basketball practice had been canceled because the coach’s daughter was sick, and supposedly one of Mark’s friends had been suspended again. Jaehyun smiled at that one.

“Did you guys smoke earlier?” Mark asked, and Johnny nodded.

“Yeah, you want some?” he said, gesturing vaguely to the other room.

“Nah, I’m good. I have some work to do.” Johnny hummed and went back to playing as Mark made his way upstairs after saying goodbye. Bear got up from his spot and followed him upstairs.

It was quiet between them, aside from the sounds coming from the TV. Jaehyun wasn’t sure what to say to break the silence, so he focused his attention on the screen. Johnny looked over at him, his expression open. He looked really calm, almost in his element, with his hair parted and swept back slightly.

“You good, man?” he asked, and Jaehyun nodded, maybe a little too quickly.

“Yeah, just thinking I guess.” They held eye contact again as usual, and this time Jaehyun was the first to break it. He’d rather not think anymore.

“Wanna switch it up and play Mario Cart?” Johnny asked, and Jaehyun bet he could feel the mood starting to change as well and was trying to keep it easy. He relaxed his shoulders and grinned, looking back over at Johnny who was still watching him.

“Absolutely.”

\---

Jaehyun only realized how late it was when Mark came down to make food. It was nearing eight o’clock and was already dark out, something neither of them had really noticed.

“Turn a light on or something, you’re gonna hurt your eyes,” Mark said, coming in to turn on the ceiling lights. They both squinted but stayed preoccupied with Rainbow Road.

“Yes, mom,” Johnny said, and Mark smacked the back of his head as he went back upstairs with his pizza rolls. Jaehyun laughed as Johnny rubbed his head and pouted. They both turned a second later as Mark poked his head around the door and called out to Johnny. 

“Hey, are you coming to the game on Friday? I can’t remember if Mom and Dad are coming, but you should come.”

Johnny nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah. I’ll be around, so sure.” Mark smiled and then made eye contact with Jaehyun who smiled neutrally, trying not to create any expectations.

“Jaehyun, you can come if you want, it’s like five bucks I think. There’s food, too,” he added with a grin that looked a lot like Johnny’s.

Jaehyun looked from Mark over to Johnny, who nodded at him enthusiastically. “Yeah, you should come! Those games are usually pretty lively.”

Jaehyun nodded. He hadn’t been to a highschool sports game since he graduated, especially basketball as he had mostly done wrestling in winter. He took a second to mull it over, trying to focus on his work schedule and not the fact that both Johnny and Mark actually wanted him to come. 

They hadn’t gone to the same highschool, Johnny and Mark going to a school a short drive away. Jaehyun wouldn’t know anyone there, let alone the fact he had never set foot on its campus. He thought about it, and despite his internal debate, he told himself it would be good. _I need to get out more anyways_ , he concluded, drowning out his primary thought of _I want to spend more time with Johnny_. 

“Yeah, I’m down,” Jaehyun said, watching Johnny’s grin widen. He nudged Jaehyun’s side with his foot as he said “nice,” and the feeling lingered even after he’d moved away.

Mark grinned and gave him a thumbs-up before disappearing back upstairs, taking the smell of pizza rolls with him. Johnny slouched back into the couch and rubbed a hand over his face and then through his hair. 

“Fuck, now I’m hungry.” He looked over at Jaehyun. “You know what sounds mad good right now?” Jaehyun hummed in question and Johnny wiggled his eyebrows seductively. “McDonald’s.”

Jaehyun groaned and slid a little ways down the couch cushion, the thought of french fries making his legs weak. “Oh my god, yes,” he said, and Johnny laughed. 

“There’s one like eight minutes away, wanna drive?” Jaehyun nodded vigorously and Johnny threw down his controller after turning off the TV, motioning for him to follow. Laughing and grabbing their things, they practically sprinted out of the house and towards Johnny’s truck. 

\---

The heat blasted inside the Tacoma as they ate, some trap playlist playing in the background. Johnny had peeled out of the driveway so fast the truck spit gravel, and they had made it to the drive-through in five minutes. 

Johnny moaned around a chicken nugget and Jaehyun elbowed him in disgust, or at least that’s what he told himself as Johnny grinned back at him. Jaehyun felt like listening to trap in a McDonald’s parking lot at night was one of the most quintessential small-town experiences. He told this to Johnny and he laughed, nodding, as he drank his milkshake. They’d both gotten vanilla, and Jaehyun was currently dipping his fries in it.

“You know, I do have a car,” Jaehyun said, adjusting his hood and licking the salt off his fingers. Johnny looked at him and made an “oh?” sound, and Jaehyun smirked lightly. “Yeah, it needed new parts so it’s been at my uncle’s garage for the past, like, three weeks or so.”

Johnny nodded and said “nice,” continuing to inhale his nuggets. “That’s a long time for parts, is your car good?” Jaehyun watched Johnny lick his own fingers and nodded.

“Yeah, they were just really specific parts, so it took a while to find and ship, you know.” Johnny nodded, and they bumped along to whatever song was playing. Jaehyun wasn’t sure who the artist was, but the song was good and set up the atmosphere. A car drove by and the headlights flooded the inside of the truck. 

Johnny made a noise and turned towards him. “I forgot to mention, there’s usually a party after every game. I don’t know if there’s gonna be one on Friday, but if there is, Mark’ll go and he’ll probably make me go too.”

Jaehyun huffed a small laugh and raised his eyebrows at Johnny’s less than enthusiastic explanation. “Why does he make you go?”

Johnny shrugged. “I mean, he doesn’t always make me,” he said with a smile, “but I used to go all the time when I was on the team so now whenever I’m around, Mark tells ‘em and they all want me there. And sometimes it’s nice to see people after a while, but like--” He paused and sipped his milkshake with a wry smile. “It’s a highschool house party.”

Jaehyun grinned at him before nodding around his straw. “I get it, isn’t it weird going back to those kinds of things? It feels like a different generation or something.” Johnny laughed and agreed.

“Yeah, usually when I go I feel like a babysitter or a moderator or whatever. I’m always like ‘no don’t touch that,’ or have to like cut people off,” he said, making a face that eventually morphed into a smile.

Jaehyun imagined Johnny towering over a bunch of highschoolers in Supreme sweatshirts, trying to hold the vodka out of their reach. He snorted. Johnny raised an eyebrow at him, making him laugh harder into his sleeve.

Johnny pouted as he ate one of his last nuggets. “Stop laughing at me,” he whined, though he was laughing himself. Their laughter eventually filled the whole space, making Jaehyun feel even warmer. 

He dipped more of his fries into his milkshake, a weird surrealness spreading through him. Jaehyun felt the sweat from his cold drink drip down his hand, and he wiped it on his jeans. Johnny was next to him in the dim light, drinking his milkshake and wearing his flannel and humming along to the bass. Neither of them was high anymore, but he felt the familiar feeling of being lighter than air wash over him. He almost felt like he was in a movie, like he was watching himself do things he wouldn’t normally do, go places he wouldn’t usually go. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Johnny turn slightly to look at him. His mind revved into action as his thought began circling through his head, picking up speed. He felt like the world was in slow motion as he tried to decide whether or not he should look back.

He did, meeting Johnny’s deliberate gaze and inhaling quietly, not sure whether to scoff or to cower. This kept happening, the eye contact. Jaehyun really didn’t know how to react, or if he should respond at all. It was almost frustrating, not knowing what Johnny’s serious gaze meant. Not only that, but not knowing why he couldn’t make himself look away.

Johnny’s eyes looked almost black under the overhead lights, and he bet if he looked long enough he could see his own reflection staring back. His gaze was searching, like he was looking for something in Jaehyun’s face, and Jaehyun bet he was an open book. 

Johnny turned his body ever so slightly to face Jaehyun, and his heart rate skyrocketed. He looked almost amused as he leaned further against his seat, as if watching Jaehyun’s life flash before his eyes was a game. His brain felt like it was underwater, and the sound of the blood rushing in his ears mixed with the heavy bass of the music, almost like the world itself was starting to shake. Jaehyun wasn’t sure how long they’d been staring and honestly didn’t want to know, but he had to break the tension before something irrational happened.

“If you do go to the party on Friday,” he started slowly, breaking their trance but holding Johnny’s gaze firmly. “Can I come?”

Johnny’s face didn’t change for a second and Jaehyun worried he’d crossed some invisible line. He quickly forgot that as he watched the corners of Johnny’s mouth curve up in a smile.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Of course.” Jaehyun let out a tiny breath and broke the eye contact to look down at his drink, the tension slowly bleeding away. 

He smiled, even as his heart continued to hammer in his chest. “Okay. Okay, cool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo the next chapter is gonna open at the game, and then they're gonna go to the party i think...lmk what you thought and if u have feedback, i'm always looking to improve my writing! 
> 
> also, regarding jaehyun's car...I'm thinking mitsubishi lancer evo 9... ;) thoughts?
> 
> thanks for reading! stay safe, vote, sign petitions, donate, don't give up!


	3. Chapter 3

Jaehyun did not speed. Speeding was expensive. However, he was pushing sixty in a forty-five and honestly couldn’t give a fuck. It felt so good to be back in his car after so long, his pride and joy, and he’d risk a ticket if it meant he could drive his car like it was meant to be driven.

He downshifted as he pulled around a corner, the familiar handling making his heart race. The car gripped the road like a magnet, and Jaehyun felt untouchable.

He'd taken the back way to Mark and Johnny’s highschool, Google maps on mute somewhere in his console. The game started at seven and he was probably going to be really early if he kept driving like this, though he didn’t mind. It was already dark out, and Jaehyun’s high beams flashed dramatically against the trees around the curving, narrow road. He could hear the sound of his engine over the bass of the radio. 

He drove into the surrounding suburbs, pristine even at night, before closing in on the school. A white electric billboard by the school’s driveway read “basketball game tonight 7:00,” and “go hawks!” in glowing orange letters. Jaehyun almost laughed at how nostalgic it was being back at a highschool, even if it wasn’t his own.

The campus was busy, and other cars were pulling in at the same time he was. He followed them up and around what he assumed were tennis courts on his left and maybe an indoor pool on his right? Wow, okay. 

The school was big and white, though recognizable as a highschool nonetheless, and he followed the line of cars around back to the multi-tiered parking lot. Johnny had texted him about details, saying he’d meet Jaehyun at the platform by the backdoor. Jaehyun could see said door from his parking space and took a deep breath.

 _This is it, I guess_. To be honest, his nerves had come the day before, and he’d been genuinely nervous. Nervous about being at someone else’s highschool and nervous about being around that many new people, especially the private school type. It wasn’t that this wasn’t his scene, as he was a self-proclaimed jock, but it had been a while and this was unexplored territory. 

Most of all, he’d been nervous about being with Johnny in Johnny’s scene. He had never seen Johnny around other people, and Jaehyun was hesitant about seeing the real Johnny in context. He knew he had money, he wasn’t blind, though up to that point it hadn’t seemed like a big part of Johnny’s character, something Jaehyun respected. He had been nervous he’d see parts of Johnny and be…Disillusioned?

But that was yesterday, and by the next morning, Jaehyun had realized it really didn’t matter to him. Whether there was a man behind the curtain or not, Johnny had grown on him, considerably. Now, he was just thrilled Johnny actually wanted to share part of his world with him.

He sent Johnny a quick text letting him know he was there and turned the engine off, the quiet weirdly sobering. Johnny sent him a thumbs-up and an emoticon, and Jaehyun got out of his car and started up towards the door. When he looked back up to the platform, Johnny was leaning against the white concrete wall looking at his phone. He took his time walking up the hill and just watched him. He was wearing an open, green button down over a black shirt tucked into some black jeans, and he contrasted starkly with the wall. He looked impossibly tall. 

Johnny looked up as he approached and waved, a big grin on his face. “‘Sup, man,” he said, slapping Jaehyun’s hand and pulling him in for a hug as Jaehyun greeted him back. He put his arm over Jaehyun’s shoulder and pulled him towards the doors. Jaehyun was almost as tall as him, but he felt dwarfed next to Johnny’s larger than life presence. 

“Man, I’m so excited,” Johnny said when they were inside. The atmosphere was unmistakable, with squeaky linoleum floors and trophy cases and numbered classroom doors. Jaehyun practically gawked at how familiar it seemed, even though he’d never been there. “I haven’t been to a game since the beginning of the season,” Johnny continued.

Jaehyun nodded, and they swerved around some crowds of people. The hallways were already pretty packed, with adults, a lot of teenagers, and even some kids. The scene reminded Jaehyun of going to cousins’ games when he was younger, though he hadn’t been in years. A lot of people were wearing what he assumed were the school colors, dark green and white.

He made eye contact with Johnny who was watching him look around, a hint of a smirk on his face. “What,” he asked, looking away when he realized how close Johnny’s face was.

He did that little laugh he did and shrugged, Jaehyun still under his arm. “Nothing, I just can’t tell if you’re, like, intimidated or really excited.”

Jaehyun laughed and elbowed him lightly. “I’m not intimidated, it’s just, like. This school is fucking huge.” Johnny smiled at him and he continued. “Honestly, I haven’t been in a highschool since I graduated, so it’s been a while. It’s kind of weird, but like, good weird?”

Johnny nodded as they approached what he assumed was the line for tickets. The crowds were getting thicker, and Jaehyun could see the edges of the bleachers through the gymnasium door. “Damn, your school really turns out, I feel like I’m in Highschool Musical.” 

Johnny laughed and his eyes crinkled up. “Yeah, we’re big on sports here.” Jaehyun could feel Johnny’s heat through his sweatshirt. “Welcome to East High, Gabriella,” he added, and Jaehyun elbowed him harder, laughing. Johnny hunched over dramatically, lifting the arm on Jaehyun’s shoulder to clutch at his side, face scrunched up. “Gabriella, how could you!”

Jaehyun shoved him, and they both snickered quietly. “Fuck you, I wanna be Troy.”

Johnny rolled his eyes, standing straighter and running his hand through his hair like a fucking model. He looked Jaehyun straight on, the corner of his lips turned up, and Jaehyun fidgeted under the intensity of his gaze as he stared back defiantly. “I’d make a better Gabriella anyways.”

The brief tension cracked and Johnny’s serious look crumbled as he giggled. Jaehyun scoffed, forcing himself back into the moment, and bumped Johnny with his shoulder. “You’re a fucking nerd.”

They chatted playfully as they slowly moved forward in the line. Jaehyun could hear the crowd inside the gym getting louder, along with the sounds of basketballs on the gym floor echoing down the hallways. Someone called Johnny’s name and they both turned as a few highschool aged boys made their way over. Johnny yelled back in greeting and gave them all crushing hugs. 

“Dude, how’ve you been?” one of the kids asked. Jaehyun wasn’t sure why he thought of them as kids, they were probably around seventeen. 

Johnny responded, answering their rapid-fire questions, and Jaehyun watched him with a smile as he patted one of their heads like a dad. “This is my friend Jaehyun, he goes to college in the area,” Johnny said, putting a hand on his shoulder and backing up to let him into the group. 

Johnny introduced them one by one, and Jaehyun nodded to each as he grabbed their hands in greeting. Their badly concealed starstruck looks were amusing, and he guessed they didn’t meet college kids very often. “I played soccer with these guys when they were freshman,” Johnny said, ruffling a kid named Colton’s hair. 

They talked for a few minutes until he and Johnny were almost at the ticket table, and the group of highschoolers left to get drinks. Johnny turned to Jaehyun with an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” he said, “that might happen a lot.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Dude, it’s fine. It’s kind of cute, they’re like little mini Johnnys. I can tell you were popular,” he added, wiggling his eyebrows at him. Johnny laughed, looking at his feet and shrugging. Shy.

“Sure, if you think soccer bros that dress like hype beasts are cute.” Jaehyun snorted, and soon they were at the table. Johnny looked over at him and held his orange ticket in between two fingers when they'd paid, grinning. 

“Hey, you want to get drinks or food first? We have some time before they start warming up, even,” Johnny asked, gesturing to where people were lining up further down the hall. Jaehyun nodded and they made their way over to the other line.

A group of girls grouped around a water fountain went quiet as they walked by, muttering to one another as they blatantly stared. Jaehyun thought he heard one of them say “Jesus Christ,” and he raised his eyebrows slightly and glanced at Johnny who looked back, smirking. He guessed they did make quite a pair. In the line, Johnny greeted a few more people, introducing Jaehyun as well. Making their way back towards the gym, they passed the same group of girls who miraculously hadn’t moved. He accidentally made eye contact with one and she waved boldly, leaning on her friend and giving him a flirty smile.

Jaehyun laughed internally, though externally he just smiled back, giving her a very small wave. They didn’t even look eighteen. When he’d passed by, he looked over at Johnny again, his eyebrows raised high. “Wow,” he said, and Johnny chuckled lightly.

“Not used to people flirting with you? You should be,” he said in a low voice, and Jaehyun blinked at him before realizing what he meant, his stomach dropping dramatically. 

He opened and closed his mouth lamely before schooling his expression to give Johnny an ambiguous look, saying, “So you think I’m hot?” It was beginning to feel like a game, and Jaehyun did not like losing. Johnny didn’t say anything for a second, but the corners of his lips turned up, as usual. 

“Dude. Have you seen yourself?” he said, and Jaehyun watched him look him up and down. He could cry. “You’re wearing a hoodie and still look like you could be on Men’s Health.” 

_You’ve got to be kidding me_ , he thought, and looked anywhere but at Johnny which meant staring wide-eyed at the floor as they approached the door. Johnny laughed at him, pushing him forward with both hands on his shoulders. They showed their tickets to the guy at the door and Johnny walked with him inside, hands still on him. 

The gym was big, and the bleachers were almost packed. It was loud and colorful, and Jaehyun squinted against the harsh overhead lights. He smiled at the familiar adrenaline that came with school spirit. There were so many people, more than Jaehyun had ever seen at a varsity basketball game. Johnny squeezed his shoulders and pressed close behind Jaehyun, the feeling bringing his attention back to his immediate surroundings.

“Wanna sit up there?” Johnny asked, his voice clear and very close, and Jaehyun could feel his breath on his ear.

Jaehyun’s gaze followed Johnny’s arm as it pointed to a more empty section of the bleachers on their left. Jaehyun nodded silently and Johnny guided him towards it, his hands back on Jaehyun’s shoulders. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t grounding. 

On their way up, Johnny greeted another handful of people with a big grin, slapping backs and bumping fists. He seemed to know a lot of people, and Jaehyun imagined it was really nice to see old friends again. He liked this Johnny.

Music started playing when they'd settled, and they watched as both teams filed around the bleachers from out of the locker rooms. The visiting team was in maroon while their team was in green, and they passed some basketballs around and started warming up. The crowd stayed loud and Jaehyun could hear whistles and shouts from the crowd as people made baskets. Johnny bounced up and down, pointing. “Look, look, there’s Mark!” There indeed was Mark, dribbling as he got ready to shoot from the free-throw line. 

He shouted Mark's name dramatically and Jaehyun cackled, along with some others around them. Mark whipped around and grinned when he found them in the crowd, giving them a shy salute. Johnny pumped his fist in the air excitedly. 

“Embarrassing him is my job,” he said, leaning into Jaehyun’s side as he unscrewed the cap on the Gatorade he'd bought. They watched both teams warm up, the speakers in the gym blasting along with the noise from the still growing crowd.

Johnny pointed with the hand not holding a bag of Skittles. “That’s Donghyuck, he’s Mark’s best friend. Well…Yeah,” he said, pointing to one of the players, number seventeen. He was about the same height and build as Mark, though he was tanner and his hair was dyed a medium brown. 

Jaehyun gave Johnny a curious look. “You don’t sound too convinced.”

Johnny shrugged, like it wasn’t the first time he’d heard that. “We grew up with their family, so we’re all really close. But like, half the time he and Donghyuck are attached at the hip and the other half they’re getting into physical fights.”

Jaehyun raised his eyebrows, but he nodded and didn’t press. “Ah, okay.” Johnny poured some Skittles into Jaehyun’s hand.

The game started right at seven, and Jaehyun felt like he was back in highschool all over again. Sneakers squeaked on the lacquer and players shouted at each other as they sprinted up and down the court. Someone from their team made the first basket, and their side of the bleachers cheered. Jaehyun could see what was probably half the highschool’s student body rise to their feet.

Beside him, Johnny clapped and gave Jaehyun a blinding grin. He felt like he could bask in Johnny’s glow--he looked so comfortable, elbows on his knees as he watched the game, a little smile permanently gracing his lips. Pretty soon, the buzzer sounded and the first quarter was over with them up by seven points. Johnny leaned back and stretched, holding out what was left of the Skittles to Jaehyun who took them readily. 

“Mark’s really good,” Jaehyun said, hand in the bag. “Donghyuck, too. You guys have a good team.” Johnny nodded, eyes traveling around the gym.

Johnny told him about the new coach they’d gotten recently, some young guy from the South. Jaehyun asked if he’d had the coach when he was on the team, and he replied that the coach came during his senior year, when he was team captain. Jaehyun grinned at him because of course he was team captain.

“That’s so cool. Dude, your life is like a teenage movie.”

Johnny laughed at him, looking shy again, and Jaehyun lifted a hand to ruffle his hair slightly. The other’s laugh turned into a satisfied hum, and he leaned in and rubbed his head into Jaehyun's hand like a cat before reaching up and wrapping an arm around his neck, pulling him in to tussle his hair. Jaehyun yelped, trying halfheartedly to struggle out of his grip, though he thought it was funny.

He let go, running his fingers through Jaehyun’s bangs quickly to straighten them before doing the same for himself with a smug look. Jaehyun could feel where Johnny’s fingers had lightly grazed his scalp.

The second quarter started, and the gym was quieter as people watched the other team gaining points. A sturdy looking guy in maroon landed a three-pointer, the other side of the bleachers erupting in cheers. The visiting team did eventually surpass them, though not by much, and the scores didn’t budge much as the minutes ticked down. Jaehyun’s eyes were trained on their team, occasionally looking over to their team’s coach whose expression was neutral.

A couple of people yelled “defense!” and at one point their team was awarded a foul shot. He had missed the competitiveness of school sports, and he could feel his own adrenaline spiking whenever their team made their way towards the hoop. Johnny did a little jump when Mark was thrown the ball, and Jaehyun gave him a quick smile--his supportive brother mode was cute. Johnny leaned into him excitedly, his hands balled into fists on his knees. “Yes, Mark, go for--Oh shit, go for a two,” he whispered heatedly next to him. 

Mark faked and got closer to the hoop, trying for the shot. He missed the first time and Jaehyun grabbed Johnny’s thigh firmly as he tried again. He almost pulled his hand away when he realized, but Johnny gave his hand the briefest glance before giving him an easy smile. 

Mark made the shot and their side celebrated, Johnny yelling out, “Yeah, that’s my little bro!” and earning him an embarrassed glare from Mark. Jaehyun snickered and Johnny leaned his hands behind him on the bench, clearly pleased with himself.

Their team caught up by the third and fourth quarters and pretty soon they had won, seventy-one to fifty-eight. The whole gym had exploded into cheers when someone on their team, last name Na, made a basket right as the buzzer sounded. 

Johnny beamed at Jaehyun, both of them on their feet, practically vibrating as he clapped his hand on his shoulder. Jaehyun watched the players celebrate, everything a big jumble of yelling and loudspeakers, and the teams lined up and shook hands before dispersing. Johnny tugged Jaehyun’s sleeve, motioning down the bleachers. “I’m gonna go say hi to Mark and some others, you wanna come?” 

Jaehyun hummed and nodded, following him down the stairs and across the gym. Mark was surrounded by his teammates, Donghyuck hanging off of him as he gave hugs all around. His eyes lit up when he saw Johnny and Jaehyun approaching, and he strode over, giving his brother a big hug.

“Dude, thank you guys for, like, coming,” he said before enveloping Jaehyun in a big hug as well. Jaehyun made a noise as Mark tightened his hold, but he hugged back, laughing.

“Of course, you guys were really good.” Mark let go, an embarrassed look on his face, and Jaehyun squeezed his shoulder. The guy was adorable. 

Next to them, Donghyuck practically threw himself at Johnny. Swinging off of him, he said something that resembled “Johnny! I missed your fat ass, where’ve you been?” Jaehyun laughed at that, and Johnny smacked him as other players grouped around to greet Johnny as well. Jaehyun watched him congratulate everyone, exchanging high fives and daps with each one. At some point, Johnny looked around before finding Jaehyun, reaching a hand out for him to come closer. 

He did, and Johnny put his hand on his shoulder, introducing him to a few guys in jerseys. Jaehyun gave them all a wave, taking note of the guy who scored the last two points, Jaemin Na, and the team captain, a blond guy named Caleb. Jaehyun was actually surprised at how readily Johnny wanted him to meet his friends, and it made his chest feel light.

People were starting to disperse, back out into the hallway and back into the locker rooms. Johnny said goodbye to a few people as Jaehyun congratulated Mark on the points he’d scored. Johnny came back over just as another player approached them.

“Aye, Johnny, you coming tonight?” Jaehyun had almost forgotten about the party later, but Johnny rolled his eyes with a smile, nodding.

“Yeah, man, I’ll be there. Charlie’s place, right?” The other nodded, giving Johnny a thumbs-up before jogging off in the other direction. Johnny turned back to Jaehyun, a questioning but playful look in his eyes. “You still up for going?”

Jaehyun smiled, remembering their conversation in the McDonald’s parking lot. Well, admittedly it wasn’t much of a conversation. “Yeah, I’m still down,” he said, “I mean, who’d say no to free alc?” Johnny laughed and Mark giggled, phone in hand as he picked his stuff up off the bench. 

“I gotta go shower and debrief and all, I’ll see you guys there later?” Mark asked, looking at Johnny. They nodded and Mark disappeared around the bleachers with a wave.

Johnny led him through the doors and they slowly meandered down the hallway towards the exit, not rushed. Jaehyun’s hands were in his pockets and he could feel the adrenaline wear off as things got quieter and the crowds thinned. He felt his mind slow and he relaxed his shoulders. Looking at his watch, he saw it was around 9:15. 

He felt eyes on him and looked over, meeting Johnny’s gaze. Johnny smiled at him warmly, leaning in to bump Jaehyun with his shoulder. “D’you have fun?” he asked, putting his own hands in his pockets. “Sorry about meeting all those people, that was probably a lot.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “No, no, it was fine. Your friends are really nice, I had fun. Plus the game was really good, I’m glad I came. Thanks for inviting me, I mean,” he added.

Johnny’s smile widened and he bumped Jaehyun’s shoulder a second time in response. They fell into a comfortable silence as they walked outside onto the platform, a few people in front of and behind them. It was colder than when he’d arrived, a refreshing shift from the sweaty gym, though the wind made him shiver as it blew through his hair and seeped into his clothes. 

Jaehyun felt Johnny’s arm brush his and heat spread from his elbow to his chest. He wondered if Johnny could feel the warmth through his sleeve.

“Where’d you park,” Jaehyun asked, and Johnny pointed his chin to the far-right lot as they walked closer. Johnny’s hair and shirt rippled with the breeze and Jaehyun nodded, looking away and spotting Johnny’s truck in the distance.

“How ‘bout you,” Johnny asked, and Jaehyun pointed to where his car was parked close by, glinting graphite grey under a street light.

“Right there, the Mitsubishi.” Johnny squinted before his eyes widened. He steered closer, looking back at Jaehyun with an excited expression.

“Dude! Is this an Evo?” he asked, trotting over to peer around at the car. Jaehyun grinned and stopped next to the car as Johnny bounced up and down slightly, circling around it.

“Yeah, gen IX.” Johnny swore, coming over and draping himself over Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“Fuck, you’ve been holding out on me! Where the hell’d you get one of these, is this an SE?”

Jaehyun nodded, pulling his keys out and unlocking the car, the headlights flashing. “My uncle has a garage and heard it was going to a car yard, it was totaled. So he, like, gave it to me? For my sixteenth birthday,” Jaehyun explained, Johnny still leaning on his shoulders. “We worked on it together as, like, a project. Finished it around my senior year.”

Jaehyun remembered the exact day and moment his uncle had asked him if he wanted to work with him on a special project. Jaehyun had been ecstatic, even before finding out what car it was and that it would be his.

Johnny hummed, lifting himself off of Jaehyun. “That’s so cool, that’s like. Wow.” Jaehyun ducked his head. It really wasn’t that big a deal, Evos were relatively popular and this was an older model. Johnny still looked impressed, like Jaehyun had magically pulled a McLaren out of his ass. 

“Um, anyways, what time should we be at the thing?”

Johnny looked at his watch, shrugging. “It doesn’t really matter, people will pull up from now till eleven, even. We can head over whenever, the house is actually in my neighborhood.”

Jaehyun nodded, and Johnny suddenly clapped his hands together with a grin. “Dude, we could totally go to McDicks, I’m actually really hungry.” Jaehyun laughed, McDick’s was a new one. 

“Yeah, sure.” Food before drinking sounded good. “I’ll follow you? I have no idea where one is,” he said with a smile. 

Johnny gave him a wink and a salute, walking backwards towards his truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayy let me know what u think, feedback is appreciated! 
> 
> I also just wanted to point out that this is gonna be a longish fic and kind of episodial. so like each chapter is a few specific outings, tons of tension and stuff hah. but things will progress eventually, with plot and conflicts and side stories. so don't worry, i've got a plan :) 
> 
> i tried and will keep trying to make these excursion-based segments not too boring to read (i don't know what else to call them sorry!), but sorry if they're a little too much, i just really like basketball and cars ok :( 
> 
> (also, i know the sports they play aren’t the ones they play in rl, i kinda forgot and now it’s too late to change them haha)
> 
> thanks for reading! stay safe <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, two chapters in one day! i kinda went ham and wrote like 10k in a day, sorry if the double post is confusing
> 
> i'm missing college so here's a party, enjoy :)

Charlie’s house was huge, not that Jaehyun was surprised. After stopping at McDonald’s, Johnny had practically dove into Jaehyun’s car to look around. They had eaten their fries together, Johnny in the passenger seat as he insisted Jaehyun tell him what was under the hood.

Walking up to the house, Jaehyun could see cars lined up everywhere there was space, though surprisingly not on the grass. Jaehyun wondered if that was at the parent’s request in exchange for them letting their eighteen-year-old throw ragers every month. Johnny had suggested they park at his house, which made sense as Jaehyun wasn’t in the mood to get blocked in by a teenager with a fully paid-off BMW. The walk was surprisingly only about four minutes.

Jaehyun felt nerves setting in as they approached the door, and he could hear music blasting from inside along with the hum of lots of people. Jaehyun felt the familiar weight of the cigarette pack he’d shoved in his pocket before heading over. He would probably need one later. 

They reached the door, and Johnny just pushed it open, stepping inside and looking back to make sure Jaehyun was still behind him. Jaehyun gave him a reassuring smile, which Johnny reciprocated, closing the door behind them. “Holy shit,” Jaehyun breathed. 

The whole house was bathed in purple light, though still dark. Jaehyun had spent time in some frat houses, and this looked and even smelled just like one, despite it being a multi-story family home. Light machines cast moving shapes onto every surface, and people filled every room, red solo cups in hand. The ceilings were high, and he could see smoke hanging over the crowds, drifting upwards. 

Jaehyun was brought out of his trance when Johnny slid his hand into his own, pulling him gently through the crowd. A few people actually yelled “Johnny!” over the loud music as he pushed his way through, to which he waved, giving people upwards nods. 

Jaehyun found himself in a kitchen, where the large center island was piled high with various sized bottles and a big cooler. Johnny turned to him, looming large in Jaehyun’s vision. He must have noticed Jaehyun’s lost look, because he guided him around the island to where it was less crowded. 

“You okay?” he asked, his eyebrows pushed together and the corners of his lips turned down for once.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Jaehyun replied, smiling up at where Johnny was crowded in close to hear him over the music. “This is just insane, there are so many people. Is the whole gym here?” he said with a laugh.

Johnny grinned back, the purple light washing over his face and clothes. “Probably.” He moved around Jaehyun to the island, grabbing a cup and pouring a drink from the cooler. “This is basically jungle juice,” he said, handing Jaehyun the cup filled with pink liquid. He smelled it and it smelled like…Jungle juice.

Johnny poured himself a cup, leaning against the counter and taking a long sip before looking at Jaehyun with a slight grimace. Jaehyun snorted, taking a sip himself. It wasn’t awful, if you like three flavors of vodka mixed together with kool-aid. He grimaced back at Johnny who let out a laugh. 

A figure appeared next to them, putting a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Johnny, my guy, I’m so glad you could make it!” The guy swayed slightly, leaning on Johnny who was a good head taller than him.

“Hey, Charlie!” Johnny said with a chuckle. “Thanks for throwing, man, this one’s pretty packed, yeah?”

Charlie laughed, still using Johnny to hold himself up, a Bud Light can in his other hand. _So this is Charlie_ , Jaehyun thought with a smirk. Even as a highschooler he looked like the textbook definition of a frat boy, with his backwards baseball cap and chino shorts.

“Bro, there’s like hella alc so help yourself--oh, hey!” he said, noticing Jaehyun and reaching out a hand with a lopsided grin. Jaehyun shook it, trying not to laugh.

“I’m Charlie, welcome to my crib,” he said, sipping his beer and sounding straight out of a shitty reality TV show. “Make yourself at home, only rules are don’t park on the lawn and don’t fuck in the house, that’s nasty.” Jaehyun nodded, making eye contact with Johnny who was smirking at him, solo cup raised to his lips.

“Bathrooms are any unlocked doors, through there and upstairs, man,” he continued, pointing and slurring a little, before spotting someone else and slipping away with a wave. Jaehyun looked back at Johnny who was still smirking. 

Jaehyun held his gaze, sipping on his drink, before they both started laughing. Johnny put a hand over his mouth, trying not to spit out his drink. “Well, he seems nice,” Jaehyun said, eyes wandering around the kitchen. People milled in and out, talking loudly and dancing. Jaehyun couldn’t recognize the song playing, but it could have been 6ix9ine. 

Johnny nodded, taking another sip. “Yeah, he’s a trip.” A girl bumped into him from behind, letting out a loud “sorry!” before running off. 

Jaehyun shuffled closer. “This is, like…Basically a frat, do you guys really do this all the time?” he asked, still looking around incredulously.

Johnny downed the rest of his drink, nodding. “Yeah. After almost every big game. It’s not usually this packed though, to be honest.” Jaehyun nodded, though he was distracted by Johnny’s tongue on his lips. How did he finish his drink that fast? Jaehyun looked down at his own cup before looking back up at Johnny who was, as usual, smiling at him.

“If you chug the first one, the others are easier,” he said simply, before pouring himself a second. Jaehyun groaned because this stuff was definitely not beer, but he tipped his head back, swallowing the whole cup. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, Jaehyun made a face.

When he looked up again, Johnny was watching him with an unreadable expression, his heart-shaped mouth set in a line. Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, his throat burning slightly, and Johnny reached for his cup.

\---

Jaehyun switched his beer from one hand to another, two cups of jungle juice having been enough for him. He was definitely drunk, not tipsy, but he could still walk in a semi-straight line and hold a conversation well, so he was happy. 

Mark had shown up about half an hour before, Donghyuck and a few others from the basketball team in tow. He and Johnny had run into him in one of the living rooms, and Donghyuck had given Johnny another crushing hug before saying, “Oh, you brought your hot friend.” Johnny had laughed while Mark had made a face into his cup. Jaehyun almost choked on his drink.

Donghyuck pulled them all into the next room, probably the biggest in the house, where the DJ table was set up and people packed the space, dancing. _The heart of the party_ , Jaehyun thought, vision swimming slightly as he followed Johnny’s broad back into the middle of the crowd. Megan Thee Stallion was playing and Jaehyun could see some girls climbing on top of a table to dance. The room smelled like beer, and it was oddly comforting.

Johnny turned his head around, grinning at him when they reached the middle. Jaehyun couldn’t see Mark anymore, but he caught a glimpse of Donghyuck busting down on some girls who were laughing and cheering him on. This was definitely Donghyuck’s scene.

Johnny nudged him with the hand holding his beer, moving back and forth with the music. “Relax, Jae, dance with me,” he yelled over the music. Jaehyun could tell his face was flushed, even under the dancing lights. He grinned back, feeling loose from the alcohol. 

They moved with each other, boxed in by the crowd, though never moving too far into the other’s space. Johnny didn’t let it become awkward, sticking his tongue out at him when Jaehyun started overthinking things and got tense. 

Even when he wasn’t looking, he could feel Johnny’s eyes on him, staring. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if he was glad or disappointed he wasn’t closer, though he was definitely sure he was too inebriated to be thinking about that right now. 

Mark suddenly appeared, a few guys with him, and he seemed drunker than before, giggling as he and Johnny danced like idiots to old Nicki Minaj, eventually pulling Jaehyun into their huddle. He relaxed into the feeling of being drunk, the relentless bass making letting go of his surroundings easier. Some girls joined their group as well, loud and glittery as they laughed at all the funny dance moves. Everyone cheered as one of them grabbed Mark who sputtered as she practically glued herself to his front. Jaehyun cackled, leaning on Johnny who rolled his eyes at Mark’s reaction.

However long later, Jaehyun was out of beer. He signaled to Johnny that he was going for another one and he nodded. It actually took longer than expected to find the kitchen again, even though he’d been in and out of it more than once that night. When he found it, he was surprised to see it empty, and he grabbed a beer out of the fridge before leaning back against the counter, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t that much quieter, but the lights weren’t as harsh and he wasn’t surrounded by bodies. 

He blinked a few times to clear the colorful spots from his vision, his whole body tingling even when he stood still. He was having fun, not that he hadn’t expected to. The alcohol made his head and chest warm, and Johnny was there and wouldn’t stop grinning. Jaehyun hadn’t had many expectations for a house party thrown by rich kids, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying whatever this was. 

He was about to open his beer when a girl stuck her head into the kitchen. Seeing Jaehyun, she smiled and made her way inside, grabbing a cup. Jaehyun recognized her as one of the girls from their group in the other room.

“Cooling down?” she asked, her voice carrying stably across the kitchen. Jaehyun sighed, nodding around his beer. “It’s really hot in there, right?”

Jaehyun realized she was still talking to him, and he nodded again. She searched through some bottles before finding ones she wanted, pouring herself a rather elaborate cocktail before walking over to stand next to Jaehyun against the counter. Up close, he could see the glitter on her cheekbones and eyelids. She was very pretty.

“I’ve never seen you around, do you live around here?” she asked, her glossy lips smiling around the solo cup. Jaehyun looked back up to meet her eyes.

“Um, I go to college in the area, I didn’t go to the highschool. I’m here with a friend,” he added, and the girl nodded.

“That’s cool,” she said, before continuing. “I’m Romina.”

Jaehyun nodded, his head spinning pleasantly. “I’m Jaehyun.”

Romina’s smile looked alarmingly similar to someone’s he couldn’t name, and she tucked her dark hair behind an ear, holding their eye contact confidently. “Nice to meet you, Jaehyun. I have to say, you’re very handsome.” 

Jaehyun blinked at her before inhaling slightly with a small smile. Was this a good idea? It wasn’t exactly a bad one. There was something about her that drunk Jaehyun liked. “Thank you. You’re very beautiful,” he said, pitching his voice lower. “I like your glitter.”

She laughed and her mouth curved up attractively. “Aww, thank you. Tell me about yourself, Jaehyun,” she asked after a second, and Jaehyun watched her turn further to face him.

“Um, what would you like to know?” Jaehyun’s head was still swimming, and he was trying hard to figure out what he was going to do after answering her questions.

“Favorite color?” Jaehyun thought for a moment before answering.

“Orange, you?” She smiled before answering “red.” She stepped closer, and Jaehyun could make out the separation between each of her eyelashes.

“Hmm, favorite animal?” Jaehyun pretended to think, poking his tongue into his cheek.

“Cats,” he said, and Romina cooed. She was very close, and Jaehyun was starting to think about how this would work out. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood for this, and his thoughts drifted back to Johnny waiting for him a few rooms away.

“Um, I hate to do this, but…” He gave her an apologetic look and she leaned back, shaking her head. Jaehyun exhaled.

“No worries, just thought I’d give it a try.” She smiled at him, tilting her head towards the door. “Wanna head back?” Jaehyun smiled back, nodding.

She led him through the crowd, laughing about something Jaehyun hadn’t heard. He felt like every time he tried to find his way around, a new room appeared, but they eventually found their group, Johnny’s head being one of the taller ones in the crowd. Donghyuck had joined them, and he waved at him with a blinding smile. 

“Hi Johnny’s friend,” he drawled, and Mark elbowed him from where he was standing at his side.

Johnny turned, yelling “Jae!” and smiling when he saw him. His eyebrows raised when he saw Romina with him, lips quirking slightly. Jaehyun noticed, shaking his head no, and Johnny put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer into their ever-growing amoeba. 

The song changed and everyone cheered, though Jaehyun didn’t recognize the song, something he noticed kept happening. Some of the girls had left, with new ones joining their group. The girl from earlier was still glued to Mark’s side, with Donghyuck on his other side.

Mark said something to him Jaehyun couldn’t hear, but Donghyuck whined, putting his head on Mark’s shoulder and swaying with the music. Jaehyun heard him say “Markie, why not--” before his voice was drowned by the music. 

Jaehyun was distracted by how quickly Mark’s face turned from nervous happy to annoyed, and he pushed Donghyuck’s head away harshly. He could see the other hiss in pain before giving Mark a disgusted look and walking away. Mark looked like he wanted to turn and say something, his expression going from annoyed to apprehensive, but he shut his mouth and turned back to the girl at his side.

 _I see what Johnny meant_ , he thought, picking up on the subtle tension that had fallen over the group. It passed quickly as Charlie himself stumbled over, yelling something about how happy he was that everyone was there, and Johnny grabbed him before he stumbled into the floor.

“Let’s go get you some water, buddy,” Johnny said, grabbing him around his ribs and supporting him as they walked in the direction of the kitchen. Jaehyun watched him, choosing to ignore any feelings in his chest that weren’t substance-based.

\---

Jaehyun finally found the bathroom with the shortest line, one of the upstairs ones. The upstairs was carpeted and significantly quieter and cooler, and Jaehyun breathed the cleaner air greedily. He was definitely drunker than before and was decidedly done for the night.

The person in front of him went in, and Jaehyun leaned against the adjacent wall, wiggling his fingers in his hoodie pockets. The bathroom door in front of him warped and he watched it bend and twist. 

He heard someone come up the stairs around the corner, followed by someone else and a yell that sounded suspiciously like Donghyuck. He perked up, his head clearing for a little as he listened. Someone else said something in an angry tone that sounded like “wait,” and Jaehyun suddenly felt like he was intruding.

No one rounded the corner, but he could clearly hear what they were saying. “Why are you mad, you’re being ridiculous!” That was Mark. 

“Why am I mad? Are you fucking stupid?” Donghyuck.

Mark said something he couldn’t hear, and Donghyuck laughed, the sound high and sarcastic. “Well, fuck. You get mad when I flirt with you and you get mad when I flirt with other guys. You don’t care if I grind on some girl, though.” The pieces started fitting together in Jaehyun’s head.

“I’m not gonna wait for you to stop being a dick. I’m not your bitch, Mark, fuck you!”

“Hyuck, stop. Hyuck, I can’t--I can’t do this right now--”

Jaehyun pressed himself further into the wall, studying his fingernails. He heard someone go back down the stairs, the footsteps fading before a second set followed suit. _Well, shit_ , he thought, and he suddenly felt significantly less drunk.

The sound of a toilet flushing brought him back, and he eventually took his turn before trying really hard to focus his eyes while washing his hands and heading back downstairs. Everything was loud again, but he had gotten his break and felt acceptably refreshed. He sort of wanted to find Johnny, and he kept getting distracted by tall people with dark hair. Johnny was really the only person here he knew.

He passed the kitchen, doing a double take when he realized it was empty again. _Today must be my lucky day_ , he said to himself, redirecting himself inside and grabbing a cup, filling it with water at the sink. He sipped at it, surveying the damage done to the island supply. Almost every bottle was open, and most of them were at least half empty. Damn.

He jumped when someone pressed against his side, turning quickly in hopes of it being Johnny. His eyes widened when he was met with Donghyuck’s tan face inches from his.

“Hey, Johnny’s hot friend,” he drawled, clearly drunk. Jaehyun pursed his lips, taking in the guy in front of him. Up close, he could see how flawless his skin was, literally no blemishes except for maybe a scar or two and a few freckles scattered around his cheeks. He was wearing subtle makeup around his eyes, and it looked really nice on him. Jaehyun wasn’t sure why he was noticing all these things.

“Hi, Donghyuck,” he said carefully. He felt like something serious was about to happen, like he was going to have to defuse a bomb. “Ah, I have a name, too. Jaehyun,” he added.

Donghyuck tilted his head upwards to look at him with hooded eyes. “I know.” Jaehyun was really speechless.

“Do you need something? You look like you could, uh, use some water.”

Donghyuck just blinked at him and Jaehyun was starting to sweat. “You’re really hot, you know,” Donghyuck said with his hands in his back pockets, maneuvering slightly so Jaehyun was pressed against the counter. Jaehyun figured he knew what was going on.

“Thank you, but, I really don’t think y--” He was interrupted by Donghyuck pressing closer, the front of his shirt grazing Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun leaned back an inch, putting his hands on the counter edge. He smelled like green apple vodka. 

“What, not up for some fun? Is it ‘cause I’m a guy?” Donghyuck asked, a hint of resentment in his voice. He tilted his head in so his breath landed on Jaehyun’s ear. “You look like you could experiment.”

Jaehyun’s pulse was racing at Donghyuck’s closeness, and he tilted his head back as his head spun. “No, that’s not it,” he said calmly, “Donghyuck, I really--” He was interrupted by the other’s hand on his chest.

“Yeah? Call me Hyuck,” he said, and Jaehyun had had enough.

He gently held Donghyuck’s wrist, lifting it off his chest and using his other hand to push on his shoulder, putting some space in between them. Donghyuck looked almost bitter, though even in Jaehyun’s buzzed state he could tell he hadn’t expected otherwise. “Donghyuck,” he said again. “I-I don’t think you actually want this.”

Donghyuck just stared back, his expression bleak. “Yeah? What makes you say that?” His voice slurred slightly but was otherwise flat.

“I don’t think--I don’t think _I’m_ the one you want right now,” he said softly, and Donghyuck’s eyes widened a fraction. “And, honestly, I’m not really up for being a…Surrogate for something you need to, um, figure out.”

Donghyuck looked at him with wide eyes, and for a moment Jaehyun was worried he was going to cry. He let out a breathy laugh, averting his gaze with a sigh and stepping back. “Um, okay,” he said, and Jaehyun watched him back up further, looking a bit like he was going to throw up. “Thanks, I guess?”

He turned and walked out of the kitchen before Jaehyun could respond. Jaehyun leaned back against the counter, pushing his bangs off his sweaty forehead and taking a drink from his forgotten water. That had been something he hadn’t expected. He took another sip of his water. 

_So maybe this kitchen isn’t so lucky after all_ , he thought. _It’s time for a cigarette._

\---

The back patio by the pool was pretty packed, so Jaehyun wandered around until he found a quiet spot further into the yard, under a massive oak tree. He was halfway through his cigarette and was sobering fast, the nicotine hitting reset and letting him level out into a comfortable, floating state.

He watched people take their shoes off and splash their feet in the pool. The outside scene was more chill than the inside one, and Jaehyun could feel his eyes getting heavy. It was nearing 1:00 AM.

Donghyuck’s expression kept resurfacing in his mind, the dead look in his eyes when Jaehyun pushed him away, and the almost scared one when Jaehyun told him why. He wondered how long the younger had had feelings for Mark. He wondered if Mark knew. _He has to know, he’s not an idiot. Does he just not care? Is he angry ‘cause he doesn’t like men?_

Mark didn’t seem like the kind of person to be homophobic, though he also didn’t seem like the type to get angry at all. Jaehyun tapped the ash from his cig onto the grass, watching it get picked up by the wind. It was still pretty cold, though not cold enough to warrant going back into the fray.

He looked up and jumped when he saw Johnny striding towards him, his hands in his pockets as he shivered slightly. “Sorry,” he said with a smile, “didn’t mean to scare you.”

Jaehyun smiled at him, shifting over slightly to make more room for leaning against the tree. Johnny pressed close, and they just stood together, taking in the scene of the backside of the house, people laughing and streaming in and out like a current. Jaehyun took a drag of his cigarette, watching the end glow in the darkness. He held it in his lungs for longer than usual before breathing out the thick cloud. He wordlessly offered the stick to Johnny, looking up at him in question. 

Johnny contemplated the offer for a second before taking it gently and bringing it to his mouth. Jaehyun watched him inhale slowly, lowering his hand to study the cigarette before exhaling the smoke. He felt a shiver run down his spine.

“I saw you and Donghyuck in the kitchen earlier,” Johnny said, passing the cig back to Jaehyun. He stiffened, not realizing there had been anyone else there. Johnny noticed him tense and leaned closer. “You okay?” he asked quietly, his voice deep and gentle. “I didn’t hear what either of you said, but you both seemed upset.”

Jaehyun nodded, head bowed slightly. He focused on his shoelaces so his mind wouldn’t wander. 

“Yeah, it was fine, I just…” He paused, tilting his head back to rest against the tree. The sky was beautiful from this angle, and he could make out some stars. “I heard him and Mark fighting upstairs.” Johnny hummed, nodding but not saying anything else. “And then he came up to me in the kitchen after and…Yeah.” 

Johnny was looking at him, that unreadable look in his eyes. “Did he do anything you weren’t, like, comfortable with? I know he can be a lot sometimes.”

“No, no, I wasn’t uncomfortable. It just--” He sighed, not sure if this was his story to tell. “I told him--I basically told him I wasn’t going to be Mark.”

Johnny turned his head to face forward, saying, “Ah. I get it.” It was Jaehyun’s turn to watch Johnny, his profile backlit by the lights of the house. He didn’t look upset or mad. He didn’t look like he was feeling anything, actually. Jaehyun wondered if Johnny had thought he’d pushed Donghyuck away because he was a guy. What was he thinking, now that he knew that wasn’t the reason?

“Mark is complicated,” Johnny said after a while. Jaehyun smiled slightly because who wasn’t? “He has a really big heart. But sometimes he gets lost in what he thinks he’s supposed to do.”

Jaehyun nodded, taking another drag of his cigarette and passing it to Johnny again who took it. “I get it. You don’t have to talk about it, I know it’s not really my business.”

Johnny nodded, taking a drag himself. They were quiet again, and this time Jaehyun’s mind did wander. He wondered if Johnny was still as drunk as before, or if he’d sobered up as much as Jaehyun. Looking at him, he looked pretty stable, his eyes focused ahead of him, occasionally flitting over to meet his own. He passed the cigarette back.

He looked _really_ stable, leaning against the thick oak as if he himself were a tree. The thought of Johnny as a tree made Jaehyun snicker quietly. Johnny turned, watching him with a tiny smile. “What?”

Jaehyun cleared his throat, still smiling. “Nothing. I was thinking of you as a tree,” he said, deciding he could blame it on the alcohol later. 

Johnny smiled, raising the eyebrow that meant teasing. “A tree? What kind of tree?” Jaehyun rolled his eyes because that was such a Johnny question.

“I don’t fucking know. An oak? Like this one,” he said, patting the tree behind them. Johnny looked up at the canopy, the leaves rustling like white noise above them. He laughed, nudging Jaehyun with a shoulder.

“Why, cause I’m tall?” he asked, his smile going from teasing to wicked.

Jaehyun scoffed, nudging him back. “No,” he said in mock annoyance. “Maybe,” he added after a second. Johnny laughed again, and Jaehyun wanted to shove him. His laugh was so warm, Jaehyun wanted to wrap himself in it. Jaehyun really needed to get a handle on these thoughts.

“Fuck off, it’s not my fault you’re built like that,” he said begrudgingly, straightening his shoulders to make it seem like he was confident. Johnny peered at him, a sly yet curious look gracing his face. Well, it’s not like he could stop now, right?

“Built like how?” he asked, and Jaehyun could scream. He’d blame it on the alcohol.

“Like this,” he said, reaching over to grab Johnny’s thigh, though his fingers barely wrapped around halfway. Johnny stilled as Jaehyun squeezed lightly, moving his hand upwards slowly. He could feel Johnny’s muscle tensing under his hand, and it fueled the fire.

“You’re, like, jacked.” Jaehyun knew what he was doing and he knew Johnny knew too, but he didn’t care. He avoided Johnny’s concentrated gaze as he leaned away, bringing the hand up to Johnny’s bicep and squeezing lightly. Johnny’s eyes were fixed on his face as his hand moved on his arm, and Jaehyun knew if he looked up he wouldn’t be able to look away. They’d just stand there, neither of them moving forward and neither backing down until something ridiculous happened, like rain maybe. 

But men were weak and Jaehyun was a man. When he did make eye contact, it was like all the breath left his body. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and honestly, he didn’t feel like he’d ever need to again. 

This look was different. It wasn’t the usual turned up lip corners and heavy gaze. It was raw and aggressive. He looked like the last drop of water on Earth was in front of him and he couldn’t have it. Jaehyun inhaled shakily, feeling the heat of his gaze spread from his head to his toes, the sensation stronger than any nicotine.

Their faces were so close, and Jaehyun could see Johnny’s pupils blown wide, disappearing against his irises. Jaehyun wondered what his own eyes looked like, whether they were blown just as wide.

Jaehyun saw it in Johnny’s face before it happened, a slight twitch before he leaned in just a fraction of an inch. He could have passed it off as leaning into the wind, but Jaehyun knew better. The shift felt like a very shift in the charged energy between them, sending an electric shock through his spine. He flinched, the now-out cigarette dropping from his hand like a stone.

He immediately dropped his gaze, watching the tiny object lay discarded on the grass. His breath came back to him in a whoosh and he had to keep himself from gasping.

“Fuck,” he said quietly. He steeled himself, bending down to reach for it with shaking fingers. He straightened, just staring at the damp cigarette in his hand. Seconds passed, maybe a minute, but Jaehyun didn’t want to look up. He could hear someone shouting happily in the background, probably from the house, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. 

When he finally looked back up, Johnny’s expression was completely neutral, if not a little worried. It was as if nothing had happened, and Jaehyun suddenly felt like he had made a wrong choice, though which choice, he wasn’t sure.

“You look really tired,” Johnny said, and his voice was just as gentle as it had been ten minutes before. Jaehyun nodded silently, and this time he let the cigarette drop on purpose, stepping on it. _Terminator_. “You look cold, too, dude,” he added with a wry smile, and Jaehyun smirked back at him.

“You’re the one with no jacket, dumbass.” Johnny wrapped his arm around his shoulders for the nth time that night, and they started back towards the house. “We still gotta walk back to your house,” Jaehyun said, leaning into him.

Johnny hummed as they slowly walked closer. “Do you wanna stay over? I don’t think you should be driving.”

Jaehyun looked up at him, though to be honest, the thought had crossed his mind earlier. “Um, could I? Your parents won’t mind? Shit, do they know you and Mark are here?”

Johnny nodded, an amused look on his face. “Yeah, they know, and no they won’t mind. They went to our school too, so like, they did all this at some point.” Jaehyun laughed, imagining Johnny’s parents, whom he’d never met, as prom king and queen.

“My dad once let me host one of these if you can believe it,” he said. “I think my parents are living vicariously through Mark and me.” Jaehyun laughed, leaning back into his side. The exhaustion was setting in and his limbs were getting heavy. 

“Thanks.” Johnny’s arm tightened around him slightly.

“Of course, we have a guest room set up anyways. Plus, it's the weekend. D'you have work tomorrow? Or today, I guess,” he said, smiling that little smile he did when no one else was really around. Jaehyun shook his head, glad he had the next day off, and Johnny nodded, leading him back into the house.

\---

The next hour passed by in a tired blur. Charlie's house was a little emptier than earlier, though people were still dancing. A few people had exchanged solo cups for bongs and pipes, and the rooms were heavy with the smell of weed. They said goodbye to a lot of people, though Jaehyun didn’t see Donghyuck. He wondered if he’d left already.

Mark and a few others walked with them back to the house, the others breaking off at their respective houses along the way. Jaehyun noticed there were two new cars in the driveway as they approached the house, and soon they were inside and significantly warmer. 

Jaehyun was shown the guest bedroom and Johnny lent him some sweats and a teeshirt, all of which smelled like him. The bed was a queen and Jaehyun expressed his excitement about it to Johnny who grinned, just as tired.

Jaehyun dreamt about driving his car and about walking through an apple orchard. He definitely had a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read!!!!
> 
> so the next excursion may or may not be exploring an abandoned building :D and i want your opinions!! i want to introduce some other nct members as either johnny or jae's college friends, and i can't decide who so i thought i'd ask ya'll. lmk who u think would enjoy exploring creepy mills, and also how many people should go with them!
> 
> thanks for reading! stay safe <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey this is gonna be another double post so stay tuned for another one tonight!

Jaehyun was nine when he realized his rural home-town was, in fact, rural. 

Hanging out with friends in middleschool meant video games on couches and nerf guns in backyards, but at some point, those things got boring and exploration was necessary. Jaehyun remembered the first time his parents let him and a friend walk around town by themselves. They had gone to a corner store and bought chips before walking around the main streets and up and down the grid of houses until it started getting dark.

When his parents asked him how it went, he had shrugged, telling them it was kind of boring. They’d laughed, telling him they’d drive him somewhere the next time.

From then on, Jaehyun would walk with friends around town almost every day, buying ice cream and chips and Redbull and watching the highschoolers at the skatepark with their big teeshirts and baggy jeans. Sometimes they’d walk through the woods behind one of their houses, playing games or just talking. Sometimes they’d find things in the woods, like old car parts or stone walls that stretched for hundreds of feet. 

Jaehyun also remembered the first time he’d smoked, in those same woods. His best friend at the time had an older brother, and he’d showed him how the week before and let him take some. They’d been fourteen and nervous, but it had been fun. 

It had been almost two weeks since the house party, and Jaehyun’s life and schedule had continued on like it hadn’t even happened. He still remembered every minute of that night in vivid detail, the morning after included.

Waking up early and realizing where he was, he’d carefully wandered around the house to look for a bathroom and then Johnny. He’d been in his room, door open as he lay with a textbook on his lap. He was wearing glasses, and Jaehyun realized he’d never been in Johnny’s room. Johnny patted the comforter beside him, telling him his parents knew he was there and were going to make breakfast soon.

They sat together for a little while, Jaehyun asking him what he was studying and Johnny asking him how he was feeling from the night before. “Not awful,” he answered and Johnny laughed. “But also not great, I guess. I think I drank more than you.”

Johnny nodded. “Yeah, I took it easy when people started throwing up in the garden.” Jaehyun snorted, asking, “Shit, did that happen?”

Johnny shrugged. “Yep, there’s always at least one.”

There was a beat of silence, and Jaehyun felt like he could hear the questions forming inside Johnny’s head. He turned to look at him, maybe out of anticipation and maybe just to watch him think. He was staring intently at his calculus textbook, but Jaehyun could see his eyes weren’t moving across the page.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, and Johnny sighed, playing with the edge of a page with his fingers. 

“Honestly, I’m thinking about Mark,” he answered quietly, and Jaehyun hummed. He could hear sounds coming from the kitchen downstairs along with people talking. “I know their relationship, or whatever, isn’t--I don’t know, I guess I’m just worried. For both of them. This back and forth thing, you saw what I mean, it’s been going on for years.” Johnny leaned back into the headboard and Jaehyun followed. “Sometimes I wonder if he just doesn’t know. Or if he’s just genuinely uncomfortable with Donghyuck part of the time.”

Jaehyun nodded, thinking about how hard it would be to watch that kind of tension mount for so long. Donghyuck’s distressed expression made its way back into Jaehyun’s mind, and the events of the night before resurfaced. Mark and his argument, followed by the hungry look in his eyes right after.

“I feel kind of bad about what I said to him last night, to Donghyuck,” Jaehyun started, staring ahead at the various posters on Johnny’s bedroom wall. “Not because it was too harsh or anything, but I guess ‘cause it probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear after fighting with Mark.”

“I get that,” Johnny said, turning his head to look at him. He had the same blank look he’d had when they talked about it under the tree. “But honestly, it was probably for the best. I don’t think it would have been good for him right then, or you for that matter.” 

Jaehyun hadn’t really thought about himself in that situation, though clearly Johnny had. What if the circumstances had been different, would Jaehyun have gone with it? What if he hadn’t overheard the argument, would he have reacted differently? Would Johnny have seen? Jaehyun nodded, trying not to think about it further.

Breakfast was announced and Jaehyun went to change, pulling out his phone to update his mom. The beginnings of something like anxiety made him frown, and he paused in front of the bathroom mirror, hands resting on the counter’s edge. Images of Johnny’s expression loomed over him, shadowed and loaded, and he felt the need to splash cold water on his face for the second time that morning. He had too many questions and too many answers, all of which he was not in the mood to address.

Johnny’s parents were just as Jaehyun had pictured; exactly like Johnny, very put together and warm at the same time. His mom actually hugged him, welcoming him before ushering him to a chair at the island to be served. Apparently, people stayed over last-minute all the time, and they just loved meeting Johnny’s friends. “He’s just so grown up now, it’s nice to have him around again and see him have fun.” Johnny gave a tight smile as he ate his bacon. 

Mark eventually surfaced, looking worse for wear and giving Jaehyun an unsurprised wave as he sat. Their dad acknowledged him with an aggressive pat on the back before going back to his newspaper, their mom fussing over him and pouring him some coffee. Jaehyun felt like he was in a ‘90s sitcom, and he awkwardly made quiet conversation with Johnny.

Afterward, Johnny had walked him to his car, apologizing for the weird morning. “It wasn’t weird, your family is really nice. I don’t have a lot of meals with my family all together, so it was kind of cool.” 

Johnny smiled, looking a little preoccupied, and they both leaned against the car. It was pretty cold out, and Johnny had lent him a jacket. “Just give it back the next time we hang out,” he had said with a lopsided grin. 

Jaehyun fished out his keys, his eyes still on Johnny. He looked serious, and it was so different from his usually playful disposition that Jaehyun was concerned. Maybe he was having second thoughts about something, maybe the party or something he’d said. Maybe he was thinking about work or school.

Johnny seemed to snap out of it and smiled, saying he’d kidnapped Jaehyun for long enough. He laughed and it had sounded genuine, so Jaehyun hugged him quickly before getting into his car and heading home. The tension followed, hanging over him heavy and wet the whole ride home, kind of like a storm cloud.

\---

The day it finally did rain, Jaehyun got a call from Yuta. Yuta was a caller, never really one for texting. 

Jaehyun was at home, watching the weather from his living room window. It wasn’t a lot of rain, but it effectively washed away any leftover traces of snow. It was almost sad, like the snow never even had a chance. Spring usually felt far away at this point in the year, but maybe things were going to start warming up.

_“Hey, bitch, how’s it going?”_ Yuta asked when he picked up, not even giving Jaehyun a chance to greet him. Jaehyun laughed at the familiar opening. He hadn’t talked to Yuta since his birthday and hadn’t seen him since the fall. 

“Hey, man, pretty good. How are you?” 

Yuta sighed over the receiver, and Jaehyun could picture his sly grin. _“Eh, same work, same crowd, you know? I miss you though, so I thought I’d call. I’ve been thinking about driving up some time, it’s been so damn long.”_

Jaehyun hummed, still smiling. “It has, yeah. You should totally come, my mom misses you.” Yuta laughed, lamenting about missing her and her cooking more. Jaehyun settled further into the couch, his phone pressed to his ear. 

_“But really, how are you? And give me more than that Walmart crap, I want every minute detail.”_

Jaehyun had met Yuta in third grade. He had just moved from Japan and had anger issues, to put it bluntly. Jaehyun had watched him punch a kid for making fun of his accent, and had immediately decided to be his friend. He still brought it up every once and a while, and Yuta would laugh and go off about what an asshole Jordan was.

They’d gotten closer throughout middleschool, and Yuta became Jaehyun’s outlet. He was bold and unapologetic but also gentle and genuine. When they weren’t watching old movies or doing homework or smoking, they were sharing Yuta’s beanbag chair and having deep conversations. Jaehyun told him everything, even about his first crush on a guy in eighth grade. Yuta had offered to beat him up if he ever hurt him, but Jaehyun had never acted on it. 

“I’m doing okay. I went to a party, actually, I think two weeks ago. This month has been kind of wild, to be honest.” Jaehyun could practically hear Yuta salivating at the prospect of drama. 

_“Oh my god, yes, tell me everything.”_

Jaehyun sighed, trying to figure out where to start. “I kind of met this guy at work, and we’ve been hanging out, like smoking and everything. He’s really cool, he invited me to his brother’s basketball game.” 

Yuta made an affirming noise. _“Aww, you’re making friends, that’s so cute!”_

“Yuta, shut up. I’m not, like, antisocial.” Yuta actually laughed, and Jaehyun wished he was there in person so he could shove him. 

_“I’m just making fun of you, man. But that sounds cool, I’m glad you’re getting out, you work too much.”_

Jaehyun hummed again. “It’s been nice, yeah. Actually, the first time I met him was in the Walmart parking lot, I thought he was trying to steal a truck. His name’s Johnny.” Jaehyun smiled at the memory, listening to the sound of paper rustling through the phone. 

_“Hah, that sounds mad sketch, but he sounds fun. Was he the one you went to the party with? What kind of party, like a house party or a frat or something?”_ Jaehyun told him more about the basketball game and the big house. 

Yuta scoffed when he found out what school Johnny’d gone to, but seemed entertained by the prospect of Jaehyun and a twenty-one-year-old going to a house party with highschoolers. “It wasn’t that bad, it honestly felt like a frat, there were so many people there. Plus, they had, like, more alcohol than you could ever need.” 

_“Sick. Did you hook up with anyone? Shit, were any of them even of age?”_ he asked with a laugh, and Jaehyun scolded him. 

“What the fuck, that’s weird. And no, I didn’t. It would have been weird, and some stuff happened anyway.”

Yuta paused his shuffling. _“Ah, everything good?”_ he asked, and Jaehyun could hear the subtle shift in his tone. Chaotic as he was, Yuta was a protector at heart.

“Yeah, everything was fine.” He gave him a brief summary of Mark and Donghyuck’s argument and of being approached right after. 

Yuta listened patiently, chiming in at the end. _“That’s definitely interesting. Sucks, though, I feel bad for both of them. I hope everything works out, or that they can work it out, or something.”_

Jaehyun agreed and Yuta caught him up on his own life working and going to school down South, telling him about a venue he played last week and about his hot professor. _“No, you don’t understand, she’s scary sexy. Like, aggressively hot, I’d totally let her hit me. Total milf.”_

Jaehyun blanched. “Don’t ever say milf again.” Jaehyun heard Yuta’s cackle echo through the speaker and he smiled. It reminded him of school, of baseball games and chemistry worksheets. Sometimes Jaehyun felt like his whole identity was wrapped up in memories, little snapshots of his past that shaped him and his thoughts. 

“You should definitely come back, though, spend a weekend here or something,” Jaehyun said, thinking about the last time he’d spent time with Yuta. It might have been right before classes started, probably at one of their houses. Maybe it had been the last time they’d gone out to smoke.

_“Yeah, I really want to. There are so many things I miss doing, like I miss Eddie’s and our spot by the park.”_ Eddie’s had the best burgers in a forty-mile radius. _“Remember when we went to the park with Jungwoo that one time and we got really faded and he tried to climb that wall?”_

Jaehyun laughed because he did remember. “Yeah, I do. I saw him over Christmas, I think.” Yuta hummed and there was a lull in the conversation. Jaehyun looked back up at the window where it was still raining steadily. Sometimes rain felt less satisfying than snow. Where snow would build-up, rain would always wash away. _Gross, that was sappy_.

Jaehyun inhaled, like words were forming without his permission. “You ever…Feel unsure about things you usually feel sure about?” Yuta was silent on the other line and all Jaehyun could hear was the sound of rain.

_“Yeah, sometimes,”_ he responded after a second. _“Sometimes things change, or maybe you change. You feelin' unsure about something?”_

Jaehyun sighed, trying to sort through the clutter accumulating in his brain. Was he? “I’m not sure, honestly. I don’t really know what to call what I’m feeling, it’s weird,” he said slowly.

Yuta grunted quietly, and he heard fabric rustling. _“I get that. Feelings are abstract, man. I think sometimes trying to organize them makes them more complicated.”_ Jaehyun thought that made a lot of sense, and he was glad Yuta was better at abstract thinking than he was. _“Do you want to talk about it some, or just, like, let it sit for a while?”_

Deep down, Jaehyun knew he wanted to talk about it, though he wasn’t really sure what “it” was. Maybe it was hesitations about his future, or building stress. Hell, maybe it was that cloud of anxiety that had been following him since the party. Cigarettes in the cold. His hand on Johnny’s thigh. Jaehyun thought there was a good chance it was a combination of all of those, and he figured he’d better spend some time on it before he put anything out into the universe.

“I think I just need to…Sit with it, yeah.” Yuta made an affirming noise. “Thank you,” he added, quietly. 

_“Yeah, of course.”_ There was a sound of something hitting a surface and Yuta swore, making Jaehyun snicker. _“So, remember that hot professor I was talking about? Apparently, she’s mad rich ‘cause she divorced, like, two husbands. Dude, I could totally be a sugar baby or something--”_

\---

Jaehyun was on break with Jeno in the back room when he decided to text Johnny. Usually, when they texted, Johnny would reach out first, sometimes with a _hey, how was work_ , or something like _hey, look at this tree it looks like a naked person_. Jaehyun was sort of grateful, honestly, because he was not the strongest texter in the world. 

_Hey, hows everything_ , he asked, _hows mark and bear and the truck?_

Johnny responded almost immediately, and Jaehyun’s heart absolutely did not skip a beat.

_Hey! theyre rlly good, apparently bear’s twin came by the othr day but i wasn’t there :(_

_Thats good_ , he replied, followed by, _but that sucks, were u at school?_

Johnny had been, apparently longer than usual because his internship had given him off-site work he could do on campus. Jaehyun realized it had been almost three weeks since he’d seen Johnny in person, and he had to admit he’d noticed the loss.

_Im coming back tho this weekend i think, my dad wants me to help him build a fence??_

Jaehyun huffed a laugh, thinking about how much that sounded like Johnny’s dad. He seemed like a barbeque and Home Depot kind of guy. Jeno looked up from his phone game with raised eyebrows and Jaehyun just shook his head to say it was nothing.

_Thats very dad-like of him, u gonna do it?_ Jaehyun realized if Johnny was going to be around, they could get together again.

_Yeah i think so_ , Johnny responded, _tho i don’t get why he doesn’t wait till its warmer lol. Maybe its a dad thing_. Jaehyun agreed, because dads definitely did interesting things.

Hesitating a little, he asked, _If u have free time then, wanna hang?_

_Yeah totally_ , Johnny responded, just as quickly as before, _it’s been a minute, if u want we cn smoke again? Ps4?_

Jaehyun hesitated again--he’d been thinking about this, among other things. Johnny always offered; he offered his weed, rides, games, and Jaehyun was starting to feel like it was adding up, though he knew that wasn’t how it worked. He definitely wanted to do those things, but he was starting to feel like he was taking advantage of him. He knew Johnny would ask if he wanted any sort of reimbursement, but Jaehyun couldn’t help feeling like he at least owed him gas money.

_We could yeah, but_ , he paused as he typed, _i don’t want u to think im using u for ur weed or anything_. He contemplated adding a “haha” or something at the end but decided against it.

Johnny started typing and Jaehyun watched the little speech bubble rise and fall.

_No no i dont think that, i like offering :) we dont have to smoke either, honestly i jst like hanging out with u_

Jaehyun felt himself smile before he realized he was doing it, and he wrestled a bit with the reassured fluttering in his stomach. He resisted the urge to spill all his emotions into his phone, eventually realizing it had been over a minute since he’d read the text and that he was probably making Johnny nervous by not responding.

_I like hanging with u too_ , he answered before deciding he could spare a little emotion. _Ur honestly the most fun ive had in a while, im glad u got locked out of ur truck :)_

_:O u used a smiley im so happyy_ , he typed and Jaehyun snorted. Jeno glanced up again, eyebrows raised higher. Johnny texted again before Jaehyun could reply. 

_But i was thinking kinda abt that too, i feel like i drag u around to do all these illicit activities with all this drama lol i feel kinda bad_

Jaehyun blinked at “illicit activities,” trying not to laugh again. What was Johnny worried he was going to do, corrupt him? Very funny.

_Its not dragging if i go willingly haha_ , he answered, and he was serious. Johnny could probably suggest the most uninteresting thing and he’d jump at the chance. _How about if i drag u to do illicit activities, is that better?_

_Tht depends, what kind of illicit activities we talkin about here ;)_

Jaehyun should have expected it, but he really hadn’t, and he opened and closed his mouth stupidly which was pointless because he and Johnny weren’t having a verbal conversation. He felt his ears getting hot, and he could practically hear Johnny cackling, hating how much the thought made him smile. Where did this guy come up with this stuff?

_Dude stop flirting, im at work_

Johnny apologized for distracting him in his coveted place of employment before enthusiastically assenting to being dragged around by Jaehyun, claiming that he really wanted to see what Jae did for fun.

Thinking about it, Jaehyun wasn’t really sure what he could show him. He spent most of his time either at home or work, and when he wasn’t doing homework or playing Fifa, he was working with his uncle on his car--all things Johnny knew about. There wasn’t a whole lot to do, especially during winter. Maybe he’d take him around town, to the skate park or maybe to one of the cool, dilapidated structures spread around the surrounding woods. 

_Hmm i guess i can come up with smth_

\---

That Friday, Jaehyun got another call from Yuta, though the only thing he said was, _“I’m here, let me in,”_ before hanging up. He had, in fact, been literally standing on his doorstep.

They both lay sprawled on the couch, legs tangled together as Brooklyn Nine-nine reruns played on the TV. Yuta had practically tackled him when he’d opened the door, spinning him once and slapping his back roughly. He’d barely changed, still wearing mostly black and covered in glinting silver, except for his hair which was longer than before and pulled into a hair tie. They'd fallen into conversation and routine like they’d seen each other the day before, and Jaehyun felt a little more like himself.

Yuta hummed around a mouthful of Cheerios and Jaehyun started to wonder if all his friends just had a thing for cereal. “So you guys are gonna hang out again but you don’t know where to go? I mean, do you wanna smoke again or, like, do something that’s a proper outing, like…A hike?”

Jaehyun gave him a look. “A hike? What the fuck, no.”

Yuta laughed, eyes staying on the TV. “What, you asked for input. I mean, you’re probably thinking too hard, you could just walk around. That’s kind of what we do here.” Jaehyun sighed because he was right.

“I know, I kind of feel like I need to impress him? I don’t know why, though. He’s pretty easy to please, literally everything makes him smile.” When Yuta didn’t respond, Jaehyun looked over to find he was watching him, still chewing. “What,” he asked, and Yuta’s mouth twitched as he turned back to the screen.

“Nothing. What about doing both, going to smoke and then exploring or something. Take him to one of the mills. Wow, when was the last time we went out there?” 

“Woah, a while. Senior year? We never did them all, either.” 

There were abandoned as well as working mills all over the edge of town, mostly paper and textile mills, some of them further from town than others. A lot of people hung out around the closer ones, using them to smoke or take pictures or vandalize. 

Jaehyun had first gone inside one his first year of highschool, though he’d admit he was terrified. Even in daylight, the huge brick structures looked ominous, and the insides were either sprawling and empty or still full of rusted machinery. In tenth grade, Jaehyun, Yuta, and two other friends had made a list of all the mills in the area, hoping to get inside them all. They never got through the whole list, mostly because some mills were just too hard to get into without hurting yourself. 

“I miss doing things all together,” Jaehyun said. “Like, in highschool you have an obligatory social life ‘cause you’re there six hours a day, but in college, everyone breaks off and does their own thing and you only have four-ish classes and then just work a lot. I know it’s been a few years, but it still feels different.”

“That’s true, yeah,” Yuta replied, and he played with some of the silver in his ear. “It’s weird facilitating your own everything, though I guess it’s better than not. Being old is wack, man.” 

Jaehyun laughed. “Dude, you’re twenty.”

Yuta waved him off, shuffling around on the couch. “Mills sound like they could be dope, though. You should totally invite me too, you know, ‘cause I suggested it,” he added, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Do you know if Johnny’s ever been to one?” 

Jaehyun said he wasn’t sure, but he would ask. That wasn’t a bad idea. He could imagine Johnny and himself, and even Mark or Yuta, poking around the big rooms and getting high.

Jaehyun reached over to snatch a handful of Cheerios from the other, and Yuta grinned at him, his attention back on the TV. Piercings lined his ears, some of them hanging and some of them small hoops, similar to the gold ones in his own ears. If he hadn’t known him half his life, Jaehyun would probably be intimidated; Yuta looked aggressive, though he was just a big dog at heart.

“How long ago did you and Johnny meet again?” Yuta asked, and Jaehyun counted the weeks in his head. 

“Around a month ago, I guess, sometime after my birthday. I keep forgetting it’s March now.” 

Yuta nodded, shaking cereal straight from the box into his mouth. “Me too, sometimes I think it’s still 2014.” Jaehyun laughed. They sat in silence for a bit, still watching Brooklyn Nine-nine. Yuta giggled at all the jokes, just like he always did, and Jaehyun’s mind wandered as he thought about the weekend and work and Johnny.

Johnny’s dad wanted him to work all Saturday morning, much to Johnny’s displeasure, but he was free in the afternoon and Sunday, though Jaehyun bet he would want to do school stuff then. Jaehyun wasn’t nervous, but he was definitely apprehensive. There was something nerve-wracking about showing someone your life, and part of him wondered if Johnny would be disillusioned like he had worried himself, back at the basketball game.

He found himself getting antsy at the thought of things getting weird again. Jaehyun wasn’t always the best at warming up awkward situations, and images of tense stares in the dimly lit hallway of a mill started forcing their way into his head. He stood up.

“I’m gonna go grab a cig, d’you wanna come?” he asked quietly, and Yuta watched him pat his pockets for his lighter.

“Yeah, sure.” They moved to the deck, and Jaehyun was glad it wasn’t too cold, though it definitely wasn’t warm. He pulled his sleeves further down his wrists as Yuta lit the cigarette, taking the first drag before passing it to him. Yuta didn’t smoke often, and sometimes Jaehyun felt like a bad influence. Yuta would hit him if he said that out loud, though.

“Sometimes I think about quitting,” Jaehyun voiced quietly through the smoke, though he hadn’t planned on saying it. Yuta looked at him, his head tilted as if to ask “really?”

Jaehyun shrugged, looking over the deck and into the woods. “I don’t know. I think I’m getting tired of it, like…Kind of like it’s served its purpose, or something.”

Yuta nodded steadily and they looked out into the woods together. This sort of thing happened a lot with them, where an otherwise playful conversation suddenly turned deep, sometimes dark. Sometimes Jaehyun felt like he gave himself whiplash with all the thinking he did.

“Did you figure out that thing you were thinking about? Being unsure about something?”

Jaehyun blinked, remembering the conversation from earlier that week. He had thought about it, though saying he’d figured it out would be a stretch. “I don’t know, I think I’m still trying to figure out what ‘it’ is.” 

Yuta nodded, leaning against the railing as he watched him. 

“Tell me if I’m wrong, but I feel like it might have something to do with Johnny,” he said. Jaehyun didn’t answer, just took another drag. “Tell me more about him, he sounds really cool. What’s he like?”

“Um,” he started, laughing a little. “He’s tall.” Yuta snorted. “He has a truck, the one I thought he might be stealing. He’s kind of a stoner, but he’s also really professional. Like, he’s in his junior year for architecture and has an internship and everything. It’s really cool.” Yuta nodded, taking the cigarette from Jaehyun.

“He has money, but he’s not an asshole about it. He’s really sweet, actually, he goes to his little brother’s games and he loves his dog a lot. He smiles a lot. He has a nice smile.” Yuta was smiling at him.

“He sounds really nice,” he said. “Jae, you know where I’m going with this, right?” Jaehyun did, and he didn’t want to look up. “You wanna talk about it?”

He glanced over at Yuta who was still watching him, his expression gentle but searching, before looking back into the trees. 

“Probably. I think I’m getting all weird about it ‘cause I’ve been trying not to think about it.” 

Yuta hummed, and Jaehyun wondered what he was thinking. The wind picked up a bit and Jaehyun could smell how wet the earth was from all the melted snow and rain. He stuffed his fists further into his sweatshirt pockets, trying to figure out what he wanted to say.

“We keep having these moments,” he started, pausing to take a short drag and watching the smoke blow away quickly with the wind. “Like, we make eye contact and then don’t break it. We just stare, and it keeps happening. At first, I thought it was kind of fun, he flirts a lot so I thought maybe it was just his thing. But now it feels different.”

“Different how? Like, better? Or worse?” Yuta asked, still listening intently. He was good at this, just soaking in a story when he knew someone needed to talk it out.

Jaehyun chuckled, thinking _what does it mean if it feels like both?_ He asked that, and Yuta laughed lightly.

“At that party, right before we left, he and I were in the yard cause it was getting sort of wild.” Yuta smirked, exhaling smoke through his nose. “I wasn’t really drunk anymore but I wasn’t sober. And I sort of--” He cut himself off, laughing at how strange it felt so say it out loud. 

“I basically felt him up. A little. Not really, but like--” Yuta raised an eyebrow, and Jaehyun scoffed, exasperated.

“We did that thing again, but it was different. It was kind of intense, I don’t really know how to explain it. And I wasn’t sure if it was just me, if it was even significant enough to talk about, so I didn’t bring it up again after.” He sighed, and calm slowly trickled down his spine. Sometimes he forgot how nice it was to just let it out. Jaehyun wondered if this was the most he’d said in over a week.

“But I keep thinking about it, so…” He shrugged, feeling the need to lighten the atmosphere. “He’s fuckin’ funny, though, I think you’d like him.”

Yuta exhaled a laugh, saying, “I probably would.”

They stood in a comfortable silence again, passing the cigarette back and forth until it was almost out. Jaehyun wasn’t really in the mood for a second one.

“I wanna hear more about you, though, it’s been a while and you listened to all my bullshit,” he quipped, and Yuta rolled his eyes, placing his hands on the railing dramatically with a grin.

“Huh, not much is up, really. The guys and I did a show at a club last month and this month, but I already told you that.” The guys were Yuta’s “band,” and they’d been together for a few years, doing small shows and putting out music on Spotify. Yuta didn’t like to call it a band, even though that was what they were, and they were getting more popular.

Yuta caught him up further on his family and some school things, getting heated about something someone in his sociology class had said. “And then they got up and asked the professor what he was going to do about it. What he was gonna _do_ about it! I think I’m in love with them, they’re so hot.”

“You think everyone is hot, you used to hit on our soccer coach, dude,” Jaehyun replied, and Yuta scoffed.

“Oh my god, that was one time.” They laughed, huddled into the railing as the wind picked up again. 

Jaehyun thumbed towards the sliding door, asking, “Back inside?” and Yuta nodded. They ended up back on the couch, legs tangled together like before, with Yuta shoving him slightly for more room even though Jaehyun was taller. Brooklyn Nine-nine changed to Rick and Morty.

“So, do you think Johnny’s hot?” Yuta asked, and Jaehyun turned to him quickly before turning back to the TV just as fast, failing to hide his exasperated smile. 

Yuta smirked from beside him, and Jaehyun wanted to roll his eyes. _Come on_ , he thought, _don’t do this to me_. Resigned, he turned back to Yuta, cocking his head and lifting an eyebrow in what he hoped was a good enough answer. Yuta grinned.

Later that afternoon, Yuta dozing off next to him, Jaehyun took out his phone to text Johnny.

_So…_ , he started, _u know those videos of those guys who explore abandoned buildings?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuta with tattoos and leather and piercings warms my big, gay heart <3
> 
> stay safe, ya'll


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are! i live in a mill town and love the mills, so enjoy :)
> 
> (i think this'll be completed by september, yay)

Yuta had tugged on Jaehyun’s sleeve when they’d all met, whispering, “What the fuck, they’re both hot.” Jaehyun had laughed, pushing him away, and they’d hugged in greeting. 

They had parked and met off the road by the locked gate, Mark practically vibrating as they circled around it on foot. “Holy shit, this is so cool,” he said. Mark’s eyes got wide at the “private property” signs, and Yuta ruffled his hair, telling him no one actually gave a shit, let alone patrolled this area. It was one of the emptier mills, so stealing wasn’t much of an issue.

Jaehyun had never been to this specific mill, but Yuta had so he led the way, the three of them close behind as they made their way up the overgrown dirt road. Mark was walking with Yuta further in front, asking rapid-fire questions about his band and his piercings and if he had any tattoos. Yuta pulled up his sleeve to show the ink trailing down from his shoulder to his forearm, and Mark gaped at it.

“Whoa, sick, is that an octopus?” Yuta laughed, nodding and telling him about some of the new ones he wanted to get.

Johnny had been excited when he told him about the mills, explaining he’d been outside of one but never inside. Jaehyun told him a couple of his favorite stories, like the time he’d caught his friend making out with his other friend’s sister, or the time a different friend had the cops called on them and was chased.

_Now whos living in a movie, tht sounds so cool!!_ He had texted.

“So, how are you,” Johnny asked as they walked, bumping him with his shoulder. Jaehyun could hear Yuta babbling on in front of them and he shrugged.

“I’m good, I’m good.” He laughed a little at how formal they sounded, like they weren’t about to go trespass and use drugs. “Oh, I have your jacket,” he said, swinging off his bag to rummage around for it.

Johnny shook his head. “Nah, don’t worry about it. It might get colder, you can keep it until later if you want.” Jaehyun raised his eyebrows in question and Johnny just gave an upwards nod, smiling at him as Jaehyun put the jacket back in his bag. “Yuta seems cool, are you guys really close?” 

Jaehyun nodded, watching Mark and his friend talk animatedly. “Yeah, since elementary school,” he answered, and Johnny hummed. “He’s probably my closest friend, though people never believe me. We’re kind of opposites, I guess, but he’s like my brother.”

Johnny nodded, saying that was really sweet and that Yuta seemed like a great guy. “I think Mark thinks so, too,” he added with a smile, and Jaehyun scoffed.

“Yeah, Yuta’s pretty magnetic, just wait and see,” he said with a smirk, and Johnny laughed.

When the mill came into view, Mark actually gasped, jumping up and down. “Oh my _god_ , this is so cool, look at it!” he yelled, running further up the road. Yuta laughed loudly, reaching out to grab at him so he didn’t get lost or trip on anything sharp. 

Jaehyun eyed the structure himself, all thick brick and cement smokestacks, ivy running up every surface. Swirls of graffiti peeked out from behind bushes and around corners, all sorts of colors writing out funny lines or mild slurs. Most of the windows were broken, and a chain-link fence surrounded the building. It looked pretty impressive.

“Come this way,” Yuta said, motioning them towards a section of fence further left. Jaehyun looked over at Johnny whose eyes were roaming over the mill.

“Looks cool, right?” he said, and Johnny turned to him, grinning. 

“I feel like I should be filming a vlog or something, this is awesome.” Jaehyun laughed, imagining Johnny as a YouTuber.

They followed Yuta around and into the trees, stepping over logs and around brush as they followed the fence. Jaehyun saw where they were headed, a portion of the fence that was cut and pulled away to make an opening. Mark looked back at them with an amazed expression, his eyes impossibly wide. 

To get inside the building itself, they had to climb a fire escape and then through a broken window, the glass cleared out and what looked like a towel draped over the sill. Johnny went through in front of him, turning to offer him a hand right after. His hand was warm despite the chill.

The floor they were on was wide open, with wooden columns filling the space and beams crisscrossing the ceiling, some of them half fallen. “There’s so much glass,” Mark said, stepping over broken shards and bottles. He was right, and most of the edge of the room was covered in shattered pieces. It was almost beautiful, the way the light reflected on them, casting bright dots on every wall.

“I can show you some cool shit, then we can find a spot and smoke, I wanna get _high_ ,” Yuta said, stretching out the work “high.” Mark laughed, following him immediately as they picked their way towards a door on the far side.

Johnny fell into step with him, neck craned as he took in the space. “It kind of looks like a studio apartment,” he said, “but like, after the apocalypse, or something. I’m kind of glad we’re here when it’s light out.” He pulled out his phone and turned around to take a few pictures.

They left the main factory space into a hallway that led to a stairwell. There were no windows and it was much darker, the open doors on each end being the only light. Yuta pulled out a flashlight as they slowly walked down the hall towards the stairs. “This is so cool,” Mark said for the nth time, “I can’t believe I’ve never done this before.”

Glass crunched under their shoes, and Jaehyun followed the beam of the flashlight across the walls, reading the graffiti. He smiled at some of the crude lines and took note of some of the genuinely good artwork. He’d always thought graffiti was beautiful, though he’d never held a can of spray paint in his life. Someone kicked an empty can and it ricocheted against a wall, skittering forward. Jaehyun felt himself jump slightly. 

“That scared me,” Johnny muttered behind him. “Hey, have you ever seen anything weird in one of these?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “Maybe a raccoon or something, but nothing creepy I don’t think. Sometimes there’s sketchy stuff like needles, though.” Johnny hummed, and Jaehyun could feel his body heat behind him. The flash from his camera briefly lit up the small stairway.

They descended the stairs and into the second floor, which looked similar to the one above, though there were gaping holes in the plank floors. Everything felt oddly still, as if time was frozen. 

“Hohoo,” Yuta said, circling one of the holes carefully. “I forgot about this, look, you can see the basement!”

They all peered over the edge and could indeed see all the way through to the cement walls of the basement. Yuta’s flashlight bounced around the exposed metalwork and rotting wood, and he tossed a stick down the hole, watching it bounce around and then disappear. Jaehyun could make out metal mounts for machinery, along with a lot of trash. _Damn kids_ , he thought with a smirk.

Johnny was crouched next to him, the floor creaking under them. He looked up at him, grinning, as he tossed something else down the hole, the sound echoing. “I feel like we’re in a zombie movie,” he said, and Mark made a strangled noise.

“Dude, don’t say that!” he whined, and Johnny snickered as they left the opening to walk across the rest of the room towards more doors.

Yuta took them out another door that opened to a tunnel connecting the first building with a similar, second one. The tunnel was enclosed on all four sides, but there were windows every few feet that looked over and below. Jaehyun poked his head out a broken one, looking back and forth from each building and then down. They were only maybe thirty feet in the air, though he questioned the structural integrity of the tunnel itself.

Johnny walked further down the tunnel, taking in the view from out the windows and turning to look back at the others with a grin. “This shit is like, otherworldly. It feels like we’re floating.”

They left the tunnel and made their way into the next building. The door opened into the whole building being open, metal catwalks running around the edge at various floor heights, crossing the expanse of the space back and forth. Metal pipes hung from the ceiling, some laying on catwalks of their own and some protruding from walls or the floor.

“Whoa,” Jaehyun said, the jumble of horizontal and vertical lines giving him a bit of vertigo. “I’ve never seen stuff like this in a mill.” It was trippy.

They walked around the walkways attached to the walls, the metal creaking and shaking slightly with them. Jaehyun held on to the railing, glad he’d gotten his tetanus shots. While he took in the full 360° views, Mark and Yuta walked across to a different walkway, commenting on something he couldn’t see and giggling.

Johnny was somewhere beside him taking more pictures, and Jaehyun peered over the edge of the railing, feeling his stomach dip at the drop. The floor a ways down was wet, and he could see wide puddles and debris below. When he turned, Johnny was pointing his phone at him, quickly dropping it with a sly smile when he raised an eyebrow. 

“Be sure to take a picture when I fall, too,” Jaehyun said flatly, his stomach still doing flips despite having forgotten about the height.

Johnny laughed, walking with him across the open center of the room. “But then I wouldn’t be able to catch you, would I,” he said, and Jaehyun could hear the smile in his voice. He glared back at him, only to be met with Johnny’s signature heart-shaped smirk.

“Shut up,” he muttered weakly.

\---

Yuta had brought the weed this time, both because he was proud of this particular strain and because Jaehyun told Johnny he felt bad smoking his all the time.

They had gone through the whole second building before moving back to the first, settling in one of the sprawling rooms to smoke. Yuta was laying a little ways away with Mark, using his hands to try and explain some philosophical concept he was learning about in one of his classes. Mark was watching him with rapt attention, his hand tight around one of the glass pipes they’d brought. Jaehyun thought it was kind of cute how much Mark seemed to like Yuta, and he wondered if they would stay in touch after they left. 

He and Johnny lay shoulder to shoulder against a part of the brick wall with less glass on the floor. They were already one bowl in, their own pipe being passed between them. Jaehyun had pulled out Johnny’s jacket, shrugging it on and avoiding Johnny’s gaze. Cold air from the surrounding windows sent chills down his spine, mixing with the THC in his veins and making his fingertips tingle. It was nice.

At some point, Johnny fished out his phone, and Jaehyun watched him sift through the pictures he’d taken. Some of them were really nice, and he commented on one of the photos of graffiti in the stairwell. 

“Do you like photography?” he asked, and Johnny nodded. 

“I got into it when I went to school. I have a camera at home that I use sometimes, though it’s just for fun,” he drawled. “I like putting stuff on my Insta sometimes. Wait, do you use social media? I keep forgetting to ask.”

Jaehyun nodded, reaching for Johnny’s phone. “Yeah, I have an Instagram, though I don’t use it much. Here,” he said, typing in his handle on Johnny’s account. He looked through some of the photos on Johnny’s profile. “This is cute,” he muttered, tapping on a photo of him and Mark with Bear behind their house.

Johnny smiled, and they scrolled down his feed a bit before Jaehyun handed it back in exchange for the pipe. He relit it, taking a hit and stuffing the lighter away, holding in the smoke for a bit. He was already comfortably high, but he figured they could get through this and maybe another bowl before riding it out. He wondered what time it was.

He exhaled, the cloud billowing down and around him. He had one leg bent and the other outstretched, his knee almost touching Johnny’s. He felt tingles ripple down his back and through his legs, and he watched the smoke dissipate as it spread. He passed the pipe to Johnny, who took it.

“You have nice hands,” Johnny said after a minute, and Jaehyun hummed, bringing one of his hands up to look at it. 

“I do?” he asked, and Johnny nodded, using a finger to trace his knuckle and down one of the protruding veins. Jaehyun felt the weight of Johnny’s finger, hot and delicate, and it made his whole arm tingle even more. 

“Yeah,” he answered simply, and Jaehyun half expected him to continue, to say something witty and flirty. When he didn’t, Jaehyun turned, watching him pull his hand away slowly, his eyes trained somewhere beyond them.

Mark yelled something in the background, and they both turned, watching him scramble up and jog unsteadily over to a pile of bottles, Yuta following. Jaehyun watched them with squinted eyes, Mark reaching down and pulling up a can of something, a bright smile plastered on his face. He realized it was spray paint as Mark shook it, the can making the familiar rattling sound. 

He sprayed it a couple of times against a wall, saying, “I think it’s almost out, but it works!” He and Yuta made wide arcs against the brick, laughing as they made weird shapes. Yuta yelped when Mark aimed the bottle at him, shoving his hand away and yelling for him to stop being a brat and focus on vandalism.

Johnny laughed beside him, and Jaehyun turned, having almost forgotten he was there. His hair was shining slightly from the sunlight, and he had a lazy smile on his face. His hair was getting longer, parted and falling over his eyebrows. They made eye contact again, but Jaehyun just smiled slightly, looking down at his lap and the pipe. It had blown glass designs and was pretty.

“How’s Mark been?” he asked, hearing more cans rattle in the distance. The question was general, but he knew Johnny would get what he was referring to.

“Good,” Johnny responded, his voice smooth. “He’s graduating soon, so he’s been really busy. Donghyuck came by the other week, though, and no one threw anything so I guess they worked something out,” he said with a laugh, and Jaehyun laughed with him. That was definitely good.

“Yeah. How’d fence building go this morning?” he asked with a smirk, and Johnny groaned.

“Fucking cold and fucking early,” he whined, and Jaehyun giggled, offering his condolences. “Seriously, I got, like, three splinters,” he continued, pouting and lazily holding up a hand with a bandaid. Jaehyun rolled his eyes, telling him he was fine.

They paused as Johnny took another hit. “It was okay, though. The building part was fine, but my dad was a bit much.” Jaehyun nodded thoughtfully, remembering back to their brief meeting--his firm handshake and neat polo shirt. “Being at home is kind of a strain sometimes, I don’t know.”

He turned to Johnny, encouragingly. He had that far away look on his face, though it could have just been the weed. Jaehyun thought about how much of Johnny there probably was under the surface, how much of it he hadn’t seen yet. He genuinely wanted to hear, though Johnny shook his head with a small smile, saying, “Nah, I don’t wanna lay all my issues on you.” Jaehyun nudged him with his shoulder. 

“No, go for it, I like listening.” Johnny seemed to think about it, letting his head fall back against the wall with a soft thud. Jaehyun took the time to appreciate the lines of his jaw and profile.

“They’re a little over-enthusiastic,” he started, and Jaehyun watched him blink a few times. “They don’t know when to let go.”

Jaehyun turned to mirror him in facing forward, the movement of the others visible in the corner of his eye. Across from them on the opposite wall, someone had painted their signature, huge, layered colors making block letters he could barely read. The colors blurred a little in his vision, but next to it was an oddly realistic eye, and it stood out among all the line drawings. 

“Sometimes I feel like they don’t want me to move forward, or grow up, or something,” he continued, and Jaehyun nodded along. “Like, I told you they’re really into Mark’s and my social life, right? Sometimes they act like they’re still in highschool themselves, I think they’re trying to live this perfect, American life or something.”

He sighed slowly, pulling a knee up to rest his arms on. “And they want _us_ to, also, which I understand. It’s a little stressful, though, not gonna lie. Like, they keep trying to find me a permanent job close to home, and they once tried to get me to move back in, which is just--no.” 

He laughed a little when he finished, and Jaehyun hummed, mulling it over. “That’s understandable, I’m sorry it’s stressing you.”

Johnny nodded, turning to him. “It’s alright. They mentioned you, actually, after you left,” he added with a chuckle, and Jaehyun made an incredulous face.

“Really?” he asked, not realizing he’d made much of an impression, and the corners of Johnny’s mouth curved up.

“Yep,” he said, popping the “p.” “My mom said you seemed like a ‘very sweet boy, probably quite the ladies’ man,’” he said, mimicking his mom’s higher pitch. Jaehyun barked out a laugh, and Johnny snickered with him. 

“I’m flattered…Um, I think,” he said, and Johnny rolled his eyes, leaning further against him with half-closed eyes. Jaehyun felt the heat from his side seep into his clothes. _Johnny’s clothes_ , his brain amended.

Johnny hummed, his posture relaxed. “I bet you are, though,” he said leisurely, and Jaehyun tried to tell himself he didn’t know what he was talking about. “You have that whole ‘mild in the streets, wild in the sheets’ thing going on.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened and he coughed slightly, feeling his ears getting red. _What the fuck_. “Where--What?” he stammered, and Johnny snickered, pleased with himself. Jaehyun could feel the movement against him, though he didn’t dare look over.

“Sorry,” Johnny said, still giggling, and Jaehyun just shook his head because _how was this guy even real?_

“ _You’re_ wild,” was what he muttered instead. Johnny said he knew, and Jaehyun shoved him.

“Really, though, you dating anyone?” he asked, and Jaehyun wondered how he could sound so nonchalant. His mind revolved slowly, trying to figure out how to answer or even how much to answer.

“No,” he answered after a short while. “Not for a while, actually. I don’t have the best luck with commitment.”

Johnny nodded, and Jaehyun was suddenly reminded of their bodies pressed together against the wall. He wondered why it felt so natural to be so close to him. “I smell drama,” Johnny said, “lay it on me, man.”

Jaehyun laughed, leaning further into the wall and wiggling his toes in his shoes. Where the brick had warmed behind his back, it was cold against the back of his head. Grounding. “Nothing super interesting. My first girlfriend cheated on me in ninth grade, though we were literally fourteen so it wasn’t huge. Then I dated her friend later, but she was super religious and kept making not-great comments? So I kind of gave up on that,” he said with a smile, though Johnny couldn’t see it.

His breath caught as he tried to decide whether or not to continue. “There are some others in there, but I…Dated this guy a while later, but he was a little mean. Or maybe I was mean, I don’t remember. But, yeah, at this point I just stick to flings.”

Johnny made a noise of understanding. “Flings are good, sorry it’s been rough though.” 

They were quiet for a minute, but it was probably only a few seconds. As each second passed, Jaehyun felt himself wind up tighter, waiting for Johnny to say something, anything. He focused on the eye, his head buzzing slightly.

“Are you bi?” Johnny asked, and Jaehyun felt his pulse quicken. 

“Mhmm,” was all he said in response, worried about what might come out of his mouth if he said something else. He felt like he was on autopilot.

“Me too.” Jaehyun turned a little to glance at him. He hadn’t really expected that, and his mind reeled a little, backtracking.

“Yeah?” he asked carefully and Johnny nodded, smiling down at his lap. He was playing with the glass pipe, turning it around in his hand. 

“That’s cool.” Jaehyun wanted to kick himself because that was lame, but Johnny just huffed a small laugh. 

The air was tense between them and it crackled to life when Johnny shifted against him. He glanced over, the other’s face unbelievably close, and Jaehyun felt himself stop breathing as their eyes met. He could practically hear his own heartbeat, loud in his chest as his adrenaline spiked.

Johnny didn’t have the same look as that one night, this one was also different. It was just as charged, but tentative. They both knew there was new information, new boundaries, though who knew when they’d been put up. Jaehyun let his eyes flick down to Johnny’s mouth for the briefest fraction of a second before coming back up to meet his eyes. It would be so easy.

He knew this would happen, as it always seemed to, and he should have been used to it by now. It was almost too easy--he could just lean forward. He could just lean forward and… _And what?_ Kiss this guy he’d met in a parking lot, this guy that fit way too nicely into his life?

But objects at rest tend to stay at rest, and Jaehyun was anything but good with change. He let out a quiet breath, and he knew Johnny could feel it brush his face. He turned away, muttering a quiet “sorry.”

Johnny kept his eyes on him, replying, “‘s okay,” in barely a whisper.

They stayed that way, pressed together and sharing space as they stared in front of them. Jaehyun could still feel his heart pounding in his ears, and he willed it to stop. He didn’t want to think anymore, he wanted to sink into the floor and become one of the wood planks. That feeling crept up from his stomach into his throat, that cloud of anxiety and unnamed thing that ate away at all his barriers. Things felt too real.

“You okay?” Johnny asked quietly, though to Jaehyun he sounded almost underwater. 

“Yeah,” he said belatedly, nodding and taking a deep breath. “Sorry. I just started…Thinking. Too much. Nevermind,” he muttered. _That’s not an excuse_ , he thought, _he knows that. Why am I like this?_ He let out a laugh despite feeling like his body was descending rapidly into hell.

Johnny pressed his thigh against his own reassuringly, smiling with him, and Jaehyun let himself focus on the pressure and not on the feelings he knew were flowering deep inside him. This was not what was supposed to happen. It wasn’t spring yet. 

Just like out of a movie, the sounds of the outside world pulled them out of their little bubble, their surroundings crashing over Jaehyun like cold water. Over by the cans of spray paint, Yuta was holding his shoe and shrieking about something, waving it at Mark threateningly with a fierce grin. 

“Come back here, you gotta pay for new shoes now, bitch!” he yelled, and Jaehyun smiled as he watched them dash around the room, laughing.

He turned to look back at Johnny who was shaking his head, smiling. “Kids,” he said, and Jaehyun snorted.

Mark yelped, having been caught by Yuta as they grappled for the shoe. Mark said something unintelligible and Yuta laughed, the sound carrying across the space. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” Jaehyun heard him say, and Mark whined indignantly. He definitely thought they would stay in touch.

He and Johnny watched them tussle for a while, Jaehyun jokingly asking if they should intervene. Johnny snickered, shrugging airily with a grin. “Eh, they’ll figure it out.” Jaehyun agreed, and they eventually calmed down, collapsing again near their newly painted section of wall. 

Jaehyun’s eyes wandered around the room, looking at all the windows and plastic and glass. He wondered about the weather and about the tingle still lingering in his legs. Some things you just have to just let happen, huh? Jaehyun wondered if he really would figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for all the feedback and love, i'm so glad ya'll love this story as much as i do--it's so much fun to write! stay tuned!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i'm so sorry this is late, i had some stalling in the creative process and a pretty packed weekend! news though, i think this is gonna end up either 9/10 chaps, so we're almost there! dw, things will progress, i just love slow burn so damn much hahaa :))
> 
> other notes--anyone else love the idea of johnny being scared during horror movies? just me? okaayyy!

The thing about spring was that it was wet, and ultimately, wet meant rust; rusty tools and rusty drive shafts and rusty exhaust bolts. Jaehyun found himself back in his uncle’s garage, standing under his lifted Evo with a drill brush and a can of undercoating. Oh, the things he did for love. 

There was something so satisfying about working on something you’ve created and tweaked into your perfect creation. You know what it’s made of inside and out, though there are always things you might need to change and shape as you or the environment change.

Jaehyun stepped out from under the car, shaking the dust out of his hair and brushing it off his shoulders. Machinery noises and voices filled the space, and he thought about how the garage always reminded him of summer afternoons and adolescence. 

Wiping his hands on a towel, he sat on a stool by a bench, taking out his phone. He had at least seven emails from school, a reminder from himself to start his economics project, and an Instagram notification saying he’d been tagged in a photo. Jaehyun blinked curiously before opening it, a picture of the mill they’d visited popping up on his screen. Johnny had posted it, and he swiped through the photos, recognizing most of them. Mark and Yuta were in a few as well, laughing and ducking through dimly lit hallways.

He stopped when he swiped to a picture of himself leaning against a wrought iron railing, his profile visible as he looked across the huge room. Sunlight from one of the above windows illuminated half of his back. He had to admit it looked artsy. 

He was surprised when he swiped to another picture of himself, taken of his back in one of the big factory rooms. He was standing at one of the broken windows with his hands in his pockets, his shadow stretching sharply off to one direction next to him. He hadn’t known Johnny had taken it, and his gut wrenched a little. 

“Illicit activities :)” was the post’s caption, and Jaehyun smiled.

\---

Johnny laughed before flinching, sinking down into his sweatshirt with a groan. Jaehyun snickered, focused on the screen in front of them.

“Fuck,” Johnny muttered wryly, “I thought this would be more funny than scary. It’s still scary.”

Jaehyun scooted back against the headboard as one of the actors screamed. “You agreed to watch it with me, you gotta stick it out,” he said with a smile, and Johnny groaned as the killer appeared in the background. He shrugged himself down further so that his chin was inside his sweatshirt, and Jaehyun had to admit it was kind of adorable.

After a few days of not seeing each other, Jaehyun had invited Johnny over to watch a movie with him for his film class. Johnny had enthusiastically agreed--after all, it was a classic. After raiding the fridge and meeting Jaehyun’s mom and step-dad, they’d settled on Jaehyun’s twin bed with his computer balanced half on each of their laps. It was getting dark, and the room was beginning to lose light, the bright from the screen getting bluer. 

Johnny rubbed his hands down his face with a strangled laugh as the scene ended, and Jaehyun eyed him with a small grin. “I didn’t know this kind of stuff got you,” he said, and Johnny chuckled, shrugging and looking up at him from his slouched position.

“Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve always hated jump-scares and stuff, but I still think it’s fun to watch. I can’t believe I’ve never seen this movie though,” he said, and Jaehyun agreed, both of them turning their attention back to the computer.

Johnny was pressed pretty much completely against him, and Jaehyun found himself drifting between watching the film and focusing on the heat from Johnny’s thigh and shoulder. 

After another fifteen minutes, Ghostface rounded the corner and Johnny jumped, letting out a muffled noise of complaint. The cliche dramatic music swelled, and Johnny swore, squinting his eyes as if it would make it easier to watch. 

“How is this still scary, the whole point is that we know what’s supposed to happen,” he whined, and Jaehyun laughed, letting himself lean further into his side. 

Johnny let out a sigh when the movie ended, looking up at Jaehyun from where his hoodie was practically swimming around him. Jaehyun let out a giggle and Johnny scoffed, breaking out into laughter with him. 

“That was good, I liked it,” he said as he laughed, and Jaehyun nodded, moving the computer off their laps and off to the side. 

“Me too, though I think you were more fun to watch than the movie, man,” he muttered lightheartedly, and Johnny lifted a hand to smack at him, straightening up so he was taller than Jaehyun again. Jaehyun rolled away, and they laughed quietly together.

He rolled the rest of the way off the bed and stretched, feeling his knees pop and ignoring the feeling of eyes on him. It was almost seven, and Jaehyun looked out the window and could see the sunlight fading through the tree line in the distance. 

Glancing back, his eyes lingered on Johnny who was slowly climbing off the bed while checking his phone. It wasn’t that late, but Jaehyun wasn’t really sure what to do next, whether he should wait for Johnny to suggest something, or start something himself. He wondered at how comfortable it felt having him around and in his house, and thought about how he really didn’t want him to leave.

“Do you want to stay, do homework or something?” he asked, and Johnny looked up. “I have to write some stuff about the movie, but you should hang out. If you want, I mean,” he added, and Johnny’s lips quirked into a smile.

“Yeah, sure.” Jaehyun smiled back and they settled down again with books and computers, Jaehyun at his desk and Johnny on the bed again. Putting on some low-key music, Jaehyun spun himself around in his desk chair once before getting to his assignment, Johnny giving him an amused look from the other side of the room. They both hummed along to some Biggie and Frank Ocean as they worked, and Jaehyun felt relaxed; the kind of relaxed you felt when you knew things were running smoothly or in their right place. He couldn’t really explain it, but things felt _good_.

The sound of Johnny’s typing mixed with his own, and pretty soon an hour had passed, both of them working leisurely in the small bedroom. Jaehyun checked the time, thinking about what his week looked like assignment-wise and whether or not he should bother starting that economics power-point. 

He looked up from where he had his computer on his lap as Johnny sat up and stretched a little before flopping down on his back with a wiggle. Jaehyun felt his heart clench as he watched him, Johnny grinning back at him from where he was laying against his pillow like he belonged there. 

“This essay is kicking my ass and my hands hurt,” he said, and Jaehyun laughed.

“I feel you,” he answered, and Johnny closed his eyes against the bed with a content expression, the corners of his lips turned up. _Kind of like a cat_ , his mind interjected, and the thought made him smile.

Jaehyun heard his mom’s voice outside his room before he heard the knock, and he paused the music, calling out in question. His mom poked her head in, holding out their landline with an expectant smile. “Your dad wants to talk to you, just for a minute,” she said, and Jaehyun exhaled through his nose slowly.

“Can I call him back later?” he asked, glancing over at Johnny who wasn’t looking at either of them. “I’m working right now.”

His mom gave him an imploring look, and Jaehyun suppressed a sigh. Conversations with his dad never lasted just “a minute,” and he really wasn’t in the mood for obscure criticism. He gently returned her imploring look, jerking his head towards Johnny slightly. She shrugged and smiled, giving him a look that said “well I don’t want to talk to him either,” before closing the door behind her. Jaehyun listened to her voice fade down the hallway.

Silence stretched for a few seconds as Jaehyun thought about what his dad wanted to talk about, when he’d inevitably call him back, and why he felt significantly less relaxed than before.

“Sorry about that,” he said to Johnny, who looked up at him from where he’d crawled back to his computer.

“No, you’re good.” Johnny gave him a reassuring smile, though Jaehyun still felt like he should explain himself.

“My dad lives in California, with my, um, step-mom and their daughter,” he said, and Johnny nodded. “He’s flying over this weekend to visit and for work, so he’s been calling a lot, trying to set up things for us to do.” Johnny nodded again, his expression somewhat inquisitive.

“You don’t sound too excited,” he said quietly, and Jaehyun realized just how silent the room felt. 

He smiled and shrugged, playing with the bottom of his chair with a foot and wondering if he was easy to read. “I’m not.” Johnny exhaled a laugh with an expression that said “that’s fair.”

They ended up working for another half hour before Jaehyun’s mom came around again, asking Johnny if he wanted to stay for dinner. Johnny flashed his big grin, thanking her at least three times, and they eventually sat down to eat, his step-dad asking Johnny all sorts of questions that he answered enthusiastically.

For a second time, Jaehyun found himself wondering at how easy it felt having Johnny around, and he wondered if Johnny felt it too. Maybe he didn’t, maybe this just felt normal? Jaehyun wondered what that normal was supposed to be and if this was it. He decided to focus on his rice, and not on the way Johnny’s mouth curved when they made eye contact over the table.

\---

Jaehyun was at work when Johnny texted, asking if he was, in fact, working. Jaehyun said he was, and Johnny responded by asking what his Dunkin’ order was, along with his usual smiley face. 

_Just an iced latte ig_ , he typed. _Why?_

_I gotta go past ur walmart for work stuff and wanted to stop and say hi_

Jaehyun smiled, albeit a little surprised. The handful of times they’d met at Walmart weren’t necessarily planned, and he thought it was kind of nice that he wanted to stop by. The coffee was an added bonus.

_Whoa thanks, coffee sounds mad good rn haha_

_Dude np_ , Johnny responded, _when do u have a break?_

Jaehyun gave him a time and Johnny said he’d meet him by the loading area out back. Jaehyun spent a lot of his break time out there, and every time he went he thought of Johnny or the truck or something. Maybe he’d bring it up to him, the infamous start to their friendship.

When his break came around, he stepped out with a jacket and his usual cigarette. The weather was getting warmer, but the winds were still pretty cold. He spotted Johnny before Johnny saw him, rummaging around in his parked truck for something Jaehyun couldn’t see. He was wearing a hoodie over a turtleneck, and he’d gotten a haircut. Jaehyun thought it looked nice. 

He leaned against the concrete wall, lighting his cig and trying to justify why he wanted to just lay back and watch him. He could recognize the Deja Vu, and he resisted the urge to jokingly call out and ask if he was car-jacking. Johnny made his way over to the bay, two iced coffees in hand and a grin on his face. Jaehyun took a drag of his cigarette, grinning back.

“What’s good, man?” he asked as Johnny handed him his drink. He thanked him and took a sip, Johnny laughing at the appreciative noise he made.

“I’m okay,” he answered, “gonna go somewhere for work in a bit, and then I have a _meeting_.” He wiggled his eyebrows when he said “meeting,” and Jaehyun laughed. 

“That sounds very professional,” he said, and Johnny hummed around his coffee, smiling. “I like your haircut, by the way,” he added, raising the cigarette to his mouth. Johnny raised a hand to run it through his hair, a little shy.

“Ah, thanks. I was worried they would cut it too short, but it’s fine. I think I like it on the longer side, though,” he said, and Jaehyun nodded.

“Me too,” he said after a second, and Johnny eyed him with a small smile. 

There was a beat of silence, and then Jaehyun said, “This reminds me of when we met.” Johnny turned to him, his smile turning into a grin. 

“Shit, it does. I remember that day so clearly, I seriously thought you were gonna, like, report me or something.” Jaehyun snorted, thinking about it too.

“Not gonna lie, I considered it,” he joked around his straw, and Johnny shoved him lightly with a whine. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. That was funny, though, how we met.” 

He paused, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say next. Or if he wanted to say it at all, though being around Johnny seemed to make him feel like saying things he usually wouldn’t. “I’m glad we did. Meet, I mean. I like hanging with you, a lot.”

He wasn’t looking at Johnny so he couldn’t see his expression, but he guessed at what it was. “Me too,” Johnny answered simply, but he could hear the smile in his voice. He shoved him back, as if to say “that’s it?” and Johnny laughed. Jaehyun glanced over at him quickly, and his face said everything even if he hadn’t. Jaehyun looked away, lips creeping up into a smile.

“How ‘bout you, how’re things?” Johnny asked, and Jaehyun thought about it, fingering the cigarette in his hand. 

“Eh, things are fine,” he said, though it was comically unenthusiastic. “Not much happens here, as you’ve probably figured.” Johnny nodded. 

They watched the busy street that curved around the parking lots, and Jaehyun realized he was halfway through his coffee. “Did you say your dad was visiting this weekend? Is he here yet?”

Jaehyun nodded, swirling the coffee around in his cup. “Yeah, he got here yesterday. He’s staying in a big hotel or something, but he wants to get together tomorrow. And the next day. Honestly, I’m trying to come up with, like, excuses, so I don’t have to see him that much.”

Johnny made an affirming noise, and Jaehyun watched him scuff the concrete platform with his shoe. “You’re welcome to come to mine, or stay the night, anytime,” he said.

He had planned on asking Johnny if he could spend some time over there, but hadn’t gotten around to it. “Thanks, that’d be nice,” he answered, honestly a little relieved. 

“Yeah, man, you can come whenever, even tonight if you want. My dad just bought this Norweigan beer he wants everyone to finish? And Bear probably misses you,” he said, “it’s been a while since you’ve been over.”

Agreeing, Jaehyun took another drag of his cigarette, though he wasn’t really paying attention to it. “Yeah, tonight would be really nice actually. Means no awkward dinner with both families,” he said wryly, and Johnny huffed a laugh.

“Definitely, come over whenever, you can kick my ass at Mario Kart again.” Jaehyun laughed, thinking _you bet your sweet ass I will_.

He told him he’d head over in the afternoon, and they lapsed into casual conversation as Jaehyun finished his coffee, the straw making that vacuum sound. Johnny raised an eyebrow at him, looking his empty cup up and down. Jaehyun ignored him, taking the lid off and shaking half-melted ice cubes into his mouth. 

“You went through that fast,” Johnny said with a chuckle, and Jaehyun hummed as he chewed his ice. 

“I usually do, yeah, but I needed it,” he said, shaking the remaining ice in the cup and watching it. “I needed this,” he amended, looking over at Johnny and hoping he understood what he meant. “Thanks.”

Johnny grinned warmly, giving him a nod. “Glad to be of service. What time is your break over?” he asked, and Jaehyun took out his phone to check, swearing when he saw the time.

“Now,” he said with a laugh, and he thought about how much right then paralleled that first meeting. They exchanged goodbyes, Johnny making a joke about Jerry the manager when Jaehyun mentioned he was probably going to be late. 

Watching Johnny stride back towards his truck with his hands stuffed in his pockets, Jaehyun thought about all the times Johnny seemed to just know what he needed, whether it was support, drugs, or just relatable conversation. It was sort of nice how easily their personalities seemed to lace together.

Jaehyun thought about that, hesitating. He didn’t open the door to go back inside. 

He watched the other start the truck and slowly pull away, his hands working the wheel firmly as he drove around the corner. Even from a distance, he could see the way his hair still parted over his forehead, and the way his sleeves were rolled halfway up his forearms. Jaehyun knew he could probably see him watching, maybe in his rearview mirror, but he didn’t care. 

He felt himself settle into that empty feeling you got when the party was over, or when you drive home from a friend’s house by yourself--the come down from adrenaline, despite the caffeine beginning to circulate through his system. 

He should have been surprised, though he wasn’t, when the feeling quickly turned from cold to hot, something like want curling deep inside him like a small flame. Jaehyun exhaled, unsure whether he was happy he could name what he was feeling, or if it would lead him down a path he wasn’t sure he wanted to take. 

_Want what, exactly?_ he thought, watching Johnny’s red tail lights disappear around the corner. He hated that he knew the answer.

\---

Bear had definitely missed him, though they’d only met a handful of times, and Jaehyun found himself with a lap full of Rottweiler-Mastiff mix as he tried to get ahead in Mount Wario. To be very honest, he could barely feel the controller in his hands from how high he was, but he was trying and that was all that mattered.

“Dude. This is, like, some hard shit,” Johnny mumbled, slouched beside him with his face scrunched up and his glasses perched on his face. 

Jaehyun laughed at how fucked he looked, and they struggled together, laughing and jostling each other when someone wiped out. Jaehyun felt warm from his face to his toes, and seriously considered never leaving.

After losing count of how many games they’d played, Johnny stumbled up and declared he wanted food, and together they ventured into the kitchen. Even though he’d been around the house before, Jaehyun always felt surprised at how big it was, with their huge island and sprawling counters. He almost bumped into Johnny when he stopped in front of the fridge, and Johnny snickered at him.

“Careful, there,” he said with a goofy smile, and Jaehyun grinned back at him, letting his forehead fall onto his broad back as he felt around in the open fridge. 

Johnny’s back was warm, and he felt like the heat was melting into his very core. He realized he said that out loud when Johnny’s shoulders shook in a quiet laugh. “Glad you like it, babe,” he said teasingly, and Jaehyun felt like his insides were going to combust.

They made toaster waffles but didn’t feel like getting maple syrup or butter so they ate them plain. “We’re animals,” Johnny said, and Jaehyun laughed. Back on the couch, Jaehyun’s head spun lazily as he told Johnny about Jeno from work, and about another harassment accusation against Jerry.

“What a dick,” Johnny said around his third waffle, “let’s egg his house. Wait, you probably don’t know where he lives, let’s egg his car.” Jaehyun snickered, thinking about how that wasn’t a bad idea.

They were interrupted by Mark coming down the stairs and rounding the corner, an excited look on his face. 

“I was sleeping but I smell waffles, are there any left?” His eyes landed on Jaehyun and they lit up further. “Yo! What’s up, dude, how are you?”

He made his way over to the couch and they exchanged daps, Jaehyun handing him a waffle straight off the plate with his hands. “I’m good, man, super good,” he said with a stupid smile, and Mark laughed.

“You guys are high as fuck.” Johnny responded with a “yup,” and the three of them settled into the leather couch with the dwindling plate of waffles. Mark caught them up on his graduation process and some sports drama, and Jaehyun listened intently, trying to savor his last waffle. They talked for a while, Bear coming over to lick the plate, and Jaehyun felt his high start to coast comfortably.

“Oh, shit,” Mark said, “I almost forgot, Hyuck’s coming over in a little bit, we’re doing something for school.” 

Both Johnny and Jaehyun nodded before making eye contact. Jaehyun hadn’t seen him since the party, though he wouldn’t blame Donghyuck if he didn’t remember him at all. He himself had pretty much forgotten most of what had happened that night. Most of it. 

Johnny stretched, using a foot to rub against Bear who was sprawled at their feet. “Nice, do you guys want the TV, or like…” 

Mark said they would be fine, probably stay in his room. Apparently Donghyuck was sleeping over as well. Jaehyun wondered if they would ever hang out together, all as a group. 

Wiggling his fingers a bit, he thought about how fun it would be to get everyone together, everyone meaning Yuta, Mark, Johnny, and even Jungwoo and Winwin, along with any of Johnny’s other close friends. He hoped he’d get to meet more of them sometime. 

Mark asked him about how things were going, and Jaehyun gave him a similar spiel he’d given Johnny, about work, his car, and Jerry. Mark seemed genuinely concerned about the whole situation, and Jaehyun thought that was sweet. They ranted about who had the best ice cream selection, Walmart or BigY, and Johnny went off about his loyalty to Wally World, much to Mark’s dismay. 

Donghyuck came about an hour later, his voice carrying softly through the foyer as Mark went to meet him. Johnny glanced over at him as the atmosphere deflated a little, apprehensive. 

Donghyuck actually stopped mid-sentence when he saw Jaehyun, blinking rapidly before resuming, his eyes trained on anywhere but the couch he and Johnny were seated on. Jaehyun gave a halfhearted wave, though he knew Donghyuck wouldn’t see it.

After the two went upstairs, Johnny turned to him, an apologetic smile on his face. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, and Jaehyun shrugged.

“Yeah, I know, I just don’t want him to, like, think I’m upset? It really wasn’t a big thing, I still feel kind of bad.” 

Johnny nodded, his expression still a little hazy, and they fell into a comfortable silence. When he focused hard enough, the tingling in Jaehyun’s legs spread up his spine and through his scalp, the feeling sending shivers back down his body. He let his head fall against the back of the couch, his eyes following the wood beams that ran from one end of the ceiling to the other. It felt like the kind of high where time moved fast, but his thoughts seemed to be stuck underwater.

Resisting the urge to laugh at himself, he realized this would usually be one of those moments he'd look over and make eye contact with Johnny, both of them marinating in each other’s heated gaze while neither of them did anything about it. _Marinating_ , he thought, and this time he did laugh. 

“What,” Johnny mumbled, and Jaehyun looked over to see him practically asleep against the couch with a small smile on his face.

“Nothing. Wanna watch something?” he drawled, and Johnny nodded, pushing himself up to grab at the remote. They surfed through cable, laughing at some of the crap TV and eventually landing on Family Guy, seemingly appropriate for their given situation. Jaehyun let one foot rest against Johnny’s leg as he sank back into the arm of the couch.

A while later, Jaehyun found himself on his feet as he poked around the kitchen looking for a glass. Every cabinet seemed to have something glass-like, but no basic water glasses. He finally found one in a corner cabinet, though he swore he’d checked there first.

A sound in the doorway made him turn, and he was met with Donghyuck’s wide eyes in the kitchen entrance. Somewhere in Jaehyun’s mind, he wondered why these things always seemed to happen in kitchens. He straightened, feeling himself sober up significantly.

“Oh, sorry,” Donghyuck said quietly, looking a bit like a deer in headlights.

“No, you’re good. Donghyuck, right?” he asked amiably, even though he absolutely knew his name. Donghyuck let out a small laugh, eyes cast downwards.

“Yeah, I--Well, I guess that means you remember me,” he said with a smile. Jaehyun wasn’t really sure how to respond to that, so he just laughed awkwardly.

They stood there, unmoving, for a good few seconds until Jaehyun couldn’t stand it anymore. “Can I get you anything, like water or anything?” he asked, despite it not being his house. He tried not to wince at how awkward this was getting.

“Oh, right, I just--” Donghyuck made to walk further inside but stopped, grimacing slightly. He seemed to shrink a little bit, and Jaehyun kind of wanted to give him a hug. 

“Look, I--um, I just wanted to apologize? For that night?” he started, fiddling with the edge of his shirt. “I really don’t know what I was thinking, and that was super inappropriate, like, I didn’t even know you and you probably thought I was desperate or something and--”

Jaehyun waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head. “No, no, you don’t need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong. I actually feel kinda bad about what I said to you. That wasn’t any of my business, and, like…” he trailed off, not sure what else to say.

Donghyuck smiled at him, and Jaehyun noticed how different he looked under the bright kitchen lights as opposed to dim purple ones. He looked so young.

“No, it’s okay, I…Needed to hear that, I think,” he said, looking a little embarrassed. 

Jaehyun nodded hesitantly, and they fell into a slightly less awkward silence. Donghyuck moved around him to get a glass, filling it at the tap and resting against the counter. For some reason, Jaehyun felt like he was watching something from behind a screen, like he wasn’t actually there. Probably the weed.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy, you know?” Donghyuck said quietly, and Jaehyun looked up, surprised. His expression was somewhat amused, though Jaehyun could see his lips pressed into a thin line. “I don’t know why I even try anymore, though I’m not really sure I’ll ever be able to…Stop trying.” His voice trailed off into almost a whisper. 

Jaehyun could read between the lines: _let go_. He leaned against the center island and watched him, nodding slowly as he tried to figure out where this was coming from. It dawned on him that maybe Donghyuck didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, and that Jaehyun was one of the few who’d ever said anything. 

“You’re not crazy,” he responded, his voice just as quiet. “Maybe he doesn’t see it and maybe he won’t ever see it, but that’s not on you.”

Donghyuck raised his gaze to meet Jaehyun’s, giving him a grateful smile and nodding. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mark was the only one who didn’t know.” He made a sort of strangled noise, gripping his glass and the counter. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m spilling my heart out to you, we pretty much just met.”

Jaehyun smiled, shaking his head. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. If you ever, like, need someone? To talk to or to just listen. Let me know.” He hoped he wasn’t overstepping, but Donghyuck nodded again and Jaehyun could see him visibly relax. 

Back in the living room, Johnny watched Donghyuck round the corner, waving before disappearing upstairs and leaving Jaehyun to flop back onto the couch. Johnny threw up a tentative thumbs-up, eyebrows raised in question, and Jaehyun returned one with a smile. 

\---

Johnny’s parents had come home late the night before, making food and letting the boys head off by themselves to eat on the porch. The four of them had broken out the Norweigan beer, and it had been good, the warm buzz mingling with the remaining high as they talked. 

He and Donghyuck had fallen into natural and lively conversation, and Jaehyun realized he really liked him, with his bright voice and sarcastic humor. He was glad Donghyuck felt comfortable around him, comfortable enough to be himself and to trust him with whatever mess he’d been dealing with for so long. 

When Jaehyun woke the next morning, the last fleeting image of his dream slipped away and he frowned, trying to bring it back and thinking about how familiar it had seemed. Maybe it was the surroundings being the same that made him have the same dream or something. Maybe the universe still wanted him to think about something. _It’s too early to be thinking about that_ , he thought with a grimace.

It was earlier than Jaehyun usually got up, though he didn’t question it. He meandered around the upper floor as he got ready, poking his head in Johnny’s room on his way downstairs. The room was empty except for rumpled sheets, and he could smell coffee coming from the kitchen. The house had a serene feeling as he descended, and he could hear birds. 

His socked feet didn’t make much noise on the hardwood floors, and he found himself in the kitchen entry, Johnny facing away from him as he did something with an espresso machine. He was wearing a university pullover and loose-fitting jeans, his hair a little messy, and Jaehyun wondered why he always seemed to notice what he was wearing. He wondered if Johnny did the same thing.

He found himself sort of breathless. He didn’t dare move, just stood there against the wide door frame as Johnny calmly set out some novelty mugs, the sound clinking around the quiet room. Jaehyun’s heart steadily rose into his throat, and he tried to remember to breathe. 

Seeing him there, the glow from the sink window lighting up his front and glinting on his dark hair, the smell of coffee surrounding them and filling the whole first floor, Bear laying in a square of sun somewhere by the porch screens, made something raw churn inside him. All the brown tones from the kitchen and dining room made everything feel warm, and Jaehyun felt like it was totally engulfing him. 

He couldn’t look away, transfixed by the way the ends of Johnny’s hair shone a red color in the sun, and the way his fingers bent and extended as they moved around the glossy counter. 

He looked so good, tall and genteel and engrossed in whatever the hell he was doing with the machine, and Jaehyun wished he could spend the whole morning standing and watching him be so natural in a space. He could almost imagine himself next to him, seeing that glow up close while they made coffee.

_Handsome_ , he thought to himself, and maybe something inside him broke when he thought that. _Really fucking handsome_. Rooted to the floor, he felt himself grasping for reasons to tell himself no, to tell himself this wasn’t the time, the place, to be piecing together whatever he was feeling in that moment. Whatever he had been feeling, as he'd be lying if he said this was a new development. 

He was shocked out of his trance when Johnny eventually turned, doing a double take when he saw Jaehyun leaning in the doorway. He raised an eyebrow, his lips curving up, and Jaehyun matched his small smile as his heart hammered in his chest.

“Have you just been standing there, staring, while I make coffee?” he asked, his voice warm and low. 

Jaehyun huffed a laugh, shrugging. “Maybe.” 

Johnny chuckled softly, turning back to the machine and pouring the coffee into cups. Jaehyun strode further inside, sitting gently on one of the island stools as he watched. Johnny turned back, handing him a mug which he took, holding the handle and side with sleeved hands and smiling up at him. Johnny smiled back, joining him at the island.

“It’s nice to hear the birds, right? I feel like it’s been so long,” Johnny said, blowing on his steaming mug. 

Jaehyun nodded, and they watched through the sink window as Chickadees and Cardinals landed on and took off from budding branches. He felt like he was in a Hallmark card. Jaehyun loved winter, but there was something about spring that was undeniably beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoooooo
> 
> stay safe, ya'll <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for how late these chapters are getting, i promise i'm working on it and just need some time! also, this is gonna end up 9 chapters instead of 10, so we're in the final stretch! thank you to all of you guys who have supported this so far, it's been so damn fun!
> 
> side note, i went through the whole fic again and oh my jesus there are so many typos i'm so fuckin sorry! i promise i passed ap lang! i tried to fix all of them, so sorry if i missed any

Jaehyun pumped his foot against the asphalt as he cruised down one of the side streets towards town. The road wasn’t too old, but it definitely wasn’t smooth, and his wheels jolted over the cracks. Probably wasn’t good for his knees. He had his earbuds in and his phone out as he pulled up the familiar contact, pressing “call” and tucking the phone away to hold the mic to his mouth.

Yuta answered on the second ring. _“What’s up, bitch?”_ he asked, and Jaehyun grinned.

“Hey, not much. I’m riding to the corner store right now, get a drink, maybe hang out at the park.” Yuta hummed, and Jaehyun rolled to a stop at an empty intersection before pushing off onto a sidewalk.

_“Nice, heh, I can hear your board. Don’t let me get you hit though, ambulances are fuckin’ expensive.”_

Jaehyun promised he wouldn’t, chuckling. They caught up a bit as he got closer to town, Yuta telling him about his weekend and his roommate’s latest antics. Jaehyun hadn’t heard about Yuta’s elusive roommate in a while, and he laughed at how much they clashed. Jaehyun had suggested multiple times for him to just switch rooms, but he’d refused, saying he “had to prove a point.”

_“How was your dad, he leave yet?”_ he asked as Jaehyun reached another intersection. He sighed, guessing Yuta knew this wasn’t just a pleasantry call. He usually called after spending time with that side of his family, sometimes for advice. Mostly to vent.

“Yeah, he left a few days ago. It wasn’t too bad, I stayed with Johnny for a few days to get away, but he and I did some stuff together. Dinner, and then we hiked the mountain.” Jaehyun’s dad liked to pretend he enjoyed the country.

Yuta made an affirming noise that turned up at the end in question. _“Johnny, yeah?”_ he said, his voice gruff and teasing. Jaehyun laughed, agreeing. _“Nice, sucks about the hike though.”_

“Yeah.” He paused, focusing on his board as he rode across a crosswalk and around a person walking. “He’s so detached, it’s kind of funny when he talks about things. It’s like ‘what do you mean you still work at Walmart,’ though he doesn’t say Walmart, he always says ‘that department store.’” Yuta laughed, clicking his tongue once.

“When we were hiking, he said I should work on moving to a better neighborhood as soon as possible, said he didn’t like seeing me hold myself back, with school and everything. That he just wants the best. Like, I didn’t even know how to answer that.” 

_“Seriously? Fuck him, he says the same shit every time, too. I hope you told him to shove his summer home up his ass.”_

“Hah, I wish. He got on my ass about the car, too, said I was wasting my money. I had an answer for that one, though.” Yuta laughed, and Jaehyun reached the convenient store, hopping off his board and grabbing it as he swung inside.

The store had never changed in the years he’d visited, and that was comforting. It was kind of grimy and was always out of Doritos, but Jaehyun always felt like he was in one of those coming of age movies when he went in, like at any moment he might run into his love interest or his arch nemesis.

Yuta asked what he was going to get and Jaehyun hummed, moving down the isles to stand in front of the fridges and picking out a peach Red Bull, telling him so. 

“I’m glad it’s over, though, I actually told him I wasn’t up for going out that much with him. I thought he’d get all up in arms about it, but he backed off which was nice.”

_“Good, I’m glad. You’re busy enough without his unsolicited opinions.”_ Jaehyun tucked his phone against his shoulder as he paid, waving to the guy at the register as he left the store. _“But dude, how’s Johnny? And Mark, I liked him, he was funny.”_

Yuta’s voice was suggestive and Jaehyun grinned as he walked down the street with his board. “He’s good, so’s Mark. He’s graduating in, like, a month, which is so weird. It’s weird watching other people do what we did, even though it wasn’t even that long ago. But yeah, we got high a lot, but that’s about it. That and work, we both did homework.” He knew Yuta was expecting drama, but there honestly hadn’t been much.

_“Aww, that's it? I was hoping you’d say you guys had hot sex in his childhood bedroom or something.”_ Jaehyun’s eyes bugged a little and he groaned.

“What the fuck, no,” he responded, voice pitching, and Yuta laughed.

_“I’m kidding,”_ he teased, _“though I bet your ears are mad red right now.”_

Jaehyun told him to fuck off, and Yuta laughed again. His ears were probably very red, and he was trying very hard not to think about Johnny’s childhood bedroom.

Walking through a parking lot towards the skate park, Jaehyun settled on a bench overlooking the newly-green grass around it. Some kids from his highschool were sessioning the ramps and he waved when one called out to him in greeting. 

He paused for a long second, playing with his board on the ground with a foot, and felt something stir in his gut. _It definitely crossed my mind, though_ , he thought reluctantly, _more than once._

The more time he spent with Johnny, the more he was starting to accept that the way he felt around him was not exactly platonic. And while the thought scared him a little, he was trying to keep a level head about it, though a small part of him knew that probably wasn’t what he was supposed to do. You’re supposed to follow your heart with this stuff, right?

“About that, though, um. I think I’m…I think…,” he trailed off with a chuckle, and Yuta’s mhmm vibrated in his ear. 

He hesitated, suddenly frustrated with himself, frustrated at why it was so hard for him to deal with his feelings, even around his closest friend. Jaehyun heard quiet shuffling on the other end of the line as he struggled for words. 

_“Hey, don’t worry about it, I think I know what you’re trying to say. You don’t have to talk about it if you haven’t figured everything out,”_ Yuta said, and Jaehyun wondered how someone could know him better than he knew himself. _“Don’t hold it in if you’re feeling something, though, dude. I know you do that a lot, even if it’s not intentional.”_

Jaehyun hummed, nodding slowly to the sound of skateboards on concrete. “Yeah, I--Yeah. Thanks. I feel like I should be better at this whole…Thing, but I guess not.” 

Yuta huffed a laugh, saying, _“Honestly who is. But seriously, don’t worry about it. Just go with what feels right or whatever, and if you ever need someone to think it over with, let a bitch know.”_ Jaehyun smiled, leaning back against the bench.

“Thanks, man. I miss our beanbag chair talks, we used to talk about some wild shit.” Yuta laughed, and Jaehyun watched someone ride a rail across from him in the park. “Remember when you got suspended after you and Alex had that fight and you broke his nose?”

Yuta barked a laugh, saying he remembered. _“Dude, that was wack. But you seriously came over, like, every day. What a homie. I honestly probably wouldn’t have talked to him again if it wasn’t for you, sometimes I feel like you’re the only one between us who actually thinks things through.”_ Jaehyun laughed lightly, remembering the days they’d spent in Yuta’s room as he ranted out all his frustration.

Growing up, Jaehyun had been amazed at how expressive Yuta was; he was always saying what he thought and how he felt. As inseparable as they were, he agreed with people on how largely their personalities tended to differ. He and Yuta talked about it sometimes, joking about how they filled in where the other sometimes lacked, whether it was rational thinking or emotional intelligence. Yuta once said they’d make it big as criminals.

Jaehyun kicked his feet in the grass as their conversation stretched on, flipping his hood up when the breeze got cool. He told him about running into Donghyuck in Johnny’s kitchen and how they bonded a bit, and Yuta told him about a big art project he was starting, which eventually turned into him talking about his hot professor again. He snickered as Yuta lamented about his grade in the class, though Jaehyun could guess where his attention had been.

_“Hey, I gotta shower and you probably want to get skating.”_ Jaehyun hummed, stretching and grabbing his board as he stood. He eyed the ramps with a smile.

They said their goodbyes, Yuta telling him to pass on a “hi” to Johnny, and Jaehyun headed towards the pavement. 

\---

_Wait do u evr like do cool things in ur car??_

Jaehyun was in bed when he got the text out of the blue, and he blinked at it with a small smile.

_Um i guess_ , he responded, _tho not any fast and furious shit, i dont close down the streets at night with my crew or anything_

_Haha yeah but like what, have you ever drag raced??_

He laughed, imagining Johnny laying in bed as well, looking all giddy as he typed.

_I have a few times but cops here aren’t big fans haha. I do donuts sometimes, but havent in a while_

_:O dude thats sick! i’ve never done one, im kinda scared of maybe killing my truck lmao_

That was how Jaehyun found himself in an empty parking lot at one in the morning with Johnny in the passenger seat, his hands firmly gripping the wheel as he drifted in controlled circles. He heard Johnny yelling profanities over the sound of squealing tires, and he grinned. 

It had been longer than he’d thought, maybe two years, since he’d done stuff like this, and it felt absolutely great. Johnny whooped as Jaehyun swerved to a stop, smoke from the tires enveloping the car before dissipating to show the dark lot and empty shopping center. It would be eerie if Jaehyun wasn’t distracted by the adrenaline hot in his veins. 

Johnny turned to him slack-jawed, still gripping the door. “Holy fuck, that was amazing!” 

Jaehyun laughed, a little breathless himself. The car felt almost deafeningly quiet without the sound of burning rubber, and the music that had been playing slowly filtered back into his awareness. 

“Dude, no, let’s go again,” Johnny said, his eyes locked with Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun had his foot on the clutch before Johnny had even finished speaking, dragging the wheel in the opposite direction and letting the car accelerate and drift in tight circles again. Johnny laughed beside him over the sound of the tires, and he realized he was laughing too. 

Letting the wheel out, he widened his circles until he could see the black marks curving all over the asphalt. He glanced over, soaking in the wide grin taking up the whole of Johnny’s face, and felt his heart swoop into his stomach.

After rolling to a stop and letting out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, he looked over at Johnny again with a big smile. He was smiling back at him, his eyes curving into crescents.

“Good?” Jaehyun asked, because he couldn’t really think of anything else to say at that moment. 

“Are you fucking kidding, that was so cool,” he answered, and Jaehyun could see how the headlights reflected in his eyes. The smell of rubber was thick, and he felt a little lightheaded, in a good way. 

“You wanna try? I-It’s not hard, I can show you.”

Johnny’s eyebrows shot up, and he opened his mouth just to close it again. “You serious?” he asked, and Jaehyun nodded, going to unbuckle his seatbelt. “What if I, like, wreck your car or something?”

Jaehyun chuckled, shaking his head. “Nah, I trust you. Plus, you gotta be able to say you’ve done it yourself, right?” 

Johnny let out a breathy laugh, and they switched seats, Johnny running his hands up and down the wheel gingerly, almost lovingly. Jaehyun laughed, listing off instructions while Johnny nodded, the grin back on his face.

The car jerked a little as he stepped on the clutch, but soon he could whip the car around in a few tight turns at a time, swearing excitedly each time. It was maybe a little sexy.

Johnny took a break after a while, panting slightly from the adrenaline and practically vibrating in his seat. “This is, like, unbelievably cool,” he said, turning to him and beaming. Jaehyun wondered if his face ever hurt from smiling so much. 

Jaehyun could still hear the blood rushing in his ears, and he licked his lips. “Yeah, don’t hold back,” he said, tilting his chin towards the wheel. “Go for it.”

\---

That weekend was supposed to be the warmest yet, and Jaehyun was actually excited. Oh, and the school year was over, that was pretty nice too.

April had come and gone with finals, and now, what time he usually spent at school he spent at Walmart, picking up a few more shifts. He didn’t mind, he liked staying busy. Jeno always complained whenever they shared a shift, saying it wasn’t fair he still had another month at school. 

School being over also meant most of his friends were back, and pretty soon he was back at Eddie’s sitting across from Jungwoo and Yuta, with Sicheng, his girlfriend, and a few other friends around the table beside him. They caught up as they ate, Jaehyun smiling into his Sprite as Jungwoo reenacted something from one of the last parties at his college. He snickered as Jungwoo nearly spilled his drink onto the lacquer tabletop as he waved his hands around, eyes wide.

“And the guy I was with just starts chugging what was left of the Smirnoff, like, as everyone’s running out of the house,” he said, and Yuta leaned into him with a grin, stealing a fry off his plate.

“Dude, were they cops or staties? Shit, I’ve never had cops turn up to a party, kind of glad though,” Sicheng said, and Jungwoo shrugged with a miffed expression.

“No, like, I don’t even remember how I got home,” he said, giggling afterward and making everyone laugh. 

Yuta wrapped an arm around him, squeezing. “I hate staties, they have sticks up their asses.”

Jaehyun fished through his fries for the best ones, listening to everyone swap stories and talk about how good it was to have free time again. He loved Eddie’s, with its jerseys pinned around each dimly lit room, and its beer tap handles lining the ceiling. Jaehyun’s favorite was one shaped like a wizard.

Everyone was back living in town, most people with their parents aside from Sicheng who was living with his girlfriend about an hour away. Jaehyun was a little jealous they had their own apartment, though he knew he could go visit any time. 

Over the years, their group of friends had changed around, losing some members and gaining some, but every time they got back together it was like no time had passed. Everyone would just pick up where they last left off, and it was something Jaehyun tried not to take for granted. Sometimes, he wondered if they would still get together like this when they were much older, like in their fifties or sixties. He could imagine Yuta as an old man, still wearing his leather jacket, or Winwin in his wire-rim glasses. They could be like The Golden Girls, but old and mostly Asian men. 

“Did finals go okay for you guys? I think I might have bombed at least one, but yeah, at least they’re over,” Sicheng’s girlfriend Erin asked, and everyone groaned.

“Rough,” Yuta said with a laugh, “I always feel like I’m more prepared than I am, and then you get there and it’s like, fuck. They were also harder than last year which is dumb, like they expect us to be learning and growing or some shit.”

Everyone laughed, Jaehyun included. “At least we don’t have freshman reqs though, if I had to take another calculus final I would not be here right now,” he said with a chuckle, and everyone agreed.

“At least you’d have Johnny to help you with math and all, dude,” Yuta said around his burger, quieter and probably intended for just him. 

Jaehyun chuckled again because he hadn’t thought of that. Johnny had actually helped him a bit with his economics final, and he’d done well. Jungwoo tilted his head at him with a smile that made Jaehyun roll his eyes. 

“Johnny?” he asked sweetly, swirling his drink around in his glass. 

“Yeah, Jaehyun made a friend,” Yuta said with a wink in his direction. Jaehyun kind of hoped no one else saw it, but he gave Yuta a resigned grin anyways. Smug bastard.

“I met him at work and we’ve been hanging out. He always has weed, so we smoke a lot or just do fun stuff. Play games or just…Do things together. Neither of us really like being at home all that much, so we spend a lot of time together. He’s really cool, you guys’d like him.” Everyone made noises of acceptance, and a waitress brought one of their friends a drink he’d asked for.

“Yeah, I met him once. He looks like one of those cool, young history professors, he’s actually really sweet,” Yuta chimed in, and Jaehyun gave him an incredulous look.

“What? Wait, actually, you’re not wrong,” he said with a laugh, really thinking about it. He imagined Johnny leaning against a desk in a tight turtleneck and glasses. Huh. “He wears a lot of turtlenecks. The rest of the time, though, he looks like he’s out of a ‘90s music video or something, like, he actually owns a drug rug.” 

Jungwoo said he should bring him to hang out with them the next time they got together, and they spent the next half hour loudly reminiscing about 2018 fashion.

\---

“I’m out of Lucky Charms,” Johnny said, hands folded behind his head as they lay together on the river bank. Jaehyun looked over from where he was squinting at his phone and hummed. Johnny’s eyes were closed and the sun was making his skin glow.

“That’s no good, gotta get more. Cereal is your life source, dude,” he said with a smile and Johnny chuckled, shifting on his towel and nodding.

It was the weekend, and following Jungwoo’s brief suggestion, he’d invited Johnny to hang at the river with a few friends. It was something they’d done since middleschool, and he was glad the weather looked like it would stay this warm. 

The river wasn’t that big, maybe waist-deep in the middle, but the banks were sunny and generally clean so a lot of people spent time there during the summer and fall. It was almost an integral part of their town life, spending time there as a teenager. Jaehyun’s parents had gone when they were in highschool.

Johnny had agreed immediately when he’d asked, showing up with his truck and five six-packs of Corona Light, not to mention his blinding grin. He’d integrated with the group immediately, not that Jaehyun was surprised; his smile was contagious, and he had that simultaneously enthusiastic and laid back energy people gravitated to. He was that person everyone wanted to talk to at a party. Plus, he was legal and had brought beer. Good beer, at that.

Jaehyun sat up to sip said beer as he watched Johnny laid out on his towel. He was shirtless and clad in red swim trunks, and Jaehyun’s already buzzed brain was having a hard time looking away. His biceps flexed where his arms were folded, and Jaehyun’s eyes zeroed in on the residual beads of water on his collarbones and in the ridges of his stomach muscles. Planes of tan muscle. _I bet his skin tastes good_ , he thought, and immediately wanted to unthink it. 

As if he could feel him looking, Johnny hummed, lifting a hand to run it through his hair. He cracked an eye open, squinting and turning slightly to look at Jaehyun who lifted his gaze from the rest of him to stare straight back. Jaehyun’s eyes widened slightly at being caught and Johnny lifted an eyebrow, a small smile spreading across his face. He could practically hear Johnny in his head, saying something like “you like what you see?” or “enjoying the view?”

He didn’t say either of those things, instead smiling broader and licking his bottom lip as he leaned back into his folded arms, closing his eyes again. Jaehyun watched the muscles along his ribs and pecs stretch with his arms, and decided he did like what he saw and that he was, in fact, enjoying the view. _God, I’m hopeless_ , he thought, and chugged the rest of his beer.

Warmth from the alcohol and the weather settled in his stomach, and he sighed, watching Jungwoo float on his back as Travis Scott played from his speaker. Sicheng and Erin were on the bank near them, engrossed in whatever people in love talked about. Jaehyun looked back over at Jungwoo who seemed oblivious of everything that wasn’t clouds or birds.

“Don’t drown, man,” he called teasingly, and Jungwoo lifted his head with a lopsided grin and gave him a thumbs up. He was a lightweight.

Johnny stirred next to him again and Jaehyun looked over lazily, taking a moment to appreciate the view all over again. 

“You wanna go back in?” he asked, and Jaehyun huffed.

“Mmm. It’s so warm here, though.” Johnny shrugged and stretched before swaying to his feet and towering over Jaehyun with a somewhat sleazy smile. Jaehyun’s head swam as his eyes followed the lines of his body up and up.

“We can be warm later. Water now,” he said, reaching out a hand for him. 

Jaehyun craned his neck to give him an unimpressed look, but he took it, letting Johnny do most of the pulling as he stood up.

As soon as he was standing, Johnny bent down to swoop under him and lift him over his shoulder with a little laugh. Jaehyun yelped as his world tilted, but Johnny’s hands anchored him firmly, one on his back and one on the back of his thigh. They felt heavy on his bare skin, and Johnny’s own bare shoulder and back were hot against his chest.

“Johnny, put me down,” he whined, and Johnny just laughed, casually walking them towards the river. 

The hand on his thigh tightened, and Jaehyun could feel his face getting hot from being upside down, and also maybe from all the skin. He flailed a little, though he knew he wouldn’t slip, and tried to figure out where the hell he was supposed to put his hands. Johnny started wading into the river, and Jaehyun groaned when he realized he was probably about to be thrown in. 

“Dude, do _not_ ,” he warned between laughs, and Johnny patted him on the butt lightly before promptly tossing him forward into the water.

Jaehyun flinched at the cold, gasping when he surfaced and brushing his hair back out of his face. Johnny was standing over him with a goofy smile that made his eyes disappear, and honestly, Jaehyun couldn’t be mad if he tried. He heard Sicheng laughing from the bank.

“You’re literally the worst,” he said as he stood up, wiping the water out of his eyes. 

Johnny snickered, and Jaehyun reached out to grab at him, Johnny jumping away with a squeal. Jaehyun caught him, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling them both down into the water with a cold splash. Laughing, Johnny shoved at him, shaking his now-wet hair and staying partially submerged. The water was starting to feel warmer, and Jaehyun dunked underneath to swim around. 

He and Johnny swam further in, splashing each other like toddlers and making jokes. Jungwoo joined them, and the three of them ended up floating on their backs to Kanye West, feet anchoring them against the current. Jaehyun now understood the appeal, attention getting lost in the sky.

“I really think they might get married,” Jungwoo said after a few minutes of quiet, and Jaehyun looked over at him, asking, “Who?”

Jungwoo looked over at where Sicheng and Erin were leaning into each other with beers in hand, and Jaehyun’s eyebrows shot up. “Huh. I never really thought about it.”

Jungwoo sighed, closing his eyes again as he floated in a little circle in place. Johnny looked from the two on the bank to Jaehyun in question, and Jaehyun explained. “They’ve been dating since junior year, I think. They’re, like, really in love. He really loves her. Jungwoo’s probably right,” he added, and Johnny nodded thoughtfully.

They floated in silence for a minute before anyone said anything. “I keep forgetting that’s something people in their twenties do,” Johnny said quietly. “Like, we graduate and get jobs and then get married. That’s weird. Only old people get married.” 

Jaehyun giggled, his core still a little warm from drinking. “Yeah, like you, John.” He felt water being flicked at him and he whined, wiping it off his face.

The sun didn’t have much canopy to shade them, and somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if he’d get a sunburn. The warmth was nice, though, and he let his eyes close against the glare. 

“I’m gonna get another beer, you guys want one?” 

Jaehyun looked up at Johnny who was standing, motioning towards his truck. He and Jungwoo both nodded, and he flashed a smile before turning to walk, water rivulets running down from his hair and down the lines of his back. He was definitely blatantly staring, but he didn’t really give a shit. 

“Whoa, Johnny’s thick,” Jungwoo mumbled, and Jaehyun snickered, floating closer to him. _Well, he’s not wrong_. Jungwoo grinned at him lazily with half-closed eyes, and Jaehyun wondered if he really needed another drink. 

Jungwoo looked like he was asleep when Johnny made his way back, and Jaehyun watched him intently as he waded closer, three bottles with him. Johnny eventually met his gaze and wiggled his eyebrows at him, lips curving up. Jaehyun stared back, feeling adventurous and giving him a very obvious once over. Something that definitely wasn’t alcohol swirled in his gut. 

When his eyes made their way back up to his face, Johnny’s smile widened and he winked at him. His heart did a little flip and he pursed his lips to hide his smile, looking away. He knew he was still smiling, and Johnny returned it as he handed him the beer. Their fingers brushed, and Jaehyun kind of wanted to scoff.

They kept floating, Jungwoo getting drunker and starting to slur about wanting a puppy. “Woo, you’re allergic to dogs,” Jaehyun said, and he made a dramatic noise in response.

“Don’t fuckin’ care, I wanna little dog. Lil’ baby dog, they’re so fuckin’ cute.” Johnny laughed, and Jaehyun thought about Bear, though he wasn’t exactly a “little” dog.

“If you ever make it to my house, you can meet my big dog,” Johnny said. “He’s really sweet, loves cuddles.” 

Jungwoo cooed, making grabby hands at an imaginary dog. Jaehyun hoped they would get together again. Enough hoping, though, he could just ask. He knew Johnny would want to.

“Hey, are you staying at home for the whole summer?” he asked, turning the bottle around in his hand, and Johnny nodded.

“Yeah. This is probably the last summer, though, I think an apartment is becoming necessary.” Jaehyun nodded, returning Johnny’s wry expression. “The internship is still on, though, so I got work which is good.”

They talked more about summer plans, eventually ending up back on the river bank. The speaker was still playing in the background, and Jaehyun let himself drift off as he lay there, warmth buzzing through him pleasantly. This was a hell of a way to start the summer. 

He could hear Sicheng and Johnny talking about something next to him, and he focused on the familiarity of both their voices, though they were familiar in different ways. It was still so light out, and Jaehyun realized the days were getting longer. He wondered when the summer solstice was.

He heard his phone chime somewhere and he fumbled for it, reading a somewhat blurry text from his mom and one from a coworker asking about shifts. He ended up sucked into a hole of his explore page, and against his better judgement, found himself going through Johnny’s profile, even though he was right next to him. He’d been through it before, obviously, but he scrolled through again, even reaching as far as Johnny’s highschool years. He poked around on Mark’s and Donghyuck’s pages as well, having followed them a while before. 

His focus swam in and out as he scrolled. Dropping his phone on his chest and letting his head fall back, he watched the clouds for a bit before realizing the dull chatter from around him had ended and it was pretty quiet. He heard Erin mumble something, but he didn’t hear Johnny. He turned that over in his head, his not-sober brain supplementing images of the man as he concluded he missed his voice. 

Turning a little, he looked over to where Johnny was sitting up, leaning back on both hands and…Watching him. Johnny’s eyes met his and twitched slightly, like he was resisting the urge to look away, but he held his gaze with an almost serious face. Jaehyun felt his pulse spike when his expression didn’t change--no casual smile or teasing smirk, just hooded and deliberate. He could see his eyes flicking back and forth between his own and Jaehyun swallowed, trying to find the breath he had seemingly lost. His gaze felt so heavy.

Johnny tilted his head so he could look Jaehyun straight on from where he was lying, and Jaehyun’s eyes bounced around from feature to feature; the wet strands of Johnny’s hair, his cheekbones, his cupid’s bow, the way he blinked at him when Jaehyun licked his lips. His heart seemed to want to be anywhere but in his chest, and Jaehyun almost wanted to lift a hand to check if it was even still there. 

He let his eyes settle on Johnny’s lips when he spoke, his voice low and steady. “You know, you’re really something.”

Jaehyun processed that, smiling a little despite feeling like every cell in his body was heating up. _What exactly does that mean?_ Johnny gave him a tiny smile back, just the corners, but it was tight-lipped. He suddenly felt really damn nervous, and he opened his mouth to respond, closing it when he realized he had no idea what to say. 

Averting his eyes down to somewhere on Johnny’s shoulder, he mentally kicked himself for doing the same thing every time something like this happened. How was he supposed to respond? Deep down, he knew the way Johnny looked at him was purposeful, but Jaehyun could barely focus on that because of how tight his chest felt. 

“Um, thanks?” was what he ended up saying, immediately regretting it when Johnny’s smile spread but didn’t reach his eyes. 

They made eye contact again, and Jaehyun hoped his expression was apologetic. _How do people reach out for things they want?_ Johnny suddenly felt farther away, and Jaehyun hated it. 

They were interrupted by Sicheng walking by and commenting on the impending nature of Jaehyun’s sunburn, and Johnny snickered as Jaehyun shielded his eyes to glare at him. When he looked back, Johnny’s smile was back to its genuine self, and underneath the tightness in his chest, he wondered for the first time if it really was genuine.

“You’re cute when you pretend to be angry,” he said, and Jaehyun reached out to shove him lightly, maybe blushing a little. He could blame it on the sun.

\---

The beanbag chair hadn’t changed at all. However, they had, and he and Yuta lay pressed together despite the limited space. Yuta’s legs half covered his own, and Jaehyun leaned into his side, enjoying the warm contact.

They didn’t say much at first, just casual conversation, but at that point the silence had stretched on for minutes. The room was dark, and Jaehyun watched whatever light was left glint off of the picture frames and metal around the room. He hadn’t planned to show up at Yuta’s house, though maybe the need was so unconscious that it happened without much incentive. Yuta seemed to understand that he just needed someone to just be there as he thought.

“I really like him, Yuta,” he whispered, his voice sounding weird as it broke the silence. “I really fucking like him.”

Yuta hummed after a moment, probably soaking it in. Jaehyun himself soaked it in, realizing that was probably the first time he’d said it out loud.

“Like…Fuck, every time I look at him, it feels like I’m dying. I haven’t felt something like this in so long, so fucking long.” His voice sounded raw now. Yuta hummed again, nodding and shifting closer. 

“Do you know how he feels? Has he said anything?” Yuta asked quietly, and Jaehyun blinked into the darkness.

“He--God, I hope so. I know he feels something,” he answered, and thought about all the times Johnny’d looked at him like he meant something. “Every time we do that thing, or have a moment, I see it in his eyes, like…” He let out a breath. “When we went to the mill, he told me he was bi.”

“Well, that’s a good start,” he said, and Jaehyun could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hah, yeah. Honestly, I kind of forgot he’d said anything, maybe ‘cause we were high. I think maybe I tried not to remember, like it made everything too real, too possible. Fuck, I have no idea what I’m doing,” he said, letting his head fall back onto the beanbag chair. The ceiling had no expectations.

Yuta nudged his leg against his own gently. “It’s okay, man, I can hear you overthinking. You know you have feelings for him, and you think he does for you, too. What kind of feelings are we talkin’, get specific about it,” Yuta prompted.

Jaehyun huffed a laugh, still staring up. “I feel like a fourteen-year-old all over again. I’m never not thinking about him. And whenever I do or whenever I’m with him, it’s like I can barely function properly. It’s not even sexual, most of the time. Like, I don’t just wanna hook up. I wanna wake up and, like, make coffee with him. Go on dates, and share clothes, and do all this gross shit. Fuck, I can’t believe this.”

Yuta laughed lightly, ruffling Jaehyun’s hair with a hand, and he closed his eyes at the feeling with a sigh. “That’s so sweet. Jaehyun, you really like him,” he said, almost like he was the one trying to convince Jaehyun. _Well, he might as well be_ , he thought. 

“What do I--” he started, his face scrunching up. “Should I tell him? Fuck, I should tell him. I don’t know if I can do that, what if all this is, like, in my head. And he doesn’t…Feel the same.”

Yuta stopped running his fingers through his hair, turning to look at him. Jaehyun lifted his head to turn and look back, and Yuta’s expression was serious. 

“You know that’s not true. You’re doing it again, pushing things away ‘cause you’re worried about shit that _could_ happen.” He could see his face soften in the darkness as he continued. “Why do you do that?”

Jaehyun looked away, feeling almost guilty. He didn’t have much of an answer. It wasn’t usually conscious, maybe a coping mechanism or a way to protect himself. Or others. He thought about all the times he'd ignored something he had felt to save someone else the heartbreak when it would inevitably fall apart. That thought made him stare back up at the ceiling. 

“I guess it’s me running away. Shit can’t happen if you’re not there in the first place, right? Damn, that sounds pathetic.” 

Yuta resumed his hand movements, but Jaehyun didn’t want to close his eyes. Even with no light, he could make out all the little marks and smudges above him. 

“It’s not pathetic, it’s what people do, man.”

Jaehyun hummed, smiling a little. “Yeah. Maybe I have daddy issues,” he said with a small laugh. He took a second to let that sink in, and his smile dropped. “Jesus, is that what this is?”

Yuta laughed quietly, nudging him again with his calf. “Dude, relax, that’s not important. Back to your feelings.” Jaehyun groaned. Fuck feelings. He tried to focus on the ceiling again, but his mind felt like it was going a hundred miles an hour. What would happen if he told him? What would he say, what would his expression be, when would he even do it?

Johnny’s face resurfaced in his mind; Johnny in his truck, Johnny in a backyard, Johnny sitting against the mill wall, Johnny looking down at him, shirtless, with the sun in the background and that terrifying feeling crawling into Jaehyun’s chest. 

“You’re thinking about what he might say, right?” Yuta asked, and Jaehyun nodded.

“Or what I’d even say. I--I’m so scared of fucking this up. Do I just, like…Hey, dude, we’re bros and all, but we should kiss. And then go out to dinner, and maybe fuck, you know, and then wake up together and use your stupid espresso machine and--” 

He stopped when he felt Yuta’s shoulders shaking against him, and he turned to stare at him incredulously. “What?”

Yuta smiled, giving him a level look. “Jae, honestly, you could just say that, I mean. I met him once, what, months ago? He won’t care what you say, I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking.”

Jaehyun blinked at him, letting his head fall onto Yuta’s shoulder as his heart jumped. “Fuck. You can’t just say stuff like that.”

Yuta giggled, running his hand through his hair again. They were quiet for a while, just breathing together, and Jaehyun let his attention settle on the feeling of Yuta’s frame rising and falling with his breath. It was grounding. Thinking about Johnny made him feel like he was floating around in zero-gravity. 

“Are you gonna tell him?” 

Jaehyun felt anxiety flare at the thought, but tried not to let it take over. “Yeah,” he sighed. “I don’t know when, but I need to. I want to.”

Yuta hummed, and Jaehyun felt the fingers in his hair again. “Okay. You don’t have to rush it, though, it’s all up to you.” Jaehyun nodded silently against his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realized yuta appeared twice in this one too, with the same sort of conversations! talk about cinematic parallels, lmao
> 
> <3<3<3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hooooo man this is so late but we made it! i seriously can't thank all of you guys enough, tysm for all the support. enjoy!
> 
> i got some notes tho so here u go:
> 
> 1) i did a shit ton of editing, so feel free to read from the beginning if u want since it's been so long since i've updated?? sorry abt that again, school started and i just moved into an apartment while school is remote?? being grown is wack
> 
> 2) i changed the rating to t because i decided not to include the more *ahem* intimate scenes i'm planing to the main fic, instead i'll write them separately and add them to the series
> 
> 3) subscribe to said series if ya'll want those scenes lmao, i'm sorry if anyone's disappointed they weren't added, i just thought it felt better this way

“Mark and Donghyuck are fighting again.” Jaehyun looked over from where he was shaking his Dunkin’ cup, eyebrows raised.

“Really? Is it bad, or, did something happen?” 

Johnny hummed from the passenger seat, eyes off somewhere in front of them. They were stopped at a red light in Jaehyun's Evo after getting coffee, and as energetic as he’d been earlier, Johnny suddenly looked a little resigned, tired.

“Yeah. It’s not as bad as it’s been, but, like, objects were thrown,” he said, and Jaehyun nodded. That sounded both serious and personal. Johnny seemed to sense his hesitation and started explaining.

“Prom just happened, right? I think Hyuck really wanted to go with him, but he knew Mark would never ask or say yes, so he didn’t say anything and Mark ended up asking a friend. And then a bunch of them got together afterwards as a kind of goodbye party, and Mark left early to go home with the girl and Hyuck got really pissed.” Jaehyun nodded and the light turned green, Johnny continuing as he drove down the street. 

“Mark didn’t tell me all the details, but he went over to his house and they fought--Hyuck asked why he ditched him, and Mark didn’t get it, like, they both got mad about there being only one after-prom night, and then Donghyuck confessed, I think, or at least tried to. I honestly don’t think Mark even let him finish, but they’re not talking right now.”

Jaehyun remembered how nervous Donghyuck had been when they talked about it, and he was honestly surprised he had wanted to confess given how much Mark and their friendship meant to him. Thinking about it as he shifted gears up a hill, he realized maybe he confessed because of how much he meant to him. 

“Wow, that sounds like a lot, especially right around graduation and everything. Is Mark okay? I mean, emotionally and…Physically, I guess,” he asked, and Johnny huffed a small laugh.

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine,” he said, almost sardonically, and Jaehyun glanced at him from the road to give him a curious look. “He’s not the one who had a door slammed in his face when he tried to tell his straight best friend he’s been in love with him for seven years.”

Jaehyun made a noise of understanding and Johnny sighed, sipping his coffee with a smile. “That was harsh. I mean, I love my brother and I know he’s dealing with things too and that conversation probably brought up some scary shit for him. But like, you get it, right?”

Jaehyun nodded. He did, and he thought about how scary putting yourself out there was, even if you had an idea of what the response might be. He looked over at Johnny who glanced back, smiling, and Jaehyun smiled back before focusing on the road again. He was still working on that himself.

He and Johnny made brief eye contact again and he watched Johnny’s cup nearly slip out of his hand before he caught it, looking up at him with wide eyes. They stared for a second before Jaehyun snickered, correcting the wheel as he tried not to get them both killed.

“If you drop that, dude, you clean it,” he said, and Johnny laughed, letting his head fall back onto the headrest. Jaehyun could see his arched profile in his peripheral vision but kept his eyes on the road. _‘Cause I’m driving_ , he told himself. He focused on gear shifting so his mind wouldn’t wander right out the moon roof and get hit by a car.

“Speaking of prom, we’re having a graduation party in a few weeks for friends, there’s another one before it for family. But you should come, I think Mark would want you there. He really likes you, you know, he thinks you’re really cool,” Johnny added with a teasing laugh, and Jaehyun grinned.

“Me, cool? I’m so flattered,” he said, putting a hand on his chest dramatically. Johnny laughed and for some reason Jaehyun felt a little shy. “That sounds really nice, though, I’d love to go.”

“No way, you were not emo,” Jaehyun said when they settled in his room with a bag of microwave popcorn. “Show me the proof, I need visual confirmation.”

Johnny groaned, jumping away as Jaehyun made to grab at his phone. “No, nope, you just gotta take my word for it, man. Wasn’t pretty.” 

Jaehyun laughed and they passed the popcorn back and forth while surfing Hulu. Images of Johnny with shaggy bangs and band shirts circulated in his brain making him smile, but his chest tightened pleasantly at the thought of Johnny before they’d met. Sometimes Jaehyun felt like he’d never stop peeling back Johnny’s layers, like every day he could add more and more details to a portrait. 

“I’m not gonna let this go now, I’m invested,” he said, and Johnny shoved him over on the bed lightly with a little laugh. “How’d you go from emo kid to basketball captain, though? I feel like you were always A-clique or something, I don’t know.”

Johnny hummed around a mouthful of popcorn, shrugging. “Puberty,” he stated, and Jaehyun laughed. “I grew, like, a foot. And then my parents made me switch from chorus to sports and then the crowd shift sort of changed things.”

That made sense, and Jaehyun realized he hadn’t known Johnny could sing. Layers. “Nice. What was highschool like up there? I mean, I know it wasn’t that different from mine, but was it fun? Does your school do that thing and rent whole golf clubs for homecoming and prom?” 

Johnny glanced at him with a grin. “Homecoming, no, prom, yes. I had fun, yeah. I mean, it was highschool, but there are mostly good memories. How ‘bout your prom, d’you go?”

“Yeah. It was nice, I went with a friend. A girl,” he added before thinking, for some reason feeling the need to clarify. 

He regretted it when the unspoken alternative echoed between them as Johnny nodded quietly, eyes trained on the computer. Jaehyun felt his nerves spark to attention, and he tried not to look visibly flustered.

“Nice, same. I mean--” He stopped mid sentence to purse his lips and stretch his fingers on the mousepad, eyes staying fixed on the computer. “I went with a friend of mine, but I spent most of the night with someone else. A guy.”

Jaehyun’s mind spun into overdrive as it processed his words and then generated the associated images. Johnny in a suit getting his picture taken, Johnny dancing to early 2000s pop with his date, Johnny sweating and breathing heavy in bed with a guy for the rest of the night--

“Oh, cool.” _Johnny in bed. In bed with Johnny_.

Jaehyun blankly watched him resume scrolling with a hum, skipping from genre to genre even though they probably could have chosen a show by now. The air was stiff between them with…Something, maybe expectations? An expectation? Jaehyun thought of Donghyuck, wondering if he was willing to risk everything and tell him how being just friends wasn’t nearly enough anymore. How every touch made his blood sing. How seeing him even after one day made something inside him click into place. _Fuck, am I really ready for everything to change?_

He let his mind talk itself in circles as he wordlessly pointed to a show on the screen, Johnny nodding and then resuming where they’d left off however long ago. Johnny looked over at him curiously and Jaehyun snapped out whatever haze he’d found himself in, looking back. 

“You okay?” he asked, and Jaehyun nodded. His heart was beating way too fast.

“Yeah,” he said, settling back into the bed. Yuta would call it running away. “Just thinking about you wearing black and listening to MCR.”

Johnny snorted and Jaehyun tried to smile back. 

\---

A few weeks in summer were like three days during the school year, and Jaehyun could barely keep up. He guessed that was how it always went, but it was still weird to stop and realize what the date was. Most days were the same routine: go to work, go to the garage, go to work, go to Johnny’s, go to work, meet Johnny at home. He probably spent more time than he should thinking about how the perception of time was an illusion. 

It rained the morning of Mark’s graduation party, a heavy downpour that ended as quickly as it started. He really didn’t understand Northeastern weather, though he’d lived there his whole life. The rain left everything wet and humid, but the bright blue sky right after was really beautiful. Jaehyun wondered if he would see a rainbow.

Mark was the one to greet him at the front door when he got there, attacking him with a big hug as he thanked him for coming. Jaehyun nervously handed him the envelope with the note and Amazon gift card he’d picked, and Mark pouted at him with wide eyes as he took it. He really was so sweet.

The house wasn’t packed, but there were a good amount of people milling around when he walked inside, not a lot of people he recognized. Jaehyun belatedly realized he should probably be nervous about meeting some of the people Mark and Johnny had grown up with, nervous about stepping into circles that were already established and close. Thinking about it as he walked through the house, he realized he really wasn’t. Johnny had told him about some of the friends and cousins he might meet, mostly descriptions and funny stories, and Jaehyun was honestly excited to meet more of his inner circle--Johnny had met his, right?

Mark gave him a rundown of his plans; there was no plan, just hang out and meet people. There was liquor and beer and marshmallows and cake, and he should ask if he needed anything, ever. Jaehyun laughed, patting him on the shoulder and congratulating him again. 

Mark nodded towards the kitchen with a smile and Jaehyun spotted Johnny putting beer cans into a cooler. He waved at Mark before walking over, debating whether Johnny would end up breaking something if he tried to scare him. He didn’t get the chance, as Johnny saw him walking over, grinning wide and enveloping him in a tight hug that made his skin tingle. They’d hung out recently, but Jaehyun immediately felt better now that Johnny was physically next to him and not just in his head. 

They caught up as Jaehyun helped him pack the cooler full of Twisted Tea and Coors Light, Johnny telling him that most of the people planning to come were already there. People milled in and out of the kitchen as they talked, mostly to have at the collection of alcohol lining the counters, and some greeted Johnny before disappearing into the rest of the house. 

“You look nice,” Johnny said as they finished putting everything away, and Jaehyun looked down at the admittedly basic outfit he definitely hadn’t had laid out two days before.

“Um, thanks? You too.” Johnny rolled his eyes at him, bringing his hand up to touch the hair Jaehyun had styled more out of his face than usual. He pulled at a strand with a smile and Jaehyun tried to trample the heat rising to his cheeks from the attention. “What,” he muttered as Johnny kept touching his hair. “I mean, you always look nice. What happened to your drug rug, dude, you never wear it anymore.” 

Johnny laughed, shrugging. “Maybe I’m trying to look nice,” he said, and Jaehyun took a second to let that soak in as Johnny dropped his hand to his shoulder and squeezed. “Time to get drunk.” Jaehyun smiled and laughed a little as he was handed a beer. 

He followed Johnny into the living room where people were talking over the music and sitting or standing in groups, a basketball game playing on the TV. Mark was standing with a bunch of guys by the couch, one of whom he recognized as Caleb, the team captain, and…Was that Jeno? Jaehyun laughed when Jeno’s mouth dropped open as he and Johnny slotted into their group next to Mark. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you here,” he said playfully as he pulled Jeno in for a half hug, the younger still looking confused.

“Me? What are--You know Mark?” Jaehyun laughed, telling him that yes, he knew Mark.

“How do you know him, sports?” Jeno nodded as he sipped his tea. Mark said something to the others as Jeno kept talking, definitely less than sober. 

“Yeah, soccer season we play them a lot, and we all just started hanging out at some point I guess. You know Jaemin Na? Yeah? He’s here somewhere, but we hang out a lot too.” He was leaning on him when he finished and Jaehyun hummed, wrapping his arm around his shoulders tighter.

Jaehyun tuned back into the group as they talked about something school related, laughing over the noise of the room. At some point, Johnny introduced him and the group went around giving names and asking questions. He definitely felt a bit out of place, but the alcohol made integration easier. He gestured at Caleb, congratulating him on graduating and on the basketball game from months ago. Caleb seemed to remember him, and they talked about sports. Jaehyun got another beer.

The party was casual, most people lounging and laughing and finally getting to relax after months of stress. It reminded him of his own, admittedly smaller, graduation get-together from two years ago. Johnny brought him around the room to meet some of his own highschool friends, and if Jaehyun hadn't known any better he’d have thought he was being shown off. Not that he minded.

“This is Emmet and Taeyong, and the guy with the bad haircut is Sean,” he said, making everyone laugh. “We graduated together, I think I told you about some of them.”

Jaehyun nodded, matching names to faces and recognizing Taeyong by his very expensive looking hat and bright blond hair. He was losing count of how many times he’d dapped people up, but Taeyong’s eyes lit up when Johnny introduced him.

“Jaehyun! I wasn’t sure any of us were ever gonna meet you, we’ve heard a lot,” he said with a knowing and somewhat flighty expression. Jaehyun laughed a little, saying he hoped only good things. 

They talked for a while, Jaehyun finding out that Taeyong actually grew up in his hometown before moving a few counties over for the schools. They reminisced about the skatepark and a few restaurants, and he decided he definitely liked this circle.

Jaehyun’s head was getting fuzzier and his smile looser as conversations blended together, and Johnny eventually ushered him back to the kitchen for more alcohol. Shuffling around, he turned and grinned, holding up a bottle of Fireball in one hand and Tito’s in the other. Jaehyun rolled his eyes at him, but pointed to the whiskey. 

“I’m gonna become an alcoholic because of you, I swear,” he said as he watched him pour them both a shot.

“Better me than anyone else, though, right?” he answered, and Jaehyun’s scoff got stuck in his throat as Johnny knocked back the ounce and a half, his Adam's apple bobbing and the muscles in his neck straining. 

Johnny exhaled through his nose with barely a grimace, looking back down at him and raising his eyebrows at the glass still in Jaehyun’s hand. Jaehyun sighed and shook his head before swallowing it quickly, the beginnings of tipsiness making the taste bearable. He licked his lips, feeling the sweet burn in his throat as the alcohol settled hot in his stomach. 

When he looked up, he knew Johnny would be watching, though it took a little effort to focus clearly on his face when he held his gaze. He smiled at him, tilting his head up so his jawline stretched, and watched Johnny’s eyes follow the movement. He could smell the cinnamon around them, and the whiskey in his stomach felt even hotter.

“Might as well do two,” he said in a low voice, and Johnny just watched him for a moment before quirking his lips and leaning back over the counter to pour two more. The second one tasted almost sickeningly sweet. Johnny handed him another beer to chase the taste.

Mark suddenly appeared at the door, making them both turn as he yelled, “Dude, I wanna go roast marshmallows!” He gestured frantically with a goofy grin, disappearing quickly and leaving them to turn back to each other. 

Jaehyun gave Johnny a confused look and he shrugged with a smile, saying, “He really wanted to, that’s why there are graham crackers and shit.”

He was significantly more drunk when they made their way outside and down into the backyard, using Johnny as support as the stairs began swimming a little in the dark. The deck light was pretty bright, but the shadows still stretched from underneath the overhang and into the trees.

“Don’t fall,” Johnny said quietly as his hand slid around to press against his back, and Jaehyun could hear the smile in his voice. His hand was warm against him, and he felt Johnny lean into his own body heat.

“I’m not gonna fall, dude. Don’t know ‘bout you though.” Johnny laughed, letting his hand slip around to tug at his waist.

The fire was already set up, though Jaehyun had no idea how or when, and he found himself sitting on a log next to Johnny with a stick in his hand as he slowly turned a marshmallow over the fire. He kind of felt like a cartoon character, though he wasn’t mad at that. The fire was getting bigger by the minute, or maybe that was Jaehyun’s imagination, but it made his legs warm and cast orange glows on everyone’s faces. Across from him, Mark was trying to blow out his marshmallow that had already caught on fire, and the sound of conversation and music from another speaker filled the outside space. Jaehyun hadn’t felt that content in a while.

More people flowed from the house to the backyard, and Jaehyun jumped when someone placed a hand on his shoulder, turning quickly to see Donghyuck smiling down at him. He gaped a little, reaching up to grab his hand in greeting as his brain lagged to find something to say. “What’s good, man?” was what he decided on instead of something dumb like _are you okay_.

“Jaehyun, hey,” he said with a bright smile before striding over to where Jeno and some other guys were standing, neither he nor Mark looking over at each other. 

Jaehyun realized he was staring and turned back to his marshmallow that had been too far from the flames to toast properly. The fire tilted a little in his vision, and he blinked a few times. _Mixing my alc probably wasn’t the best idea_. 

A few days before, Johnny had texted him that Donghyuck and Mark were working something out, though that something was still pretty strained. The details weren't clear, but they were seemingly on shared space terms at that point, which Jaehyun guessed was better than nothing. He had started off hoping they could repair what they had, but after a while he realized maybe the way their relationship was going just wasn’t working anymore and had needed to evolve, whether for better or worse. If something was hurting you or holding you back, it was probably time to move away from it towards something that could help you grow. 

Jaehyun was brought back to earth by Johnny nudging his side lightly, holding a very evenly browned marshmallow in front of his face with a grin. Jaehyun rolled his eyes at how proud he looked, taking a sip of his beer and letting the alcohol fuel his competitiveness and the need for a better looking marshmallow.

He eventually lost track of how many marshmallows he toasted, most of them ending up eaten by themselves because of how much work making a s'more was. The fire was still hot, maybe even hotter because of the occasional teenager pouring whatever was in their cup over the flames for laughs. Jaehyun hoped they wouldn’t have to call the fire department.

Conversation ebbed and flowed as well, the music playing steadily underneath the hum of voices. He had met a few new people as well as they came and went from inside, someone named Olivia and a guy named Doyoung. 

Everything was pretty blurry at that point, and Jaehyun lounged happily next to Johnny as the warmth from the alc and the fire circulated through him. Johnny was muttering along to the rap of whatever song was playing, and Jaehyun looked over for the thousandth time that night to watch the way his lips moved and the way the light illuminated his features. 

Johnny glanced back at him, raising his beer to his mouth with a lazy smile before going back to fiddling with his marshmallow stick. Jaehyun kept watching him, taking in the way his cheeks were slightly flushed and how his eyes looked heavy and relaxed. His whole body felt like it was swaying and vibrating as he forced himself to focus on every miniscule detail of his face, and his heart pounded in his chest. 

Without realizing it, he found himself leaning his head against his shoulder, the fabric of his crewneck feeling warm against his cheek. He could feel Johnny turn into him slightly, probably to look at him. “You good?” he asked, and Jaehyun just nodded, not in the mood to say much. 

The fire crackled loudly in front of them and someone laughed at something in the background. It felt like he was in one of those ten-hour-long ASMR sleep videos.

Johnny’s arm made its way around his shoulders, pulling him in closer so his head slid into the crook of his neck and so their knees pressed together. Their proximity made his breath catch in his throat and he gripped his half-empty beer can in response, staring into the flames as he felt the firm slope of Johnny’s collarbone under his cheek. He wondered if people were looking at them, if they were watching them press closer and closer in the dim light. His skin felt like it was on fire under his clothes.

After a while, the weight of Johnny’s head rested gently on top of his, strands of his hair brushing Jaehyun’s face as they sat still, absorbing each other’s warmth. He could feel Johnny’s heartbeat from where he practically laid against his chest, and his whole body tingled as his fingers itched to do something, grab something other than the crumpled can. Letting his eyes drop from the flames, he stared at their knees pressed together, blinking slowly at the rips in Johnny’s jeans. 

His hand made its way to one of the frayed threads, and he twisted it back and forth between his fingers. Johnny’s own fingers tightened around him just a hair, and Jaehyun’s heart leaped as something stirred in his gut. Inhaling, he turned his head further up into his neck, feeling his skin slide against his forehead and cheek. 

Against him, he could feel Johnny’s breath stutter as his nose brushed against the edge of his jaw and his lips just barely touched his neck, but all Jaehyun could think about was how _warm_ he felt as his heart threatened to beat out of his ribcage. He inhaled again, breathing in the smell he’d gotten so used to those past few months, smooth and leathery under the smell of smoke. Adrenaline spurred him on through the fog of his brain, and he smiled because he knew Johnny could feel the movement.

Somewhere in his mind, Jaehyun wished they were alone, maybe smoking in Johnny’s woods just yards away, or sitting by a fireplace somewhere and talking. Part of him wished he could pretend they were, though even drunk Jaehyun had always been realistic. _I don’t think I’d be here if I was sober, though_ , he argued to himself, and let his eyes flutter closed. He wondered if Johnny had felt that, too. 

He really didn’t know how long they sat like that, though he guessed it was longer than he thought. Johnny had started moving his thumb up and down on his shoulder, and the sound of people and music was muted as he watched shadows jump around from behind his eyelids. His thoughts and images played like a slideshow, memories and feelings and fears and hopes and dreams, and somewhere in there Jaehyun wondered how many beers he’d had after those shots. _Not that it matters, I’m pretty fucked up_ , he thought. 

He wondered again what the two of them looked like in someone else's eyes, if they looked awkward as they somehow fit both sets of broad shoulders together. Maybe they looked good together, _fit well_ together. He hoped for the latter.

After a while, someone’s voice cut through his daze, and he felt Johnny’s head shift against his. It definitely sounded like Mark, and he processed his words as “is he asleep?” Johnny answered quietly with “m’not sure,” and his voice sent vibrations through the shoulder against his side and down his spine, making him shiver.

His eyes slid open when he realized the sounds of people’s voices were a lot quieter than before, and that Mark was probably standing over them, watching Jaehyun practically melt into his brother’s side. He pushed himself up slightly and looked around, feeling Johnny loosen his hold to let him straighten. 

He probably looked like shit, and he rubbed a hand over his face trying to feel less crusty. A lot of people had gone back to the house, and he looked around and up at Mark first before looking over at Johnny. Mark looked like he was having a hard time standing upright, but he smiled widely when Jaehyun mumbled “hey.” Johnny’s expression flickered between composed and whatever was underneath it, but he wasn’t in the most cohesive state to pinpoint what that was.

“You tired?” Johnny asked, a small smile cracking underneath the expression he was trying to school. “We can go chill if you want.” Jaehyun shook his head, rolling his shoulders a little and looking at his watch. It wasn’t even eleven, and tiredness definitely wasn’t what he was feeling.

“Nah, I’m okay. Go in, though?” 

Johnny nodded and Jaehyun stood, albeit a little unsteadily, and offered him a hand. Johnny gazed up at him and took it with a grin, not any more stable than himself, and Mark laughed as the three of them tried to walk straight.

He felt gaps starting to form in his information processing, or whatever you called it, meaning he was edging into the realm of absolutely hammered. The landscaping around the house blurred in his vision and he tried not to slip on the wet grass as they stumbled together back towards the house.

The atmosphere in the house was the same as before, music still playing and a sports game still on TV, though most people were significantly more drunk. After a while, Jaehyun found himself on the couch with another beer he hadn’t asked for while some girls crowded around someone standing on a chair and some guy had a whole beer poured down his throat from two feet above.  
Jaehyun heard Johnny yell something from the other room about beer and the rug, but forgot about it as soon as he heard it. The music seemed louder than before, and Jaehyun couldn’t decide whether he wanted to lay down or do something weird like dance on a table. 

The couch dipped sharply next to him and he found himself with a lap full of a very giggly Donghyuck. 

“Whoa there,” he said, steadying him as he hung off his shoulder. Donghyuck grinned and pushed himself up so he was supporting his own weight but still leaning on him.

“I’d say ‘hey Johnny’s hot friend,’ but we know how that went last time,” he said with a flash of tongue on teeth, and Jaehyun laughed awkwardly, eyes looking everywhere but at him as he was reminded of their first meeting. Donghyuck giggled again, shoving him lightly and turning away towards the TV.

“I’m jus’ kidding, stop freaking out. Are you drunk? I can’t tell, you want another drink?” Jaehyun shook his head, holding up his beer.

“M’good, definitely drunk though, don’t worry,” he answered with a chuckle, and Donghyuck nodded energetically, scooting further into the couch cushion.

“You’re a laid-back drunk, I get it. I’m a loud drunk. I mean, I’m always loud,” he said matter-of-factly, and Jaehyun threw an arm around his shoulder.

“Yes you are,” he said knowingly. “It’s funny, though, don’t worry. It’s cute,” he added, because he looked like he was about to pout. Donghyuck huffed, pouting anyways.

“Yeah, well. At leas’ someone thinks ’m cute,” he muttered, voice slurred as he leaned back into the couch with a scowl. 

Jaehyun’s inebriated judgement meant he didn’t hesitate before turning to face him, most likely giving him a rather comical serious look. 

“Hey, no boy talk,” he admonished lightly, Donghyuck returning his serious expression. “We’re here to enjoy shit, and celebrate…” He paused for a second, forgetting why they were there. _Probably time to cut myself off_ , his brain drawled. “Graduation. Focus on good things, okay? Friends and marshmallows.”

Donghyuck nodded solemnly, still pouting, and Jaehyun put the arm back around his shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. 

“I promise I don’t only talk about guys,” he said quietly, staring joylessly at the TV. Jaehyun squeezed his shoulder lightly in reassurance, and Donghyuck sighed. “I’m an active member of society, with ideals and agency n’ shit.” 

Jaehyun laughed, and they fell into silence as the people around them filled the space with conversation. His veins buzzed pleasantly as he set his beer on the side table and zeroed back in on the sports game, hockey this time. A little voice in his head pointed out that this felt oddly familiar, the pattern of things, but he pushed it away. So what if this party felt a little similar to that first one, the same people were there playing similar music in a similar house, right? A lot of things in small towns felt formulaic, patterned.

His mind went straight to what had happened next that night, and he felt a stab of anxiety as he thought of the cigarettes buried in the bottom of his bag somewhere in the foyer. He’d been spending the last month limiting the number of cigs he went through in a week, and he hadn’t smoked since at least a day before. He’d be lying if he said it was easy, but it was a start. He wondered if Yuta would be proud.

As if on cue, a figure loomed in his field of sight and Jaehyun blinked up at Johnny staring down at him with a lopsided grin. His chest clenched automatically and he smiled back up at him, all other thoughts no longer important.

“Hyuck, you tryna steal my man, huh?” he said, and his voice was warm as it washed over Jaehyun like water. His chest clenched even tighter at his words, and he looked away, his ears suddenly feeling hot. He was so fucked.

“Johnny,” he said, though it sounded suspiciously like a whine, and Johnny just wiggled his eyebrows at him easily. 

Donghyuck sighed dramatically, extracting himself from Jaehyun’s arm and flopping over to the other side of the couch to lean on some other unsuspecting person, muttering something about hypocrisy. 

Left with their own third of the couch, Jaehyun looked back up at Johnny who was still smiling. He leaned from one foot to the other, hands stuffed in his back pockets, and Jaehyun’s neck was starting to hurt from looking up at such an angle. 

“I gotta get more drinks from the garage, wanna come?” 

Jaehyun nodded before even fully hearing his offer. Johnny smiled wider, holding out a hand and helping him off the couch, his hold lingering as Jaehyun swayed a little before falling in step behind him.

The walk to the garage was a bit of a mental struggle, but when they got to the doorway, Jaehyun felt his gut twist up in apprehension. Inside, the garage was not only colder, but quiet, the sounds from the party sounding far away. It was also empty, and it took Jaehyun a moment to realize he was nervous about being alone with Johnny and his own thoughts. _Especially drunk_ , he thought, though deep down he trusted his decision making skills. He just hoped he wouldn't say anything he’d regret in the morning.

His body still felt like it was transcending the space time continuum, but he ignored it to focus on where his feet were going. The drastic change in noise level and temperature was a little sobering, and Jaehyun breathed in the crisp air as he leaned against the side of one of those white fridges American houses always had in garages. 

Johnny rummaged around in it, pulling out six-packs of beer and soda and resting them on the floor. Jaehyun didn’t watch him, instead picking out details on the scuffed floor and noticing only one car filling the space. He’d never asked where Johnny’s parents were, and he laughed internally at how lenient they were.

“You sure you’re okay?” 

Jaehyun’s heart dropped into his shoes when he looked up to see Johnny standing directly in front of him, eyebrows drawn together as he looked at him with a careful expression. As careful as you can look while drunk. Eyes wide, he nodded, though Johnny didn’t look convinced. 

His eyes flicked back and forth from Johnny's stare to anywhere else, eventually holding his gaze when he realized he wasn’t going to look away. He could see the overhead lights reflected dimly in his eyes, the way his eyelashes cast tiny shadows along with where his bangs hung over the sides of his forehead. 

The furrows between his brows evened out, and his gaze became something more loaded and precarious. Jaehyun felt himself get completely lost in his face, everything else falling away as Johnny seemed to loom closer and closer. 

Johnny’s eyes flickered between his own before abruptly dropping to his lips and then back up. Jaehyun’s pulse skyrocketed, and he felt his hands beginning to shake as his mind turned and turned and turned. The boat at the lip of the waterfall, the moment before jumping from a plane.

The look in Johnny’s eyes softened a little, and he exhaled slowly as his eyes dropped to the floor. Catching his breath, Jaehyun continued to stare at his face, watching the way his features contorted gently in thought or contemplation. But Johnny didn't move away, he stayed close enough to where Jaehyun felt the exhale brush his neck. So close, so _easy_.

His eyes followed the way Johnny’s tongue ran across his bottom lip before lifting a hand to brush against the open collar of Jaehyun’s shirt. The hand closed around it gently, fingering over the fabric with his thumb, and Jaehyun watched him watch his hand intently, his mouth set in that gentle curve like always. 

“I can’t think when I’m around you,” he said quietly, though it echoed in Jaehyun’s ears like he’d said it with his whole chest. 

Johnny gripped the collar tighter, not pulling, just…Grounding, and Jaehyun felt a surge of confidence, a surge of affection, of every emotion possible as he watched the way he ran his fingers over the fabric delicately despite his grip.

“Then don’t.” Johnny didn’t respond for a moment, and Jaehyun’s mind was blank as the blood rushed in his ears. After another moment, Johnny raised his eyes to meet his, Jaehyun’s head lifting to return it. 

Adrenaline circulated through him dangerously, and he heard the sound of Johnny’s shoes on concrete before registering him moving closer. Toe to toe, there were just inches between them, and Jaehyun wondered if this was really it, if this was the culmination of every moment, every look, every urge. Thinking about it, he’d never felt anything like this in his life. 

Jaehyun wasn’t sure what his face was doing, though he was trying his hardest to pierce through the alcohol clouding his mind. He was still very intoxicated, and maybe that’s where the confidence to return that same charged stare came from. 

Johnny’s lips were so close, and Jaehyun’s gaze was glued to them like a magnet. He could feel every breath on his face and he knew Johnny could feel his, stilted and heavy. It was all he could hear besides the rush of emotion.

 _I’m too drunk, though_ , he thought abruptly, and for the first time that night, he wished he wasn’t. Drunk meant lust, it meant hook-ups, and Jaehyun suddenly worried that was what Johnny thought he wanted.

His lips parted in an attempt to take a deeper breath, and he watched Johnny’s eyes drop and flick back up like he’d done before. 

He wasn’t surprised when Johnny pulled back a few inches, looking at him with that same concerned expression peeking through his schooled features. Jaehyun wondered if it really was something in his face that betrayed his bravado or his thoughts, or maybe he really had been reading this whole thing wrong. 

“I--” Johnny started, licking his lips again. “I don’t want to do this when we’re drunk.” 

His voice was barely a whisper, and Jaehyun let the twinge of disappointment turn into vague hope as he nodded silently. Johnny kept eye contact, his eyes searching as his lips turned up into a small smile. Jaehyun smiled back, breaking eye contact to look around, his eyes resting on the six-packs forgotten on the floor. 

“We should go back in,” he said, and Johnny hummed, moving to pick up the drinks. Jaehyun felt the sudden empty space in front of him like a vacuum, and he ran a hand through his hair as he tried to calm down.

The rest of the night went by in a blur, like The Wizard of Oz where no time had passed when they disappeared for god knows how long in what felt like a dream. More drinks were poured, and Jaehyun didn’t really pay attention as something colorful was shoved into his hand by Mark--he was too focused on forgetting about the pit of regret settling in his stomach.

He might have danced, though he wasn’t sure with whom or where or to what song. He also might have sat and talked with Jeno, though he most likely spent the conversation complaining about himself. It was a flaw. 

He also remembered standing and talking with Johnny like nothing happened, like no allusions were made towards feelings, like they weren’t just pressed together in his parents’ garage with a promise of some other time. Like Jaehyun wouldn’t do anything he asked, go anywhere. 

In a moment of clarity, Jaehyun wondered if they would forget it even happened, if they would pretend things were the same and go about their usual dynamic. The part of him that only knew how to run hoped they did, though the rest of him hoped they didn’t. He was starting to wonder which part was really him anymore.

\---

He woke up in the guest room. He usually did when he slept over at Johnny’s, but this time he woke up with a hangover and feeling nauseous to hell. He sat up and put his head on his knees, sitting there for what felt like an hour as his body tried to return to homeostasis. He needed air.

There was a dull throbbing somewhere in the back of his head, but he ignored it as he splashed water on his face and brushed his teeth with the toothbrush he’d started leaving there. It was 8:42 in the morning, his watch said, and he stared at himself in the mirror and allowed the memories from the night before to come back and sort themselves in order. Searching around the room for his pants, he cautiously stepped into the hallway, passing by Johnny’s closed door and going downstairs. 

He remembered Johnny helping him upstairs and into bed, though he also remembered laughing and telling him to get out as he took off his clothes. Pouring himself a glass of water, he grimaced, resting his hands on the counter and letting the embarrassment and remaining nausea course through him before sipping his water slowly. _I’m so fucking stupid_.

The house felt quiet without the crowd, or even without Johnny’s parents there to buzz around and cook and give compliments. There was debris everywhere, and he knew he’d be roped into helping them clean. He realized he hadn’t seen Bear during the party, and guessed he’d been taken to wherever the parents were.

Hesitantly, he found his bag and fished out his cigarettes, taking one and a lighter out to the deck. The screen door squeaked familiarly, and he settled against the railing as he quietly took in the expanse of forest. They really had an incredible view. Sometimes he wished he lived in such a nice place, it was incredibly serene. The fresh air was intoxicating, and he took a minute to just breathe it in.

It wasn’t cold out, maybe 65℉, yet his hands shook a little as he glanced down at the cig in his hand. It looked sad and bleak against the rich colors outside, and he wondered what would happen if he just threw it off the edge. Nothing, really, just his own hands stopping him. He wondered when he got so damn angsty.

He played the night back like a movie as he listened to the birds, trying to fit in any details he might have forgotten or that were fuzzy. He hadn’t blacked out, though he could only remember bits and pieces of the end. Johnny’s face surfaced, and he twirled the stick in his hand slowly as he thought about what they’d said. _And hadn’t said_ , his tired brain added. They’d both said and hadn’t said a lot.

The cigarette was getting bent in the middle where he kept fingering it, and for a second he wanted to crush it, see it crumple in his fist. He hated it, he hated how desperate it made him feel, how safe. He was tired of being safe, he was tired of following patterns. He sighed, switching to flipping the lighter around in his hand, blue like the sky.

The door opened behind him and he didn’t need to turn to know it was Johnny. The older settled next to him, mirroring the way he leaned against the railing with his elbows bent. When Jaehyun did glance over, he was looking out into the yard with a tired expression. He looked just like any other guy, his university hoodie on with the sleeves rolled up and stubble lining his chin. But Jaehyun knew he didn’t look at Johnny like he was any other guy.

Looking back out into the trees, he asked, “Did I wake you up?” Johnny shook his head with a “no,” and they stood there in silence again. 

Jaehyun could feel his pulse trying to speed up, but he was honestly too tired--tired from lack of sleep and tired of letting the anxiousness take over when he honestly knew what he should do. He twirled the cigarette in his hand again, rolling it in between his fingers until he couldn’t stand looking at it anymore. His whole body itched for it, but it wasn’t what he wanted. 

“Are you gonna smoke it?” Johnny asked mildly, and Jaehyun sighed before shrugging, placing it down on the railing and clasping his fingers together. “When’d you start smoking cigarettes?” 

Jaehyun hummed, looking down at the wrinkled paper. “Um, I think freshman year? Eighth grade, actually. When my dad left, I guess,” he answered, and Johnny nodded solemnly. “Sorry, that was kind of dark,” he added with a laugh, but Johnny just smiled and shook his head.

The sun was already over the treetops somewhere to their right, and he thought about winds and directions and seasons and nature and all that nice shit as he mentally readied himself for the conversation he knew was coming. He didn’t like not being in control. _Yuta used to tell me that_ , he thought, thinking back to the advice Yuta had given him if he’d ever wanted to work on it. He liked knowing what would happen, and he knew how unrealistic that was. He always tried to be realistic.

He could see the little path leading to the platform in the woods they used to smoke, and he looked at the firepit they’d sat around the night before, beer cans and bottles scattered all over the place. Johnny laughing as smoke curled around them. Johnny pulling him closer, resting his head on his own. Johnny next to him as they both probably thought about change.

“Sometimes…” Johnny started, repositioning himself on his elbows and looking straight ahead intently. 

He looked deep in thought, and maybe a little scared. The type of scared you got when you weren’t sure if you’d get into college, or when you thought you might be lost somewhere.

“Do you ever want to do something that’s…Probably a little stupid?”

His voice was steady and soft, and Jaehyun wondered if it was a question or a statement. He thought about it, answering with the first thing that came to his mind. 

“You make me want to do stupid things all the time.”

Johnny looked over, his expression simultaneously tired and amused, but Jaehyun’s face must have been sincere enough to make the amusement slip into a weighted understanding. Jaehyun held eye contact, doing his best not to make it laughably obvious how true the statement really was.

“Like what,” Johnny asked, and he sounded like the whole world rested on what he’d hear next. 

Jaehyun let out a breathy laugh, smiling at the ground and turning to face him more squarely. He tried to make himself look up at him but couldn’t because this was probably the best chance he’d ever get. Laughing again, he ran his fingers through his hair, urging the butterflies in his stomach shut up as he leveled his gaze with Johnny’s.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, the air rushing out of him like a balloon. 

Johnny blinked at him, his eyebrows arched to his hair as he seemed to process what he’d asked. Jaehyun resisted the urge to look away and do anything except be there to watch him react, but the way the corners of his lips turned up brought him back to the deck, to the house, to him.

Johnny stepped forward carefully, situating himself close enough that Jaehyun could see how dilated his pupils were, could count every eyebrow hair, every eyelash. 

“Yeah,” he said as his smile grew, “yeah, you can.” 

Jaehyun felt his body temperature spike as his heart skipped a beat, and he wasted no time bringing a hand up to Johnny’s face and closing the distance. He let out a sigh as he melted into the feeling of his lips, and Johnny crowded closer and firmly planted his hands on his waist, kissing back just as firm. 

It felt just like he had imagined, and he could picture Johnny’s heart-shaped smile in his mind as he moved first, that first slow slide of his lips against Johnny’s making heat stir somewhere deep. They fell into a rhythm naturally, and Jaehyun realized how long it had been since he’d kissed anyone, had _wanted_ to kiss anyone other than Johnny. 

His lips were soft, and Johnny lifted a hand from his waist to his neck, tilting his head to slot against him more easily, his warm breath fanning against Jaehyun’s cheek as he kissed him back slowly. His skin felt hot under Jaehyun’s touch, and he ran his thumb over his stubble and across his jawline, like he would disappear if he didn’t hold on. He felt like he could literally float away at how incredible it felt to have Johnny in front of him and in his hands.

The hand on his neck pulled him closer and the kiss deepened, and Jaehyun’s eyebrows knit as he pressed against Johnny’s lips faster, his pace matched immediately. He could feel the grip on his waist and he brought his other hand up to grab the front of Johnny’s sweatshirt before moving it to cup the other side of his face. Johnny smiled into the kiss and Jaehyun felt like his world was tilting.

They kissed for a while, the first touch of Johnny’s tongue against his making his stomach drop, and he licked into Johnny’s mouth with a stuttered breath. Johnny panted against him, and Jaehyun felt entirely overwhelmed by how hot and slick his mouth was. He could feel Johnny’s teeth on his lower lip and he bit back, evoking a tiny sound out of him that made Jaehyun's head spin.

Kissing Johnny felt so right, like it was exactly what he was supposed to be doing, always should have done. He felt like his lips would be imprinted in his memory forever, and each wet slide of their mouths sent waves of need through him.

Eventually, they both pulled away, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths. Jaehyun almost didn’t want to open his eyes, just stand there and bask in the feeling of Johnny’s hands on him, but he looked up to see Johnny looking at him like he could see inside his mind. It made his throat tighten, but Johnny pulled him into another searing kiss before he could open his mouth to speak.

They kissed slowly, and when Johnny pulled away he let his head fall to Jaehyun’s shoulder, his chest heaving gently. Jaehyun wrapped his hands around his waist, pulling him in closer, and they stood like that. Just sharing space as they caught their breath. Jaehyun let his hands roam slowly up and down his sides and over his back, and he could feel every inhale and exhale Johnny let out against his neck.

He wondered when everything had become so much, all the thoughts and worries and emotions.

“I don’t think I’ve wanted something as much as I want you,” Johnny said, though it was muffled between them. Jaehyun kept moving his hands, and he rested his chin on Johnny’s shoulder as his heart did somersaults in his chest.

“You can have me. God, you have no idea.” 

His own voice resonated in the silence, and Johnny tilted his head to press a kiss against Jaehyun’s neck and another one on his jaw before taking his face in his hands and kissing him earnestly. 

They were out there for a while, judging by how the sun had risen farther up onto the sky. Somewhere in between kissing Johnny and then kissing Johnny again, they’d ended up just leaning against the railing together, Johnny’s fingers lightly intertwined with his. It was so quiet outside, no sounds of cars or anything, and Jaehyun liked the way their hands looked together, his own long and bony fingers looking pale against Johnny’s thicker ones. 

“I’m sorry I didn't say anything sooner,” he said quietly, and Johnny rubbed his fingers over his reassuringly.

“Don’t be, I didn’t say anything either. I--” He paused, but the rubbing continued. “I didn’t want to scare you. I honestly like you so much, I didn’t want to fuck everything up and…Lose you, us. I think you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” He chuckled quietly after saying that last bit, and Jaehyun smiled down at their hands.

“I--Same. God, that sounds so lame, but I'm serious. I really don’t know what I'd do without you. I’m not the best at this kind of thing, being...Emotionally vulnerable, or whatever you call it.” He trailed off a little, letting out a small sigh. “But I want this so bad.”

He wasn’t sure what came over him, but he snapped his head to look at him, Johnny returning the look with curious eyes. 

“Can I take you out to dinner?” he blurted out, and Johnny blinked at him owlishly before a grin spread across his face.

He laughed, nodding and looking like Jaehyun had just handed him his diploma a year early. “Yes, Jaehyun, you can take me out to dinner.”

Jaehyun nodded, unable to contain his smile as he bit his lip nervously. “Awesome. Yeah, cool.” Johnny laughed again, and Jaehyun felt his face getting warm, but Johnny just leaned in again and everything else fell away.

\---

When he thought about it, dating Johnny wasn’t much different from whatever they’d been doing before, being close friends he guessed. Well, some things were different, and Jaehyun was surprised at how easily they slipped into their new routines. Dates with Johnny were nice, late night drives with Johnny were nice, making out with Johnny against his Tacoma before walking into work was also nice. 

Yuta had called him the afternoon he and Johnny had talked, almost as if he’d sensed something had changed. Jaehyun hadn’t even fully processed what had happened himself and hadn’t contributed much to the conversation, though Yuta had done most of the talking. 

Dating Johnny made Jaehyun realize how hard it had been to need something so badly and not take it. It took him a little while to realize that he _could_ take it, and that Johnny wanted him to.

However, all good things aside, Jaehyun was not enjoying himself as he stared at the espresso machine in disgust. He sighed, genuinely annoyed, as he tried to remember what Johnny had told him he was supposed to do next. How the fuck did people do this every day? What was wrong with drip coffee, it was the same stuff, right? Bear lay by the porch door a ways away, watching him in sympathy.

The sun was bright from the sink window, though Jaehyun was too distracted to enjoy the warmth and the view properly as he picked up various tools and then put them down again to stare at all the buttons, second guessing himself. _This is ridiculous_ , he thought.

He heard a quiet laugh behind him and paused before sighing in defeat, turning around to lean his back on the counter and give Johnny an unimpressed stare. Johnny was leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed and a gentle smile on his face as he watched him, and Jaehyun wondered how long he’d been there. Probably long enough.

“You gonna just stand there, or are you gonna, like, help me.” 

Johnny just smiled wider, his eyes crinkling up and making him look like a big kitten in his oversized sweats. Jaehyun rolled his eyes, unable to hide his smile as he turned back to the machine to try again. Or maybe just stand there again, he really had no idea what he was doing. 

He heard Johnny walk closer before feeling his arms wrap around his waist from behind, and his face appeared over his shoulder, still smiling. The weight of Johnny’s chin on his shoulder was nice, and the warmth from his body seeped into his back as he pulled him in gently. He smelled like his shampoo and laundry detergent and a little like charcoal, and Jaehyun let his head fall against Johnny’s briefly as he sighed again, that time more in contentment. 

He felt his heart kick in his chest as Johnny placed a kiss on his shoulder before reaching out and pointing to whatever button he was supposed to press first. Jaehyun made a noncommittal sound before making another attempt, and they stood there together in the kitchen, the smell of coffee eventually filling the room. 

Thinking about it, dating Johnny was definitely a little different, though he thought it was probably time to stop thinking so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys like the ending, i had fun writing it though i hope ya'll like it as much as i do... :)
> 
> (don't forget about waiting for those scenes, lmao)
> 
> i really can't thank all of you enough, everyone who kept commenting are the sweetest and i love hearing from ya'll!! leave feedback or comments or your fav moments or chapters, i love interacting w you guys and hearing your thought or hopes for johnjae nation lmao
> 
> support nct 2020, and keep staying safe <3


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